The Ultimate Guide To The No Contact Rule - Max Jancar
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The Ultimate Guide To The No Contact Rule

By Max Jancar | Updated: May 1, 2022 | 32 Minute Read | Re-Attraction

No Contact Rule

The no contact rule, or in layman’s terms, cutting your ex out of your life, is the foundational and most widespread piece of breakup advice. Every blogger and their dog recommend it these days. And for good reasons.

It’s one of the most effective ways to recover from a breakup, grow as a person, retake control of your life, and ultimately, get into a position where you have the best chance of getting your ex back and mending things.

Yet, despite its glaring popularity, the no contact rule is also one of the most misunderstood pieces of breakup advice. In this article, I’ll shed some light on the whole thing.

By the end of the read, you’ll know what the no contact rule is and isn’t, its benefits, intricacies, the psychology behind it, and how to apply it. I’ll even share techniques to help you make the no contact rule an everyday habit, even when you’re desperate to reach out to your ex.

So go and make yourself some hot cocoa, pour five shots of whiskey in it, and let’s do this shit.

What Is The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule helps you emotionally, physically, and spiritually separate yourself from your ex. It essentially translates to cutting them out of your life. From now on…

There is one caveat to the whole no contact rule. After you break up, but still before you apply no contact, you should tell your ex that you want them back.

Be authentic, polite, direct, and above all, vulnerable. The medium through which you express yourself doesn’t really matter. You can do it through text, social media, a phone call, or in real life. And it doesn’t matter when your breakup happened or who is the dumpee or the dumper.

If your ex shows signs of interest, is receptive, and directly or indirectly implies that they want to get back together after you told them you want them back, invite them on a date and start mending your relationship. In this case, no contact is not needed (for more details, refer to my guide on getting an ex back).

Conversely, if your ex is showing little to no signs of interest, is unreceptive, or if they’ve blocked, ghosted, ignored, or rejected you (be it directly or indirectly), end the conversation and start with (or continue) with no contact.

What The No Contact Rule is not

Lots of people confuse the no contact rule with a form of punishment, game play, technique/gimmick, or miracle cure. Truth is, the no contact rule is none of those things.

And if you make yourself believe it is, you’ll have a difficult time integrating it into your life since you’ll feel like a shitty person as you do it. Hence, you’ll only prolong your suffering, which won’t make you as attractive as you could be. So let’s get this straight once and for all.

The No contact Rule is not punishment

You’re not punishing your ex by doing it, even if it sometimes feels like it. The only time no contact becomes punishment is when you do out it with the aim of hurting or manipulating them, so they come back — none of which you should do.

The No contact Rule is not game-playing

Silent treatments, power-plays, reverse psychology attempts, etc. — no contact is none of that. Besides, those things don’t really work, they’re merely placebos for helping you avoid your emotional problems. And on top of that, they often do more harm than good to your relationships.

The No contact Rule is not a technique or gimmick

No contact is a positive, empowering, and self-affirming lifestyle you embody that’s rooted in self-respect, self-love, and vulnerability. Whenever you’re trying to think of no contact as a technique, you’re reaping only a fraction of the benefits it carries.

The No contact Rule is not a miracle cure

Many gurus are hyping up the idea of how no contact will solve all your problems. “Just go no contact, and your ex will come crawling back,” they preach. This isn’t reality. Going no contact is a good start, but it’s the self-improvement work you do during it that truly moves the needle.

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How Long Should No Contact Last

Some experts recommend you make the length of no contact 7 days, some suggest 21, some 30, some 60, and others insist on making it 90 days. And after the X-day mark is over, all of them encourage you to reach out to your ex.

Well, I call bullshit on all those theories. I don’t believe in time-limited no contact at all.

First, doing time-limited no contact incentivizes you to act desperate and needy. You’re not focusing on recovering and growing anymore (the whole point of the no contact rule).

Instead, you’re focusing on waiting for the timer to go off — you’re waiting for those X days to pass you can finally reach out to your ex. Newsflash: your desperation will bleed through the interaction, and your ex be repulsed by it.

