Know When To Stop

This article is an excerpt from my book, From The Inside Out: A Counterintuitive Approach To Re-Attracting An Ex.

When my first long-term girlfriend dumped me, I spent about nine months trying to get her back. Filled with toxic teenage tendencies and a desperation that short-circuited my moral compass, I used every slimy trick in the book.

I told her the breakup was a great idea, even though I cried myself to sleep the same night. That, and I kept having sleep issues for months after the incident.

I guess I hoped that reverse psychology would somehow entice her to give me another shot. But no, she instantly agreed with me instead. And she meant it. That one hurt like hell.

I also tried piquing my ex’s interest by sending her a barrage of texts about our relationship highlights. At one point, I even sent a sappy handwritten letter where I profusely apologized for my mistakes and begged for forgiveness.

The problem was that I completely overlooked how needy I was and how obvious it was that I was just trying to manipulate her by getting her to feel guilty.

To top it off, she also noticed I simply followed a formula for my messages and called me out for it. I didn’t reply. The shame was just too intense.

During my darkest times, I even bribed a few hot girls from my school to comment praise and sexual innuendos on my recent Facebook posts in order to make my ex jealous if she saw them.

It also didn’t help that all those new Facebook posts were fake. They were purposefully crafted to present a lifestyle I merely wanted my ex to think I was having. Parties. Travel. Sick threesomes.

The reality, however, was much different. There were no parties, travel, or threesomes. It was only me — staying home, losing myself in video games, feeling sorry for myself, and wallowing in my misery.

As with the tricks, I also made every mistake in the book. I begged my ex to come back. I pleaded with her for another chance. I stalked her. I prolonged conversations to the point where they became dull and annoying. I kept throwing sissy fits whenever she wasn’t receptive.

Hell, I even kept bugging her friends and asking for intel about her whereabouts, what she was doing, how she felt about me, and who she was dating. Eventually, they all either blocked me or stopped responding.

Sometimes I abused alcohol to forget my heartbreak. Other times I used the warm embraces of strangers to feel something again. But not just any strangers — low lives and damaged goods. They were the most relatable, after all. Perfect for trauma bonding. And usually the easiest to manipulate into hooking up.

In other news: I was a mess. And despite losing the re-attraction battle long ago, I couldn’t stop consuming ex-back advice. I kept intellectualizing the whole thing. I kept looking for answers I already had. I got addicted to this stuff — the articles, the videos, the books, the courses, the coaching, the fucking everything.

You might be expecting a happy ending to this story. How, despite all my fuckups and childlike behavior, I somehow magically got my ex back or something?

Well, fuck you.

My ex never came back. I wasted thousands of dollars on crappy ex-back products, twice as much on therapy, and I tried to kill myself two times during those nine months or something of running after my ex.

That’s what I got in return. And it isn’t far from what an average person gets in return as well. And it all happened because I just couldn’t let go. Because I was too selfish and stubborn to let go. I knew I was ruining my life and my ex’s, yet I kept holding on.

Don’t be like me. Don’t be a fucking idiot and instead stop before you ruin everything. If you’re not seeing any progress in re-attracting your ex in 1-3 months after the breakup, they’re probably over you, and you should consider them gone for good.

If they reach out and prove otherwise — great, set a date and see where it goes. But till then, assume they’re gone forever, leave the idea of re-attraction behind, and stop digesting ex-back advice. Opt out of everything related to it. Your mental health will appreciate it.

I know you hate to hear this. I know it’s not what you want me to write. But fuck you, it’s the truth. The kind that cuts through the motivational fluff typical ex-back advice is soaked in. The kind that suffocates the false hope most ex-back gurus supply you with. The kind that, if you let it, will in the long-term paradoxically make you a more self-reliant, self-respecting, resilient, and thus, attractive person — a better person.