The Ultimate Guide To The No Contact Rule - Max Jancar
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The Ultimate Guide To The No Contact Rule

By Max Jancar | Updated: May 17, 2021 | 32 Minute Read

No Contact Rule

The no contact rule is the foundational piece of breakup advice and one of the fastest, most surefire ways to recover and/or mend a broken relationship.

Yet, despite its glaring popularity, the no contact rule is also one of the most misunderstood topics in the entire breakup advice world.

Most people believe its sole purpose is to help them win their ex back. And while you certainly can use no contact to increase your chances of doing so — and we will talk about this later — that’s not its primary purpose.

The real reason why someone would go no contact is to win themselves back. Getting their ex back would only be an extension of winning themselves back — a side-effect, per se.

This mentality will be the lens through which I will examine and explain the no contact rule and its aspects throughout this article.

By the end of the read, you’ll know what the no contact rule is and isn’t, its benefits, the psychology behind it, how to apply it, and all the intricate in’s and out’s of it. I’ll even share techniques to help you make the no contact rule an everyday habit, even when you’re desperate to reach out to your ex.

What Is The No Contact Rule

To recover from your breakup, whether you want to get back with your ex or move on, you have to first emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually separate yourself from them. That’s what the no contact rule primarily helps you with.

Going to contact — a.k.a., executing this rule — means cutting off all communication with your ex. From now on…

When it comes to the length of the no contact period, some recommend you make it seven days, some say 30, some 60, and others insist on 90 days. I call bullshit on all those theories. I don’t believe in the whole time period thing at all. The no contact period should be indefinite.

Meaning, once your relationship is over, you devote yourself to personal growth and recovery. You let your ex go. If they ever want another shot with you, they’ll contact you. From there, you can set up a date and rekindle things. You don’t have to, nor should you, resort to chasing after them — especially if they dumped you.

Besides, why would you even want to chase after someone, let alone win someone back, with whom things didn’t work out? Neediness? Fear? Anxiety? Love Codependency? Those aren’t healthy intentions for wanting an ex back.

Generally speaking, I encourage you to let the whole “get your ex back” venture go. But if you really want to go down that road, please, recover and let go of your ex first. After all, that’s, by itself, the first step to getting them back.

What The No Contact Rule is not

Many people misconceive the no contact rule as a form of punishment, game play, technique/gimmick or a miracle cure. Truth is, the no contact rule is none of those things. If you make yourself believe it is, you’ll have a difficult time integrating it into your life since you’ll feel like a bad person as you do it. Hence, you’ll only prolong your suffering. So let’s get this straight once and for all.

No contact is not punishment

You’re not punishing your ex by doing it, even if it sometimes feels like it. The only time no contact becomes punishment is when you do out it with the aim of hurting your ex or manipulating them, so they come back—none of which you should do.

No contact is not game-playing

Silent treatments, power-plays, reverse psychology attempts, etc. — no contact is none of that. If you think no contact is some slick shortcut for getting your ex back, you’re in for a shit sandwich.

Aside from acting as a glue-eating buffoon, you’re trying to get someone’s love back through deception. This only leads to another breakup shortly after getting back together as well as perpetual uncertainty whether your ex came back because they value you as a person or because you’ve manipulated and coerced them to return.

No contact is not a technique or gimmick

It’s a positive, empowering, and self-affirming lifestyle you embody that’s rooted in self-respect, self-love, and vulnerability. Whenever you’re trying to think of no contact as a technique, you’re reaping only a fraction of the benefits it carries (we’ll get into the benefits later).

No contact is not a miracle cure

Many breakup experts are hyping up the idea of how no contact will solve all of your post-breakup issues. They say that the only thing you need to do to get your ex back or get over them is to go no contact, and things will take care of themselves.

In reality, no contact is far from a miracle cure. It’s a good start, but it’s not the thing that will get you to hit your post-breakup goals. That boils down to self-improvement work, complimented and encouraged by no contact.