Second, most people who want their ex back were dumped because of their neediness, which always takes the form of excessive chasing from what I’ve seen.

Now, why would your ex consider getting back together with you if you keep chasing after them even after you’ve broken up? You’re essentially doing the same thing that led to your breakup. They left you because they wanted less of you. So how is giving them more of you going to turn things around?

Spoiler: It won’t.

Third, it’s just annoying to know that if I leave and reject you, you’ll reach out in the next X days and try to get me back: a) it’s predictable (and predictability isn’t attractive), b) it implies you see me on a pedestal (and that you see yourself as less worthy than me), c) it communicates you don’t have self-respect (otherwise, why would you be chasing after me, trying to prove yourself), and d) it tells me you have nothing else going on in your life (and that’s just sad).

Again, these things are a massive turn-off. So here’s a better alternative to time-limited no contact: indefinite no contact.

Indefinite no contact is the equivalent of walking away and never looking back. Meaning once your relationship is over, you devote yourself to personal growth and recovery, and let your ex go. It sounds counterintuitive, but letting your ex go is truly the most effective way to get them back. For the best way to get anyone’s attention is to remove yours.

When To Not Use The No Contact Rule

Sometimes classic no contact is impossible to execute. Maybe you have kids with your ex, maybe you live together, or work at the same office. In those cases, you’ll have to resort to something called modified no contact.

The difference between classic and modified is that, in modified, you’re ‘allowed’ to contact your ex. However, that contact needs to be straight to the point, formal or almost businesslike, and only focused on the pressing topic(s).

If you need to discuss who will look after your kid for the weekend, discuss it. If there’s a living arrangement that needs to be settled, settle it. Preferably, move out or move your ex out. And if something comes up at work and you need to go over it together, do so.

In general, whenever conversing with your ex, don’t linger. Be brief and end the conversation as soon as you make a mutually favorable arrangement or decision.

If your ex attempts to talk about the relationship, or just about anything personal, end the conversation quickly. Be respectful and polite, yet firm, assertive, and perhaps most importantly, vulnerable. I would say something like this:

I get where you’re coming from, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. Still have a lot of healing to do. Please respect that. Now, let’s get back to talking about our kids/living arrangements/work.

The reason for this attitude is to limit your interactions with them, especially those entrenched in emotion. The fewer interactions you have, be that digital or in real life, the faster you’ll be able to heal, the less needy you’ll become, and the more attractive you’ll come off as.

Sadly, modified no contact rule is tainted with two glaring drawbacks. It commands higher levels of emotional self-control to pull off than the classic counterpart and it’s not nearly as effective for breakup recovery since you’re always predisposed to re-opening your breakup wounds due to regular proximity to your ex.

But then again, don’t let that deter you from applying it. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice. Make the best with what you have.

No contact rule psychology

According to numerous studies, love makes your body release oxytocin, endorphin, serotonin, and dopamine into your brain. Experts usually refer to these chemicals as The Love Chemicals.

It’s because of these chemicals that you feel like everything is honeycombs and rainbows when you’ve met someone new. But it’s also because of of them that you feel crippling pain and distress when you go no contact. (1)

In fact, when you go no contact and The Love Chemicals are cut off from your brain, you usually go into panic mode. Now, during those panicky moments, what you’re dealing with is a literal addiction — an ex-addiction. Here are just some of the behavioral, psychological, and physiological effects of it: (2) (3) (4)

Whether or not you’re struggling with any consequence of ex-addiction listed above, the psychological foe is always difficult to apprehend and overcome. But that difficulty does oscillate between high and low depending on which side of the breakup you ended up on.

The psychology of no contact on the Dumpee

Dumpees get wrecked in this case. The psychology behind the no contact rule for them eerily resembles the psychology of drug addiction.

For starters, they, on average, feel more overwhelmed, worried, and anxious when their ex cuts communication with them compared to dumpers, primarily because they’re rarely prepared for the breakup. Most don’t even see it coming.

They are also the ones who typically (consciously or unconsciously) want to continue talking to their ex, dating them, or at least keeping a friendship. Unfortunately, their wishes are rarely met. At worst, their craving for closeness gets their ex to take advantage of them.

