30 Glaring Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back - Max Jancar
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30 Glaring Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

By Max Jancar | Published: May 17, 2022 | 18 Minute Read | Ex-Back

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I get it. You’re curious about the signs your ex will eventually come back so you can more easily pinpoint your chances of reconciliation. I commend you for your commitment.

However, here’s some sobering advice: the more you obsess over these signs — or if your ex will return in general — the likelier it is that you’ll make unnecessary mistakes that could harm your emotional well-being and sabotage re-attraction, lowering the odds of mending your relationship.

So while it’s okay to be aware of the signs your ex may return, it’s crucial to recognize and curb any obsession with them. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning and go from there.

Do Exes Even Come Back

Yes, exes do come back — but it’s rare.

According to a 3000+ participant study from ExBackPermanently, as well as my anecdotal evidence from coaching people on reconciliation for the last five years, only 30% of exes get back together. And only half of those 30% stay together for good. The remaining half parted ways shortly after getting back together. (1)

PSA: I have since spent over a year conducting a survey on the prevalence of reconciliation. According to over 4000 people who responded, only 32% of exes get back together. Of these, roughly 18% have stayed together for over a year after reconciling. You can read more about my survey here.

A crucial aspect to note here is that individuals who managed to rekindle and maintain a relationship did not simply sit back and hope for their ex to return. Instead, they took the initiative, invested in themselves, and addressed and resolved the major underlying problems that caused their breakup.

Moreover, these people didn’t waste time chasing after their ex. Especially not if the ex was cold and unreceptive or didn’t put much effort into mending the relationship. Instead, these people moved on. And it wasn’t until they’ve given their ex enough space through moving on that the ex came back into the picture.

Sounds paradoxical, but letting go of your ex truly is the best way to get them back.

The Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

Below are 30 signs your ex will eventually come back. To be clear, just because your ex displays any of them, doesn’t necessarily mean they actually will return. Think of them more as signals of high interest and not necessarily guarantees for reconciliation.

1. Your ex initiates contact

This is most definitely a sign they’ll come back if their contact is a) about you as a person, b) isn’t about logistics (children, pets, living arrangements, work, shared possessions), and c) isn’t indirect (social media tagging, liking your post, commenting under your profile photo). An example of such a contact would be when your ex tells or texts you something like, “This restaurant reminded me of our first date,” or when they ask, “Hey there, how are you? Just checking up on you.”

2. Your ex contacts you regularly and responds quickly and enthusiastically

This is usually a sign they’ll come back, but approach the situation cautiously and don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. This potential sign could mean different things to different people, so there’s always context to note. For instance, if you’re talking about a shared work project and your ex responds quickly, it’s likely not a sign of interest. Yet, it probably is if they respond quickly when discussing what you’ve done over the weekend.

3. Your ex is curious about you

For example, they keep asking how you’re doing, whether or not you’re still hurting, how your studies are going, how your career is unfolding, or how your dating life is turning out. The more questions they ask and the more personal and inquisitive they are, the more they’re probably interested in coming back.

4. Your ex keeps contacting you even though you’ve told them to stop

Translation: they’re panicking. Perhaps they’re even desperate. On the one hand, this is good. It’s a clear indicator of interest. But on the other, it can be downright disastrous. After all, you can’t build a stable and healthy relationship on a bedrock of panic and desperation.

5. Your ex drunk-texts or drunk-calls you

You know those 1 a.m. monologues your ex unleashes about how much they hate you yet miss you, but only because they want to fuck you, but then again, would consider something more serious? Good sign. Especially if your ex keeps doing it.

6. Your ex reaches out on special occasions or holidays

Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases, Easter, and Thanksgiving being the most common culprits. Note, however, that if your breakup happened a long time ago, this probably isn’t a sign your ex will come back but only a simple gesture of kindness.

7. Your ex keeps creating excuses to talk to you

For example, “I just remembered I left XYZ at your place?” Or “How are the apartment renovations coming along?” If it’s not obvious already, your ex couldn’t care less about these things. Chances are, they’re just using them as excuses to get in touch with you because they miss you but are too afraid or embarrassed to be upfront about it (see: signs your ex is pretending to be over you).

8. Your ex apologizes for what went wrong

That is, they own their mistakes and admit them. For instance, they say, “I’m sorry I acted so controlling when we were together. I know I have a problem. I’m getting help tomorrow.” Or they say, “You know, I really did neglect your needs. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I wish I could go back and fix my mistakes.”

9. Your ex prolongs your conversations

Meaning that whenever you’d like to end a conversation, they come up with more questions to keep you from getting away. Now sometimes this doesn’t mean anything. But if you notice your ex is repeatedly prolonging conversations that should’ve ended five to ten exchanges ago, it’s a good sign.