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Should You contact your ex under special circumstances

Sometimes classic no contact is impossible to execute. Maybe you have kids with your ex, maybe you live together, or work at the same office. In any of these cases, you’ll have to resort to something called modified no contact.

The difference between classic and modified is that, in the modified variant, you’re ‘allowed’ to contact your ex. However, that contact needs to be straight to the point, formal or almost businesslike, and singularly focused on the pressing topic(s).

If you need to discuss who will look after your kid for the weekend, discuss it. If there’s a living arrangement that needs to be settled, settle it. Preferably, move out or move your ex out. And if something comes up at work and you need to go over it together, do so.

In general, whenever conversing with your ex, don’t linger. Be brief and end the conversation as soon as you make a mutually favorable arrangement or decision.

If your ex attempts to talk about the relationship, or just about anything personal, end the conversation quickly. Be respectful and polite, yet firm, assertive, and perhaps most importantly, vulnerable. I would say something like this:

I get where you’re coming from, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. Still have a lot of healing to do. Please respect that. Now, let’s get back to talking about our kids/living arrangements/work.

The reason for this attitude is not to manipulate your ex (or to be a jackass) but to limit your interactions with them, especially those entrenched in emotion. Generally, The fewer interactions you have, be that digital or in real life, the faster you’ll be able to heal.

How to handle conflict amid modified no contact

If at any point your conversations turn into conflict, it’s worthwhile to handle it gracefully. Here’s how:

1. Calm down

Seriously. You’ve got to break free of the flight/fight/freeze mode. Try taking a couple of deep breaths while you’re arguing, but if that’s not possible, or it doesn’t help, call a time-out.

Literally tell your ex, “Hey, this is getting way out of hand. Let’s take a quick break, so we can cool down. Then let’s talk about this like adults, without all the drama. I want to get to the bottom of it, just not in this emotional state.”

2. Figure out what the issue is how to resolve it

When you’ve calmed down, try to genuinely understand where your ex is coming from — ponder on why you’re arguing in the first place. Usually, it’s because of some sort of emotional baggage or a difference in values.

The former would be an argument about one person being cold and distant, and the letter an argument about one person wanting to raise their child one way and the other another way.

3. Use requests instead of complaints

Instead of saying, “I’m angry because you’re this, this and that. Why can’t you just do XYZ!” say, “I feel frustrated right now. Please, let’s just do XYZ so we can move on with this. How does that sound?”

The latter response will often institute a calming effect in the dynamic between you and your ex, primarily because the response communicates that you’re not accusing or attacking them but being understanding and respectful.

4. Resolve the issue

Whether that means making a compromise or enforcing your boundaries even further.

Sadly, modified no contact is tainted with a glaring drawback. It commands much higher levels of emotional self-control to pull off than the classic counterpart. Plus, it’s not as nearly effective since you’re always predisposed to re-opening your breakup wounds due to regular proximity to your ex.

But then again, don’t let that deter you from applying it. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice. Make the best with what you have. Never put your life on hold because of your ex.

What to expect when you start no contact And How Long Will It Take To Start Working

Below is a rough timeline of what you may feel during no contact, so you’ll know what to expect at every step of the way. And while not everyone goes through this exact timeline, it is one I keep repeatedly seeing with my readers.

After 1-3 weeks of no contact

Your emotions are going haywire. You simultaneously feel shock, shame, fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, and devastation.

You also lash out at others, contemplate revenge, feel as though you’re unworthy, find it impossible to move on, constantly miss and obsess over your ex and want them back, and face several intense urges to break no contact.

After one month of no contact

This is where things get easier. Sure, you still feel like shit, you still blame, criticize and belittle yourself, and you still keep coming up with ideas about breaking no contact.

But you at least a) get better at dealing with your urges and emotions, b) those urges and emotions subside and get easier to deal with, or c) a little bit of both.

After two months of no contact

You’re hardly getting any urges to break no contact, are not checking your phone for your ex’s text every damn second, and are usually open to finding a new partner. It is, however, still normal to want your ex back at this point, especially if you’ve had a long and serious relationship with them.