The psychology of no contact on the Dumper

Dumpers have it easier during no contact than dumpees — they move through the breakup stages much faster, for starters. Still, there are also many similarities when comparing the experiences of the two.

Dumpers may also want their ex back. They may also be looking for signs that they still have a chance. They may even be okay with forming a “friends with benefits” type relationship or using casual friendship as a backdoor to a new, committed relationship.

The only tangible difference in how dumpers feel during no contact is that they’re usually not as overwhelmed with emotions as are dumpees. But don’t get me wrong, they still suffer regardless.

Do men and women respond differently to no contact

There’s a lot of hoopla around the differences in how no contact influences female and male psychology. However, truth is, there’s are no big differences. It’s all a marketing ploy—a form of differentiating from the competition. Let me explain.

There’s a general consensus in the online business space: the more specific your brand, the better it is in terms of relatability, traffic, and profit. In other words, the more you hone in and master a particular territory of a larger subject, the more people will be interested in your perspective and give you credit for having something unique to say.

Now, this is all fine and well. It’s good advice. But sometimes, people go too narrow. Meaning, instead of creating a business, let’s say, around helping people get their ex back, they create one around helping only women get their ex back.

Sure, this decision grants a way better chance of attracting the right audience, building a unique brand message, and potentially can even lead to larger profits than if you’d opt for a broader pie of the market (i.e., breakup advice in general…).

However, here’s the drawback when entrepreneurs niche down too much: they create artificial complexity around a subject. Meaning, they make a topic more complex than it needs to be in order to appeal to their (potential) customers’ biases and frustrations and help them make more money.

So these unnecessary complications of simple problems are where the “female/male psychology during no contact” question stems from. Like I’ve said, it’s a marketing gimmick. There are no noteworthy differences in how men and women respond to no contact.

Sure, women are more emotional on average, and the no contact period is somewhat more turbulent and chaotic for them, especially in the beginning. And men are more closed off on average, which makes them suffer far more than women following a breakup. But that’s really where the differences end.

In fact, from a broader perspective, the similarities men and women share far outweigh their differences. Or as I wrote in a previous article, sexual polarity is overrated.

Why is the no contact rule so effective At Getting Your Ex Back

When your ex broke up with you, they are telling you the two things: a) my attraction for you dropped, and b) I no longer want you in my life, at least not in the same capacity as you want me. These things are usually the result of you chasing, pleading, and showing a lack of self-respect. So the dynamic in this case is: your ex has all the power; you have none.

The no contact rule helps rebalance this. It prevents you from chasing, pursuing, and pleading further — a.k.a., making more unattractive, self-disrespecting mistakes. And it sparks your ex’s curiosity, and gives them the freedom to re-chose you at their own pace, all of which makes them more likely to miss you and reach out.

Studies show that 40-60% of exes keep in touch after their breakup, and in 90% of the cases, their contact is initiated within the first few months following it. Still, don’t confuse this seemingly positive statistic with the odds of getting back with an ex. Those are still low as fuck. (7) (8) (9)

Now, if your ex contacts you at some point during no contact, the relational dynamic will consequently shift. At that point, how to move forward is your call.

Just keep in mind that while no contact contributes to getting your ex interested and back in your arms again, it doesn’t help you keep them, especially in cases where a) your relationship is toxic or b) you’re incompatible. That’s what self-improvement is for. And that’s why you should always couple no contact with self-improvement for best results.

Why is the no contact rule so effective At Making You Feel Better

While there are many reasons, below are four that I find most prevalent and important.

No contact lessens intrusive thoughts

But there’s a catch: no contact increases the number of intrusive thoughts of your ex in the short term and only decreases them in the long term. So while going no contact may hurt now, it saves you lots of unnecessary suffering in the future. Still, of course, it’s worth it.

No Contact decreases Negative Feelings and attachment

Psychological studies show that when you cut contact with your ex, the frequency and intensity of negative thoughts about your breakup and sadness and emotional attachment you harbor toward your ex decrease linearly over time. (5) (6)

No Contact Makes It Easier To “Find Yourself”

Going no contact makes it far easier to rebuild a shattered identity after a breakup. For instance, it makes it easier for you to reflect on what’s essential in your life. And it enables you to make better and primarily clearer decisions about the new personal values, beliefs, and sources of meaning you wish to try on, own, or displace.

