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Ex-back gurus are essentially shoddy and overhyped product peddlers who exploit your — the potential customers’ — insecurities and heartbreak for profit. These people are sadly a recurring theme at the moment, and more of them keep popping up every day.
This article aims to help you tell the difference between a guru and someone who actually knows what they’re talking about and has your best interest in mind.
So here are 12 signs indicating that who you’re tuning into for ex-back advice is a guru. Think of them as red flags in dating — the more of them a person has, the higher the likelihood you should run away.
Sign #1: A person claims they have this “fountain of knowledge” for sale with secrets and insights you can’t find anywhere else. Bitch, it’s the internet. There are no secrets. You can find virtually anything you’d want for free with a quick Google search. There’s even ChatGPT now, dammit!
Sign #2: A person preaches how you have some exceptionally high chance of getting your ex back if you buy their product. Pretty big red flag here. I wrote about this extensively in my article on the signs your ex will come back, but to give the gist: according to data extracted from large-scale studies, only 30% of exes get back together post-breakup, and only half of those people actually stay together for good. The odds just aren’t in your favor, and whoever tells you otherwise is selling bullshit.
Sign #3: A person keeps dishing out unrealistic and hypey product claims. Here’s one decent example, “I’ll teach you how to tap into your ex’s primal instincts, fire up her sex drive, and mold the image of you that she has in the back of her mind. Her panties will be dripping wet before you can say, “snufalufagus.” (source). And here’s another example, “My program contains a copy-paste scientifically-proven method that will bypass your ex-girlfriends/boyfriends logical brain center and send their emotions into overdrive so they will begin to crave you instantly! And yes, you can perform this secret method from the comfort of the keyboard of your phone, and even if you think there’s no hope for reconciliation and EVEN if your ex told you they don’t want to get back together!” (source)
Sign #4: A person bombards you with spam affiliate emails. This usually happens right after you sign up for their newsletter, ebook, quiz results, checklist, masterclass, free video, cheat sheet, etc. Here’s an example of a spam email: “I have something shockingly powerful to share with you that turns your wife/gf into an addict for passion and intimacy. This works even if they’re never in the mood. And even if they’re “tired” all the time. Apply this trick today and watch as she can’t get enough of you. This could be the most important few minutes of your week! Regards.” (source).
Sign #5: A person heavily leans on the bullshit backstory technique. This is a well-articulated but fabricated rags-to-riches story gurus tell you to gain your trust and build rapport. Its goal is to show how the guru sharing it faced the same problem as you’re facing now. And then, it has to demonstrate how this guru solved their problem(s) and reached the conclusion you’re after with the help of whatever product they’re selling. An example: “Listen, I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been through my share of bad breakups… I also felt shocked, sorrowful, betrayed, and anxious. But then I found this [insert fake miracle cure here], and I got my ex back. In fact, not only did I get them back, but we made it work and are now, as I write this, still together, happier than ever, with a new house, a dog, and two and a half kids.”
Sign #6: A person uses fake scarcity. What is scarce will always be perceived as more valuable than what is abundant. It’s a general law in human psychology. And gurus love to abuse the everlasting shit out of it. That’s why they plaster their sales pages with shit like, “Spots are limited,” or “This video may be taken down soon – do NOT miss the end!.” For the record, there’s nothing wrong with using scarcity if you’re honest about it — if something is genuinely time or quantity limited. I do it all the time. Curious to know whether you’re the subject of fake scarcity? Check out TheWayBackMachine. It’s a free online library that stores previous versions of various websites and makes them accessible to the public.
Sign #7: A person lists a ton of overly positive reviews for their product. Most are likely bought, forged, or from affiliates who earn money from selling the product. If you’re looking for genuine reviews, search the Better Business Bureau. It’s also worth taking a gander at discussions unfolding in relevant niche forums and subreddits. And if the reviews of the sales page in question contain any photos of people, you could also do a reverse image search to see if they’re from real people or just bought on stock photo sites.
Sign #8: A person claims they’re a bestselling Amazon author. Newsflash: almost anyone can be a bestselling author there. Check out this video of a guy making a blank book that sold a measly 49 copies an Amazon bestseller. Generally, always be skeptical of any labels or features online personalities brandish themselves with. Most of the time, they’re bought, not earned. Who sells them? Almost too many companies to list, but here are a few: Lioncrest Publishing, Advantage Publishing, Speak in Dubai, Speak at Harvard, Forbes, Huffington Post.
Sign #9: A person claims the purpose of the no contact rule is to win your ex back. Wrong. The purpose of the no contact rule is to psychologically, physically, and spiritually detach yourself from your ex and win yourself back. It’s not about them; it’s about you. Thinking about it along any other lines just leads to dumb games, powerplays, and relational dysfunction. None of which make a good foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship to blossom. For a deeper dive into this subject, read: The Ultimate Guide To The No Contact Rule.
Sign #10: A person says you need to participate in no contact for X days. Bullshit. No contact should always be permanent. Not only is this the most effective way of getting back with your ex, it’s also the most mature one. The only reason gurus tell you otherwise, is because it’s what you want to hear, it feels good to hear it, and it, as a result, sells better. Read about my further reasoning here: Exposing The 30-Day No Contact Rule Scam.
Sign #11: A person promotes any form of manipulation. Ignore your ex, make them jealous, get them to chase you at all costs, let getting back together be their idea, wait X days before replying to their text, always end the conversation first, use reverse psychology, play hard to get, send this pre-prepared text (i.e., the good reminder/happy memory text or the green-eyed-monster text) or handwritten letter — all of these are giant neon flashing billboards with the words, “Run Away!” written on them.
Sign #12: A person tells you that getting back with an ex is a quick process. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that it’s actually a very long and grueling one. A process, that is, that you’ll most likely fail at.
On a final note, while the web is crawling with ex-back gurus, there is still hope. There are still people out there who are ethical and genuine and who give healthy and useful advice.
These are people like Craig Kenneth, Corey Wayne, The Dating Guy, Rory from The Love Chat, or Jack from Men’sBreakup. These are the people you should learn from. These are the people who seem to actually care.
This article is under fair use. Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research. Also, this article is an opinion and in no way should be construed as statements of fact. Scams, bad business, gurus, and fake gurus are subjective terms that mean different things to different people.
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