Generally speaking, the first 30 to 60 days of no contact will be a wild ride. But once you make it through, things get exponentially easier.

After three months of no contact

Your confidence and mojo come back if it hasn’t already, and most of your urges to break no contact abate. This is usually also the period of rediscovery — one where your focus shifts from your ex to you (even though it’s still normal to want your ex back at this point).

After 4-12 months of no contact

This is a time of acceptance. The chances of recovery are, during this period, high as fuck.

But don’t get me wrong: recovery doesn’t necessarily mean getting over an ex or lossing the desire to get back with them. It simply means being okay and feeling like yourself despite being broken up.

What To Do When Your Ex Reaches Out During No Contact

Many people spend way too much time obsessing about their ex reaching out during no contact and how to respond if they do. And many other breakup advice out there loves to overcomplicate this simple issue. Here’s how I approach it.

Imagine this: you’re going about your day, doing your thing, enjoying life in all it’s glory, when suddenly you get a text message from your ex. It goes, “Hey, this XZY movie reminded me of us.” Now, just seconds after you read it, a nasty thought pops up, “Thanks for reminding me that I’m still not over you. Looks like my day is fucked.”

How would you go about the text? Would you Ignore it? Respond? Ghost? Or desperately call them up?

Well, if you want to get over your ex, I would say something like, “Hey, I’m still healing from our breakup. It would mean a lot if you wouldn’t contact me at this time.” That being said, don’t feel like you have to shy away from other options.

You can tell your ex to fuck off (not recommended). You can block them. You can ghost them. Or you can engage in a short 2-3 message long conversation (or a 5min call) and then say you have to go. It’s your call.

However, if your goal is getting your ex back, you’ll need to handle things a bit differently. When your ex contacts you simply engage in a 2-3 message long conversation (or a 5min call), but instead of saying you have to go, invite them on a date. Then accept whatever answer they give you — including silence.

Note: if your ex is any shade of toxic, they will probably try to hurt you in some way during no contact. Be that through text, call, or an unexpected visit. Thus, mentally prepare yourself for their desperate, needy, angry, or guilt-tripping advances. Here’s what you can expect if your ex leans toward a dysfunctional personality or an insecure attachment:

In any of these cases (and similar ones), resist caving in or starting a fight with your ex. However, also be aware of the following:

Just because you still care for them doesn’t mean you can’t call them out on their bullshit when they’re, for instance, trying to guilt-trip you. Just because they show up at your doorstep doesn’t mean you can’t tell them to go away. Just because they contact you doesn’t mean you even have to respond to their contact — be it friendly or mean, or something in between.

No contact rule psychology

According to numerous studies, love makes your body release oxytocin, endorphin, serotonin, and dopamine into your brain. Experts usually refer to these chemicals as The Love Chemicals. It’s because of these chemicals that you feel like everything is honeycombs and rainbows when you’ve met someone new. But it’s also because of of them that you feel crippling pain and distress when you go no contact. (1)

In fact, when you go no contact and The Love Chemicals are cut off from your brain, you usually go into panic mode. Now, during those panicky moments, what you’re dealing with is a literal addiction — an ex-addiction. Here are just some of the behavioral, psychological, and physiological effects of it: (2) (3) (4)

Whether or not you’re struggling with any consequence of ex-addiction listed above, the psychological foe is always difficult to apprehend and overcome. But that difficulty does oscillate between high and low depending on which side of the breakup you ended up on.

The psychology of no contact on the Dumpee

Dumpees get wrecked in this case. The psychology behind the no contact rule for them eerily resembles the psychology of drug addiction.

For starters, they, on average, feel more overwhelmed, worried, and anxious when their ex cuts communication with them compared to dumpers, primarily because they’re rarely prepared for the breakup. Most don’t even see it coming.

They are also the ones who typically (consciously or unconsciously) want to continue talking to their ex, dating them, or at least keeping a friendship. Unfortunately, their wishes are rarely met. At worst, their craving for closeness gets their ex to take advantage of them.