No Contact Helps You See The Bigger Picture

First, it enables you to see your loss in a more down-to-earth way and not as some life-ending event. Second, it enables you to see that you don’t need your ex to be happy. You didn’t need them before they entered your life, so you don’t need them now. Third, it makes it easier to improve your self-awareness (which also helps with raising self-esteem and reducing stress).

How Long Will It Take For No Contact To Start Working

Below is a rough timeline of what you may feel during no contact and when it’ll start working, so you’ll know what to expect every step of the way. And while not everyone goes through this exact timeline, it’s one I keep seeing with my readers repeatedly.

After 1-3 weeks of no contact

Your emotions are going haywire. You simultaneously feel shock, shame, fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, and devastation.

You also lash out at others, contemplate revenge, feel as though you’re unworthy, find it impossible to move on, constantly miss and obsess over your ex, and struggle with several intense urges to break no contact.

After one month of no contact

This is where things get easier. Sure, you still blame, criticize, and belittle yourself, and feel like shit. You’re also still coming up with futile ideas about breaking no contact.

But at least a) you’re getting better at dealing with your urges and emotions, b) your urges and emotions subside and get easier to deal with, or c) a little bit of both.

After two months of no contact

You’re hardly getting any urges to break no contact, are not checking your phone for your ex’s text every damn second, and are open to finding a new partner or date. It is, however, still normal to want your ex back at this point, especially if you’ve had a long and serious relationship with them.

Generally speaking, the first 30 to 60 days of no contact will be a wild ride. But once you make it through, things get exponentially easier.

After three months of no contact

Your confidence and mojo come back if they haven’t already, and most of your urges to break no contact abate. This is usually also the period of rediscovery — one where your focus shifts from your ex to you (even though it’s still normal to want your ex back at this point).

After 4-12 months of no contact

This is a period of acceptance. During it, your chances of recovery are high as fuck. But don’t get me wrong: recovery doesn’t necessarily mean getting over an ex or losing the desire to get back with them. It simply means being okay and feeling like yourself despite being broken up.

Warning

Your mind will try to screw you over when you start no contact. Not only will it imbue you with urges to break no contact and play tricks on you, but it will also try to entice you with thoughts like “Just one text won’t do cause harm,” “Maybe I should just check up on their Instagram posts,” “What if they move on to someone else,” or, “I still have my ex’s old shirt, maybe I can contact them about it, and see where I stand.” As soon as you respond to thoughts like this, everything will start going downhill.

5 signs the no contact rule is working

There are plenty of signs that indicate that the no contact rule is working as it should. Below, I’ll go over five of the largest ones.

Sign no contact is working #1: Your ex reaches out. Whether their contact is in the form of an obnoxious, “I miss you and can’t live without you,” or the subtle, “This thing reminded me of you,” it’s a good indicator that they’re interested again.

Sign no contact is working #2: Your ex becomes more responsive after no contact. This is easy to spot. It’s when they don’t need much time to respond to your texts or calls, when they don’t think twice about meeting up with you or when they unblock you from social media.

Sign no contact is working #3: Your ex responds quickly and enthusiastically. Most of the time, if you’re getting a series of quick and enthusiastic responses from your ex, it means no contact is working. But this sign is tricky to interpret since, “a series of quick and enthusiastic responses” is different for everyone. Be cautions.

Sign no contact is working #4: Your ex is asking around about you. Whether they ask your exclusive friends, family, or shared friends, it’s all a decent sign that no contact is working.

Sign no contact is working #5: Encountering your ex doesn’t make you feel anxious. Instead, you’re swamped by relaxation and the feeling where you have nothing left to prove to them, no validation you’d want from them, or any expectations around the encounter.

How To stay “in No contact” Once You Started

Whenever you get the urge to contact your ex in any way (text, call, real-life), take out a journal and write how you felt just before the contact, how you felt during the contact, and how you felt after the contact. Leave no stone unturned. Write down everything about the experience.