10. Your ex brings up past hurts

For example, they tell you, “When you spent the entire week working, only coming home to bed, it made me feel really inferior.” Or, “I got really upset when you pulled out your phone whenever we had lunch together. It felt like I wasn’t interesting anymore.” Statements like that indicate that your ex still cares, so it’s wise to interpret them as indicators of attraction.

11. Your ex brings up old memories in good light

Like when they say, “Remember when we took that spontaneous road trip and explored new places together?” Or, “Remember when we had that amazing picnic in the park and laughed so hard we couldn’t stop?” Or, “Remember when we went to that park, and I snorted cocaine off your tits while you were having an epileptic seizure? Good times.”

12. Your ex places themselves into your orbit

Meaning they purposefully go to places and venues where they know you’ll be at. So if you keep seeing them wherever you go, it may be because they’re deliberately placing themselves there to make it easy for you to strike up a conversation and re-attract them.

13. Your ex makes non-accidental eye contact

Humans are wired to make eye contact with whatever they find interesting and are curious about. So if your ex keeps giving you glances or checking you out when you’re near them, or if they stare at you more than usual while you talk, they’re probably still interested. (2)

14. Your ex displays positive Social cues and body language

For instance, whenever you’re interacting in-person, they face toward you, lean in, smile a lot, laugh perhaps a bit too much at your jokes, lightly touch you, stand closer to you than usual, or keep their arms relaxed and at their sides, gesturing with open palms.

15. Your ex ditches their friends for you

Meaning they cancel their plans and leave their friends behind so they can spend more time with you. This is often a difficult thing to do, so consider it a huge sign they’ll come back.

16. Your ex stays in touch with your family

Always consider context here. If they don’t have any good reasons to stay in touch, it’s probably a good sign. But if they’re simply close with your family, it probably means nothing. They just care about them, that’s all.

17. Your ex stays in touch with your friends and asks about you

For example, they ask them about what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, what’s going on in your life, if you miss them, still love them, and whether or not you ever talk about them, or at least mention them.

18. Your ex defends you

For example, they take your side when people are talking shit about you. Or perhaps they get into physical altercations with those wanting to do you harm.

19. Your ex blocks and unblocks you

Normally, these block-unblock gestures are simply made out of kindness or confusion, so I wouldn’t think much about them. But if your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you — perhaps week-in, week-out — then that’s a good sign of interest.

20. Your ex keeps making social media posts related to you

For instance, they’re splattering their profiles with cringeworthy inspirational quotes, sayings about relationships, empowerment, independence, breakup motivational fluff, or posts directly addressing you.

21. Your ex tries to make you jealous

Maybe they start posting pictures with attractive people of the opposite sex on social media. Maybe they share updates about how much they’re dating. Or perhaps they start bragging to their friends about how great they’re doing and how much fun they’re having, hoping the news eventually reaches you.

22. Your ex gets jealous when they find out you’re dating other people

A dead giveaway. If they didn’t have feelings for you, they couldn’t care less about your love life. An offshoot of this sign is when they try to sabotage your new romantic or potential romantic relationships.

23. Your ex keeps or shows off something that was yours or that you have given them

This is most commonly a piece of clothing, jewelry, or a random trifle you gave them. Think of it as a comfort object. That is, an item used to provide your ex with psychological comfort while you aren’t there with them. (5)

24. Your ex is second-guessing the breakup

We all second-guess our breakups. So it’s normal if your ex does it from time to time, and it doesn’t mean anything. But if they keep second-guessing to a point where it becomes a borderline obsession, it’s a sign they’ll eventually come back.

25. Your breakup was never official

If your ex never told anyone that they broke up with you, it could indicate that they’ll return. But then again, they may be just embarrassed about sharing the news (which is typical for teens and young adults).

26. You had an on/off relationship with your ex

This is a relationship where two people continually break up and get back together. And while cultivating such a relationship does mean your ex will eventually come back, as is the typical pattern, it is a pretty toxic dynamic to get caught up in. So I suggest you eventually end things for good.

27. You broke up in the heat of the moment

Sometimes emotions make us say and do things we didn’t really want to say and do. One of which is ending our relationship prematurely or unintentionally getting our ex so riled up that they end it. People usually get back together relatively quickly after such mishaps.

28. Your ex talks about a future with you

For example, they bring up cool date ideas, plans about trips you’d go on in the future, or even more serious stuff like buying a pet someday, getting married, having kids, or settling down. All solid signs you still have a chance of mending things.

29. Your ex expresses pride about your achievements and growth

Meaning they congratulate and compliment you often. The more, the merrier. However, note that if it’s been a long time since your breakup, this could just be a polite gesture devoid of any romantic interest.

30. Your ex shows the painfully obvious

They’re all over you, keep touching you, keep being affectionate, buy you gifts, write you notes or poems, sprinkle many affectionate emojis through their texts, compliment you profusely, seek your approval and validation, tell you how much they love and miss you, ask you to meet up, or express how they want to get back together.