If you’re the dumpee, here’s my best advice: don’t be friends with your ex. I know you want to. I know you crave that closeness. And I know you’re thinking of using that friendship as a backdoor to a new relationship. But reconciliations don’t work that way.

You won’t get your ex back by being their friend. You’ll get your ex back by cutting them out of your life, focusing on yourself, and accepting that your relationship with them is over — at least for now.

The psychology of no contact on the Dumper

Dumpers have it easier during no contact than dumpees — they move through the breakup stages much faster, for starters. Still, there are also many similarities when comparing the experiences of the two.

Dumpers may also want their ex back. They may also be looking for signs that they still have a chance. They may even be okay with forming a “friends with benefits” type relationship or using casual friendship as a backdoor to a new, committed relationship.

The only tangible difference in how dumpers feel during no contact is that they’re usually not as overwhelmed with emotions as are dumpees. But don’t get me wrong, they still suffer regardless.

If you’re the dumper, here’s my best advice: be honest with your ex. If they keep nagging and chasing and hinder your breakup recovery, tell them that they’re annoying and ask them to stop. Hopefully, they comply. And more extreme cases, don’t be afraid to tell them that don’t want to get back together or stay in touch.

Do men and women respond differently to no contact

There’s a lot of hoopla around the differences in how no contact influences female and male psychology. However, truth is, there’s are no big differences. It’s all a marketing ploy—a form of differentiating from the competition.

Let me explain.

There’s a general consensus in the online business space: the more specific your brand, the better it is in terms of relatability, traffic, and profit. In other words, the more you hone in and master a particular territory of a larger subject, the more people will be interested in your perspective and give you credit for having something unique to say.

Now, this is all fine and well. It’s good advice. But sometimes, people go too narrow. Meaning, instead of creating a business, let’s say, around helping people get their ex back, they create one around helping only men get their ex back.

Sure, this decision grants a way better chance of attracting the right audience, building a unique brand message, and potentially can even lead to larger profits than if you’d opt for a broader pie of the market (i.e., breakup advice in general…).

However, here’s the drawback when entrepreneurs niche down too much: they create artificial complexity around a subject. Meaning, they make a topic more complex than it needs to be in order to appeal to their (potential) customers’ biases and frustrations and help them make more money.

So these unnecessary complications of simple problems are where the “female/male psychology during no contact” question stems from. Like I’ve said, it’s a marketing gimmick. There are no noteworthy differences in how men and women respond to no contact.

Sure, women are more emotional on average, and the no contact period is somewhat more turbulent and chaotic for them, especially in the beginning. And men are more closed off on average, which makes them suffer far more than women following a breakup. But that’s really where the differences end.

In fact, from a broader perspective, the similarities men and women share far outweigh their differences. Sexual polarity is overrated.

Why is the no contact rule so effective (Does It Work?)

As you know by now, cutting communication with your ex promotes faster breakup recovery and increases your chances of getting back together. And while those are the main reasons the no contact rule is so effective (and we will go deeper into them below), they are not the only reasons. There’s way more under the hood.

No Contact Lessens Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts about an ex-partner are unwelcome and involuntary mental patterns or unpleasant ideas that may be upsetting or turn into obsessive thoughts. And going no contact is proven to unclench their hold. But there’s a catch.

When you implement the no contact rule, the number of intrusive thoughts of your ex increase in the short term, making you think and miss them more and more. However, the number of intrusive thoughts decreases drastically in the long term. So while going no contact may hurt now, it saves you a bunch of unnecessary future suffering.

No Contact decreases Negative Feelings and attachment

Psychological studies show that when you cut contact with your ex, the frequency and intensity of negative thoughts about your breakup and sadness and emotional attachment you harbor toward your ex decrease linearly over time. (5) (6)

The studies also show that if you have contact with your ex, either out of choice or because you work together or have kids with them, you will have more difficulties extinguishing negative thoughts and feelings concerning them.