Here are some additional questions to reflect upon that will help you out when journaling. Be sure to formulate some of your own as well.

Once you’ve written down all of your thoughts and feelings, don’t forget to repeat the process. Make this exercise a habit or an instant response whenever you feel like reaching out to your ex. The more times you do it, the more disciplined you’ll become.

The way to make this technique even more effective in keeping you “in no contact,” is by tacking additional activities on top of your journaling efforts. These can be anything you like. Here’s how I would go about it.

…When I get the urge to break no contact, I would:

  1. Write my thoughts down in your journal (Part one of this whole technique)
  2. Take a few deep breaths.
  3. Turn off my phone/computer.
  4. Go for a walk in nature.
  5. Meditate.
  6. Contact a family member, friend, or anyone I feel is open and willing to talk and listen to me.
  7. Play with lego’s/solve a puzzle/buy groceries/go to the movies, etc.

Remember: the formula of this activity is: “After I think of contacting my ex, I will [desired activity].”

You may need to experiment with different sets of activities to find the combination that works best for you. Don’t rush. Take your time, and be patient with yourself. It’s worth it.

What To Avoid During No Contact

Whether you just started no contact or you’re months in, there are certain things you should never do. Not only will these things prevent you from recovering and growing as a person, but they’ll also sabotage your re-attraction attempts. Here they are.

Repression/suppression

Suppressing and repressing your emotions means pushing them down instead of feeling them wholly. The only difference between the two is that when we repress our emotions, we push them down unconsciously, and when we suppress them, we push them down consciously.

In both cases, the more you do it, the worse you’ll feel, and the more mood swings, temper tantrums, and general irritability you’ll experience while trying to maintain no contact.

Escapism

Escapism is when you avoid facing and overcoming painful feelings by indulging in various trivial pursuits or distractions. These can be binge playing video games or watching movies, exercising, drinking, shopping, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about occasional distractions, but it is bad when they become frequent.

For example, playing video games for a few hours every evening to get your mind off no contact is healthy. But having a two-week-24/7 video game binge to keep you preoccupied isn’t.

Over-expression

Over-expression is another word for lousy emotional management. And God, does lousy emotional management pop up during the first few months of no contact. It happens to almost everyone. The act essentially refers to venting all negativity to the point where it gets smothering and destructive for the person or people you’re interacting with.

For instance, when one of my ex-girlfriends dumped me, the next thing I did the other day was meet up with an old friend to vent my worries. Little did he know that my venting would turn into a two-hour-long fiery rant about how my ex is the incarnation of Satan.

This was toxic vulnerability on my part. It’s oversharing. It’s overexertion. It’s unnecessary. After we drank our coffee, we regretted the decision to meet up. My friend was frustrated, and I was ashamed. The lesson? Don’t be toxic. Whine and vent if you have to, just not for two hours straight.

Validation Seeking

Seeking validation is essentially seeking confirmation of something. In your case, this is usually the answer to whether or not your ex still feels something for you.

Now, seeking validation is counterintuitive to doing no contact. How are you supposed to cut contact, take care of yourself, grieve your relationship, start healing, and ultimately get your ex back if you’re still nagging them and looking to get something from them? It’s a recipe for disaster.

And here’s the worst part: even if you do get some validation, you’re likely to find that it falls short of what you expected it would feel like when you got it. This is because the validation you actually need now that you’ve gone no contact is the validation you get from you and you alone.

High Expectations

Expect nothing. Act as if your ex is out of the picture until proven otherwise (until they reach out). Likewise, don’t delude yourself into thinking no contact will be easy. It will hurt, sometimes pushing you to the brink of madness. Expect it. Mentally prepare for it by visualizing the worst-case scenarios and what you’d do if one happen.

Obsession

A lot of people, obsess about their ex during no contact. It’s safe to say that that’s probably the worst thing you can do. It only amplifies frustration, stress, worry, and fear with act as catalysts for neediness and self-sabotaging tendencies.

