As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.
Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.
Today’s Idea:
While there’s nothing bad about seeking a bit of validation from your ex or the people you’re dating, obsessing over that external validation is bad.
It’s this same obsession that is the exact reason why so many people going through a breakup are frustrated and unfulfilled, and why they usually come across as unattractive.
Remember: the key to genuine happiness and attractiveness lies not in the validation we receive from the external world but in the validation we give to ourselves — internal validation.
Today’s Suggestion:
Maybe you took your ex on an over-the-top date they didn’t really deserve just to impress them. Or perhaps you can’t stop showing off your bowling skills to a potential mate who doesn’t actually care about them just to get their approval.
Regardless of your situation, when faced with the urge to seek external validation, pause and ask yourself, “Am I doing this for myself, or am I just seeking approval and validation from the other person?” Then act accordingly.
As a solid rule of thumb: pursue external validation 20% of the time and internal validation 80% of the time.
Today’s Resource:
A Complete Guide On How To Be Happy After A Breakup — an article addressing, among other things, the nature of validation, some common misconceptions people have around it, and how to cultivate a healthy degree of it yourself.
As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. While I can’t respond to everyone, I do read everything.
Until next time,
Max Jancar
Every Monday I send out an email with one idea, suggestion, and resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love. Enter your email to join the newsletter.