No Contact Makes It Easier To “Find Yourself”

Going no contact makes it far easier to recollect yourself and rebuild your shattered identity after a breakup. For instance, it makes it easier for you to reflect on what’s essential in your life. It enables you to make better and primarily clearer decisions about the new personal values, beliefs, and sources of meaning you wish to try on, own, or displace.

This process is often coined “finding yourself.” Put differently, whenever a person who just came out of a traumatic experience says they have to “find herself/himself,” this is the process they are referring to, be that knowingly or unknowingly.

No Contact Helps You See The Bigger Picture

In other words, applying the no contact rule gives you a broader perspective on your problems, worries, and concerns.

First off, you begin to see your loss in a more down-to-earth way and not as some life-ending event. Good going! You also begin to see that you don’t need your ex to be happy. You didn’t need them before they entered your life, so you don’t need them now. Way to go! And finally, cutting your ex out of your life reduces your overall stress levels, helps you build self-esteem, and makes it easier to improve your ability to be self-aware. Hell yeah!

No Contact Helps You Get Your Ex Back Faster

When your ex broke up with you, they are telling you the two things: a) my attraction for you dropped, and b) I no longer want you in my life, at least not in the same capacity as you want me.

These things are usually the result of you chasing, pleading, and showing a lack of self-respect. So the dynamic in this case is: your ex has all the power; you have none.

The no contact rule helps rebalance this. It prevents you from chasing, pursuing, and pleading further — a.k.a., making more unattractive, self-disrespecting mistakes. And it gives your ex the freedom to re-chose you at their own pace. It even sparks their curiosity and makes the more likely to reach out.

In fact, studies show that 40-60% of exes keep in touch after their breakup, and in 90% of the cases, their contact is initiated within the first few months following it. Still, don’t confuse this seemingly positive statistic with the odds of getting back with an ex. Those are still low as fuck. (7) (8) (9)

If your ex contacts you at some point during no contact, the relational dynamic will consequently shift. At that point, how to move forward is your call.

Just keep in mind that while no contact contributes to getting your ex interested and back in your arms again, it doesn’t help you keep them, especially in cases where a) your relationship is toxic or b) you’re incompatible. That’s what self-improvement is for. And that’s why you should always couple no contact with self-improvement for best results.

5 signs the no contact rule is working

Luckily, there are signs that indicate that the no contact rule is working as it should. Below, I’ll go over 5 of the most recurring ones. The first two are related to getting your ex back and the last three to letting them go for good.

Sign #1: Your ex contacts you. Whether their contact is in the form of an obnoxious, “I miss you and can’t live without you,” or the subtle, “This thing reminded me of you,” it’s a good indicator that they’re interested again.

Note: Another offshoot of this same sign is when your ex becomes more responsive after no contact. This is easy to spot. It’s when they don’t need much time to respond to your texts or calls, when they don’t think twice about meeting up with you or when they unblock you from social media.

Sign #2: Your ex is asking around about you. Whether they ask your exclusive friends, family, or shared friends, it’s all a decent sign that they’re still interested.

Sign #3: You begin to feel mild indifference toward your ex. This means you’re nearing the final stage of breakup recovery, acceptance. It’s when the thoughts about your ex don’t ruin your day anymore. It’s when you’ve made peace with what has happened. It’s when you got a new sense of confidence back and are beginning to feel excitement for what the future holds.

Sign #4: An idea of a new partner begins to feel exciting. Whether you’re just excited to date around, ready to settle down with someone, or anything in between, it’s a good sign that you’re nearing full recovery. A rebound may just save your life.

Sign #5: Encountering them doesn’t make you feel anxious. Instead, you’re swamped by relaxation and the feeling where you have nothing left to prove to your ex, no validation you’d want from them, or any expectations around the encounter.

How To stay “in No contact” Once You Started

Whenever you get the urge to contact your ex in any way (text, call, real-life), take out a journal and write how you felt just before the contact, how you felt during the contact, and how you felt after the contact. Leave no stone unturned. Write down everything about the experience.