If you find yourself obsessing over your ex (hint: you’ve read at least five other articles about getting an ex back), remind yourself that it’s bad for your sanity. Remind yourself to stay in no contact. Distract yourself with something else that can hold your interest and engage you — but not to the point where it becomes escapism, of course.

Handling Social Media Immaturely

For one, don’t delete social media pictures of you and your ex. This will only leave a bad taste in their mouth and make them see you in a more negative light. And you don’t want that. Instead, couple no contact with a social media detox.

A few other reasons you’d go on a social media detox are so you don’t a) stalk your ex, b) start posting cringey depressing and sad quotes, or c) try to make your ex jealous by posting pictures of attractive people of the opposite sex on your timelines. None of these things end well.

Badmouthing Your Ex

Put plainly: don’t talk shit about your ex to your friends — especially not to mutual ones. I know you’re emotional right now, but you’ve got to prevent yourself from slipping.

Regardless of how often friends promise they won’t tell your ex what you’ve said, there’s always one or two bad actors who will. And if or when they do, you can kiss your chances of getting them back goodbye.

Avoiding Self-Improvement

If you want to use no contact to its full extent, you’ve got to throw self-improvement on top of it. You can’t just wait and mope until your ex reaches out. Now, there are many ways to go about self-improvement. And while I did write lots of articles about it already, here are a few pointers.

Do meditation and journaling. Overcome your anxiety. Raise your self-esteem and self-worth. Develop the courage to be vulnerable. Get good at setting boundaries. Take responsibility for your breakup. Get validation from yourself, not your ex. Respect and love yourself — because no one else will do it for you.

What to do if you break (or keep breaking) no contact

If you ever break no contact, don’t fuss about it. Simply start again. Sure it sucks that you’ve lost your streak and that you’re starting a new one now, but whatever you did before breaking no contact is not a waste.

We all get caught in the bullshit of doing something perfectly. Yet, that’s just not how reality unfolds 99% of the time. You will make mistakes, some bigger, some smaller. Accept this. And rather than getting worked up about them, consider learning from them.

Try to discern the things that contributed to you breaking no contact, and maybe limit them in the future.

For example, if what got you to break no contact is a cheesy post about love on Facebook, delete the app from your phone. Or if it was that one friend who just happened to open up the topic of your breakup, tell them not to bring it up until you feel better about it.

Along the process of identifying what made you break no contact, be brutally honest with yourself about what exactly happened and why.

What To Do When Your Ex Reaches Out During No Contact

Some people spend way too much time obsessing about their ex reaching out during no contact and how to respond if they do. And many breakup advice overcomplicates this essentially simple issue. Here’s how I approach it.

How to respond to your ex if you want to get them back

If your ex reached out at some point, they probably still have feelings for you. Yes, even if their text or phone call was unrelated to your breakup or getting back together. The fact that they reached out is a huge indicator of attraction.

At this point, all you must do is engage in a 2-3 message long conversation (or a 5min call). Be human. Then, as soon as reasonable, invite them on a date. Say something like, “It’s nice hearing from you. Tell you what, I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together.” Then accept whatever answer they give you — including silence.

(If you want to go deeper into getting your ex on date, read this article).

How to respond to your ex if you decided you want to move on

If you decide you don’t want your ex back anymore after being in no contact, yet they reach out, I would say something like, “Hey, I’m still healing from our breakup. It would mean a lot if you wouldn’t contact me at this time.”

That being said, don’t feel like you have to shy away from other options. You can tell your ex to fuck off (not recommended). You can block them. You can ghost them. Or you can engage in a short 2-3 message long conversation (or a 5min call) and then say you have to go. It’s your call. Then continue with no contact.

(Optional) Top Questions About The no contact rule

1. Does no contact work after acting desperate or needy?

I get it, you really want the certainty that what you’re doing is the right move, but here’s the deal: you’ll never get that certainty. You’ll never know if no contact is the right move after being needy or desperate. All you can do — and all you should do — is learn how to handle that uncertainty well.

2. Should I use no contact after being cheated on?

If you’re broken up, yes. Use it the same way you’d use it if your ex simply dumped you. But I admit that trying to get a cheater back is the equivalent of munching on a cow turd. I suggest you rethink it.