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Why Obsessing Over The Signs Your Ex Will Come Back Sucks

As I alluded in the beginning of this article, it’s because it usually harms your emotional well-being and sabotages re-attraction.

Starting with well-being, it encourages panic and stress, and can even lead to rumination: a tendency to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying, figuring out, trying to understand, analyzing, or clarifying a breakup-related thought or theme.

Now this tendency brings us to re-attraction sabotage. Because it’s rumination that often leads to neediness. And it’s neediness that often leads to sabotaging behaviors.

Behaviors like:

You get the idea.

A Better Way Of Determining If Your Ex Will Come Back

Instead of holding onto your chances or the signs I listed earlier, shift your focus to something more important than getting your ex back. This something can be anything — fighting for a cause you believe in, following some life purpose, investing in another relationship, excelling in your career, etc.

The theory goes that once you find something more important and meaningful than your ex and shift your focus on it, you experience the following benefits:

Need I say more?

It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s only when you find something more important than your ex and hone in on it that you can curb your obsession and raise your chances of getting them back.

And if they don’t come back?

That’s fine.

Because now you have the space in your life for an even better person to take their place. And, although you might not believe me, there’s always a better person to take your ex’s place.

(Optional) Top Questions About The Signs An Ex Will Eventually Come Back

How do you know if your ex will eventually come back for sure?

Out of all the signs, if your ex is reaching out regularly, is enthusiastic, talks about the future, shows affection when you meet up or when you’re away, and is blatant about still being interested, they’ll surely come back.

However, you never really know how these things pan out. So it’s best if you just get better at handling uncertainty.

How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?

I wrote an entire article on this topic that you can read here. But here’s a rundown of the most glaring signs:

  • Your ex is pissed off at you.
  • Your ex keeps your stuff.
  • Your ex places themselves into your orbit and pretends like it was an accident.
  • Your ex tells their friends to spy on you and gathers intel.
  • Your ex keeps checking your socials.
  • Your ex doesn’t disconnect you from shared online services (i.e., Netflix or Apple Music).

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you?

Again, I wrote an article about this topic that you can read here. But here’s another rundown of the major signs:

  • Your ex told you to move on.
  • Your ex blocked you.
  • Your ex is avoiding you.
  • Your ex removed you from their social media.
  • Your ex is cold and indifferent toward you.
  • Your ex doesn’t want to meet up.
  • Your ex  speaks badly about you (this one could also be a test, though).
  • Your ex returns your stuff.

What Stops Exes From Coming Back?

Occasionally, an ex would want to come back but a particular roadblock thwarts their desire. Now sometimes this roadblock is in your control, other times it’s not.

A few that are within your control:

And here are some roadblocks outside your control:

  • Your ex is simply incompatible with you (in terms of values, beliefs, worldviews, goals, etc.).
  • Your ex is getting into another relationship.
  • Your ex joined the army.
  • Your ex is moving far away from you (to another country or a distant town, for example).
  • Your ex wants to date casually for a while.

What Can I Do To Make My Ex Come Back?

This is a rather broad topic, but if I condense it down to first principles, focus on the following:

What should I do if I see signs that my ex wants to come back?

You should read this guide on how to get an ex back I’ve put together.

But to summarize, as soon as your ex reaches out and it’s about something personal, you should first engage in a short conversation, like a 3-5 text message exchange or a 5-minute call. Then, somewhere at the start of this conversation, you should invite them out on a date. And once you meet up, hangout, have fun, hook up.

Now repeat the process over and over again until talks of re-commitment start popping up, at which point, have the talk, seal the deal, and you’re pretty much done.

Will my ex come back after no contact?

While there is no way to know for sure, what we can be certain about is that by applying no contact you’ll drastically raise the chances of your ex coming back than if you didn’t apply it.

Still, it’s important to remember that you cannot control your ex’s choices, no matter what you do. So focus on your well-being and personal growth, and be prepared for whatever outcome arises, whether it involves reconciliation or moving on alone.

Will my ex come back if they are in a rebound relationship?

Whether your ex will come back if they are in a rebound relationship is uncertain. However, you can find comfort in reminding yourself that rebounds often don’t last more than a few weeks because they likely only serve as a way for your ex to cope with the pain and loneliness of a breakup.

Why Does An Ex Come Back After Leaving?

There can be several reasons why an ex might come back after leaving. And while everyone’s situation is unique, some common ones include loneliness, nostalgia, remorse, jealousy, a simple change in emotions and priorities, external pressure from family and friends, fear of never finding another partner or someone better, convenience in the context of shared assets or living arrangements.

How long does it take for an ex to come back?

The likelihood of rekindling a relationship depends on various factors, including its duration, nature, and intensity, your age group, your attachment style, and the level of emotional dependency.

That being said, based on a 4534-participant survey I made, the exes who do get back together, generally get back together in 2.56 months post-breakup.

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