Here are some additional questions to reflect upon that will help you out when journaling. Be sure to formulate some of your own as well.

Once you’ve written down all of your thoughts and feelings, don’t forget to repeat the process. Make this exercise a habit or an instant response whenever you feel like reaching out to your ex. The more times you do it, the more disciplined you’ll become.

Now, there is a way to make this technique even more effective in keeping you “in no contact.” The secret? Stacking additional activities on top of your journaling efforts. These can be anything you like. Here’s how I would go about it.

…When I get the urge to break no contact, I would:

  1. Write my thoughts down in your journal (Part one of this whole technique)
  2. Take a few deep breaths.
  3. Turn off my phone/computer.
  4. Go for a walk in nature.
  5. Meditate.
  6. Contact a family member, friend, or anyone I feel is open and willing to talk and listen to me.
  7. Play with lego’s/solve a puzzle/buy groceries/go to the movies, etc.

Remember: the formula of this activity is: “After I think of contacting my ex, I will [desired activity].”

You may need to experiment with different sets of activities to find the combination that works best for you. Don’t rush. Take your time, and be patient with yourself. It’s worth it.

What to do if you break (or keep breaking) no contact

If you ever break no contact, don’t fuss about it. Simply start again. Sure it sucks that you’ve lost your streak and that you’re starting a new one now, but whatever you did before breaking no contact is not a waste.

We all get caught in the bullshit of doing something perfectly. Yet, that’s just not how reality unfolds 99% of the time. You will make mistakes, some bigger, some smaller. Accept this. And rather than getting worked up about them, consider learning from them.

Try to discern the things that contributed to you breaking no contact, and maybe limit them in the future.

For example, if what got you to break no contact is a cheesy post about love on Facebook, delete the app from your phone. Or if it was that one friend who just happened to open up the topic of your breakup, tell them not to bring it up until you feel better about it.

Along the process of identifying what made you break no contact, be brutally honest with yourself about what exactly happened and why.

What To Avoid During No Contact

Whether you just started no contact or you’re months in, there are certain things you should never do. Not only will these actives prevent you from recovering and improving, but they’ll also cause permanent damage to your mental health if indulged in for too long.

Repression/suppression

Suppressing and repressing your emotions means pushing them down instead of feeling them wholly. The only difference between the two is that when we repress our emotions, we push them down unconsciously, and when we suppress them, we push them down consciously.

In both cases, the more we do it, the worse we’ll feel, and the more mood swings, temper tantrums, and general irritability we’ll experience while trying to maintain no contact.

Escapism

Escapism is when we avoid facing and overcoming our painful feelings by indulging in a variety of trivial pursuits that act as distractions. These can be binge playing video games or watching movies, exercising, drinking, shopping, and so forth. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with occasional distractions, but it is wrong when they become frequent.

For example, playing video games for a few hours every evening to get your mind off the whole no contact thing is healthy. But having a two-week-24/7 video game binge to keep you preoccupied is not.

Over-expression

Over-expression is another word for lousy emotional management. And God, does lousy emotional management pop up during the first few months of no contact. It happens to almost everyone. The act essentially refers to venting all negativity to the point where it gets smothering and destructive for the person or people that you’re interacting with.

For instance, when one of my ex-girlfriends dumped me, the next thing I did the other day was meet up with an old friend to vent my worries. Little did he know that my venting would turn into a two-hour-long fiery rant about how my ex is the incarnation of Satan.

This was toxic vulnerability on my part. It’s oversharing. It’s overexertion. It’s unnecessary. After we drank our coffee, we regretted the decision to meet up. My friend was frustrated, and I was ashamed. The lesson? Don’t be toxic. Whine and vent if you have to, just not for two hours straight.

Obsession

A lot of people, primarily those who want their ex back, obsess about them during no contact. It’s safe to say that that’s probably the worst thing you can do. It only amplifies frustration, stress, worry, neediness, self-sabotaging tendencies, and fear.