3. No Contact for a fearful avoidant ex — Should I handle it differently?

No. A fearful avoidant is just a person who gets afraid or anxious about a lack of space and an abundance of intimacy and vulnerability in their relationship faster than most people. The way you do no contact never changes based on your ex’s attachment style.

4. Won’t my ex forget about me if I Don’t Reach Out?

No. Contrary to common belief, the no contact rule doesn’t make your ex miss you less (or forget about you), but more. Hence the saying, “attraction grows in space.” The longer you stay in no contact, the greater the chances of your ex reaching out become.

5. How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?

The average period lasts somewhere between 2 to 3 months, that is, until they miss you so much that they reach out. But there are exceptions. Your ex could start missing you years after going no contact. Or they could start missing you only weeks after.

6. My Ex Unblocked Me During No Contact But Hasn’t Reached Out. What Do I do?

Do nothing. Let them make the effort to contact you directly. And in the meantime, change your mind about getting your ex back. Instead of thinking: “How can I get them back. How can I impress them? Do they still like me?” Think: “How will they go about getting me back? How will they impress me? Will I even be impressed in the first place?”

7. Should i block my ex during no contact?

Only if you decide to move on for good. Otherwise, no. Don’t block them. Especially, if you must interact with them (i.e., you live together/work together/have kids/etc.).

8. What if my ex is angry because we don’t Talk?

Anger means that they’re still emotionally invested in you — a.k.a., not over you. So if you want them back, that’s good news. But be cautious: you’re not going to get far with someone who’s upset. It’s best if you wait until your ex calls down before trying to connect with them.

9. Is no contact for a short term relationship the same as for a long-term one?

Funny question. Sounds like you’re just looking for an excuse to break no contact and reach out to your ex. Look. No contact is the same for all relationships, whatever their length.

10. What if my ex is doing no contact too?

It’s a valid fear. I’ll give you that. But you need to accept that it’s not rational, logical, or based on an any intellectual basis. It just doesn’t make sense for your ex to be doing no contact. Chances are, your ex simply isn’t talking to you out of respect or because they genuinely don’t want you back at the moment. And that’s far different than no contact.

11. Does no contact also help my ex heal?

Yes. But in the same way, it’s also causing them separation anxiety and is making their fading affect bias do its thing. This simply means that given sufficient time and space away from you, your ex’s negative emotions around your breakup fade, while the stronger, happier emotions remain, making them more likely to reach out — way more likely than if you’d be chasing after them.

12. What Is The Success Rate Of The No Contact Rule

According to a survey I sent a few months ago to my email subscribers (over 1500 of them), the success rate of the no contact rule hovers around 80-90% in terms of an ex reaching out (not to be mistaken for two people actually getting back together).

Do No Contact For The Right Reasons

If there’s one key piece of advice that you should take away from this article, it’s this: don’t commit to no contact to win your ex back. Commit to no contact to win yourself back.

That’s what the no contact rule is really for. That’s what it was always for. Raising your ex’s attraction and getting them back due to it is just one of its sexy side effects.

So close your eyes, take a deep breath and cut ties with your ex. Jump out the old, into the new. Don’t think. Don’t linger. Just do it. Let yourself get engulfed in the celestial firestorm of uncertainty, wonder, and change.

This is a new beginning. Make it count. Whether you get your ex back or not, you’ll be a better person when you reach the other side of recovery.

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. With over 8h of video, 300 pages of writing, and personalized 1-on-1 coaching, I'll walk you through every step of the re-attraction process from start to finish.

Learn How To Permanently Reunite With Your Ex Without Tricks And Games Or Looking Desperate

Get a free cheat sheet with quick information about every step of getting an ex back: how to reach out, become irresistibly attractive, handle no contact and dating, transition into and maintain a healthy relationship, and more.

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Learn How To Permanently Reunite With Your Ex Without Tricks And Games Or Looking Desperate

Get a free cheat sheet with quick information about every step of getting an ex back: how to reach out, become irresistibly attractive, handle no contact and dating, transition into and maintain a healthy relationship, and more.


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