If you find yourself obsessing over your ex (hint: you’ve read at least five other articles on the of getting your ex back), remind yourself that it’s bad for your sanity. Remind yourself to stay in no contact. Distract yourself with something else that can hold your interest and engage you — but not to the point where it becomes escapism.

(Optional) Top Questions About The no contact rule

1. Does no contact work after acting desperate or needy?

I get it, you really want the certainty that what you’re doing is the right move, but here’s the deal: you’ll never get that certainty. You’ll never know if no contact is the right move after being needy or desperate. All you can do — and all that you should do — is learn how to handle that uncertainty well.

2. Won’t my ex forget about me if I Don’t Reach Out?

No. Contrary to common belief, the no contact rule doesn’t make your ex miss you less (or forget about you), but more. Hence the saying, “attraction grows in space.” The longer you stay in no contact, the greater the chances of your ex reaching out become.

3. How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?

The amount of time it takes for your ex to start missing you during no contact varies. The average period lasts somewhere between 2 to 3 months, that is, until they miss you so much that they reach out. But there are exceptions. Your ex could start missing you years after your breakup. They could start missing you only weeks after. Or they could never start missing you.

4. My Ex Unblocked Me But Hasn’t Reached Out. What now?

Do nothing. If you want them back, let them make the effort to contact you directly. Change your mind about getting your ex back. Instead of thinking: “How can I get my ex back. How can I impress them? Do they still like me?” Think: “How will they go about getting me back? Will they put in the effort? How will they impress me? Will I even be impressed in the first place? Would I even want them back?”

5. Should I block my ex on Social Media When Doing No Contact?

I generally advise everyone to block their ex, at least for the first few months of no contact. However, if you must interact with them (i.e., you live together/work together/have kids/etc.), then obviously don’t block them. Use the modified no contact rule I mentioned earlier.

6. What if my ex is angry because we don’t Talk?

Anger means that they’re still emotionally invested in you — a.k.a., not over you. So if your goal is to get them back, that’s good news. But until they calmed down, I wouldn’t bother trying to get them back even if they reached out and gave you all the right signs. You’re not going to get far with someone who’s upset. And don’t feel guilty for not engaging with your ex while they’re pissed off. You owe them nothing. You’re not responsible for how they feel.

7. Should I Break No Contact?

In most cases, no. But if your sole intention is to arrange something of utmost importance with your ex regarding a topic that has nothing to do with them (shared home/work-project/kids), then yes.

8. Is no contact for a short term relationship the same as for a long-term one?

Funny question. Sounds like you’re just hunting for an excuse to contact your ex. Truth is, no contact is the same for all, short and long-term relationships. If one doesn’t work out, you walk away and never look back. It’s that simple.

9. What Is The Success Rate Of The No Contact Rule

According to a survey I sent a few months ago to my readers (over 1000 of them), the success rate of the no contact rule hovers around 90%. And call me delusional, but if you follow and commit to this guide, the no contact rule will probably reach a success rate of 100%.

These success rates, however, don’t relate to getting your ex back. They only relate to getting over them or getting yourself in the most promising position to get back with them when or if they choose to walk back into your life.

Do It For The Right Reasons

If there’s one key piece of advice that you should take away from this article, it’s this: don’t commit to no contact to win your ex back. Commit to no contact to win yourself back. 

That’s what the no contact rule is really for. That’s what it was always for. Everything else — peace of mind, a newfound sense of self-esteem and respect, radical recovery, getting back together with an ex — is just a sexy side effect.

So, close your eyes, take a deep breath and cut ties with your ex. Jump out the old, into the new. Don’t think. Don’t linger. Just do it. Let yourself get engulfed in the celestial firestorm of uncertainty, wonder, and change. This is a new beginning. Make it count.

5 Big Ideas That Will Help You Reunite With Your Ex... And Stay Together For Good

Receive what I like to think as the definitive "cheat codes" to getting back with your ex. Spoiler alert: they have nothing to do with games or no contact, and they don't make you look desperate.