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I get it. You’re curious about the signs your ex will never come back so you can better determine if your relationship is salvageable. No one wants to waste time rekindling things that are fated to stay frozen forever, after all.
I applaud your efforts, but here’s something you need to hear: the more you care about these signs — as well as your ex’s return in general — the likelier it is that you’ll damage both the chances of rekindling your relationship as well as your mental health.
On the one hand, obsessive care could lead you to panic. And panic could lead to making dumb mistakes that only scare your ex away, perhaps into someone else’s arms. On the other hand, it could lead to degraded happiness, health, productivity, and even self-esteem.
That said, don’t take this the wrong way.
It’s caring too much about the signs your ex won’t come back that’s the problem — not the simple awareness of these signs. So before I tackle how to not care about them to an unhealthy degree, here’s how they look.
Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back
These signs can appear in various forms, some subtle and others more obvious. Below are a few that I found most common and revealing. Be mindful of them. While not necessarily guarantees for failure, the more of these signs your ex displays, the likelier it is that they won’t come back.
1. Your Ex Told You To Move On
Sometimes they’ll tell you this directly, without much consideration for your feelings. Other times, they’ll want to be polite about it, so they’ll use softer statements like “You deserve someone better,” “I’m just not good enough for you, so you should let me go,” or “Maybe it’s time to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.”
2. Your Ex Doesn’t Communicate With You
Perhaps they cut contact and completely ignore you. Same story when your ex blocks you. These are all signs they probably won’t come back. And while occasionally these reactions are merely a result of an avoidant attachment style, usually they mean that your ex just doesn’t like you anymore.
3. Your Ex Keeps Refusing To See You
Often accompanied by clear communication of disinterest and emotional unavailability, these refer to consistent rejections from your ex when you’ve made sincere efforts to get them on a date. Sometimes the rejections are upfront, like when they tell you that they don’t want to go out with you. Other times they’re subtle, like when they give an excuse like how they’ll call you back next week and you can arrange something then — but they never do.
4. Your Ex Removed Every Trace Of You From Social Media
If your ex unfollowed you from everywhere, deleted all public pictures with you in them, and completely revamped their social media profiles to where there’s not a crumb of your dead relationship revealed, it’s safe to say they don’t want you back anymore.
5. Your Ex Shows Negative Social Cues And Body Language
For instance, they face away from you, keep their arms crossed, make their responses short and cold, are stand-offish and defensive, and rarely smile, make eye contact, laugh, or touch you.
6. Your Ex Speaks Badly About You
Whether we’re talking about gossip, the spread of false rumors, insults, character attacks, scapegoating, defamation, public shaming, sharing private information, stereotyping, or doxing — these are not only signs your ex won’t come back, they’re also clear indicators you shouldn’t take them back. Have enough self-respect to cut assholes from your life, even when you still love them.
7. Your Ex Doesn’t Care If You’re Seeing Someone Else
Meaning they show no signs of jealousy, frustration, or concern upon learning that you’re dating someone else. The more indifferent your ex seems, the likelier it is that they won’t return. Pretty self-explanatory.
8. Your Ex Completely Changes Their Life Trajectory
Meaning they drop any major plans you perhaps made and cobble together new ones, none of which include you. These could be related to relocating, pursuing new career opportunities, or even getting ready mentally and emotionally for new relationships.
9. Your Mutual Friends Tell You To Let Your Ex Go
Mutual friends usually have a much better idea of where you stand with your ex than you. After all, they’re not blinded by love nor neediness. So if they advise you to move on, you can rest assured your ex is done and you should follow their advice.
10. Your Ex Returns Your Stuff
Be that clothes, trinkets, photos, whatever. The theory goes that the fewer of your belongings your ex has, the less need there is to check up on you and ask about what to do with them in the future. And the lower the odds of a check up, the lower the odds of accidentally making an opening for you, which you could then leverage to try and mend things.
11. You Go Long-Distance
If your ex moved far away from you or vice versa — far being relative to the individual’s free time and financial means — re-attraction probably won’t work out. To rekindle things, you need to eventually meet your ex in-person and start dating them. This clearly can’t happen when you’re miles apart.
12. Your Ex Wants To Be “Just Friends”
Don’t fall for it. The only reason your ex proposes friendship post-breakup is because they want to let you down gently and avoid hurting you even more. More importantly, however, don’t accept it. For the best chance at reuniting, you’ve got to be clear that it’s romance or you’re simply not interested (see: The Complete Guide To Being Friends With An Ex).
13. Your Ex Is Dating Someone New
If this happened right after the breakup, it could mean that they’re in a rebound relationship and are only using the other person to avoid their pain. Thankfully, these relationships rarely last. However, if your ex found someone new, say, months after you parted, it’s likely a result of getting over you. If that’s the shit sandwich you’re stuck in, go find someone else yourself. Because you’re probably not gonna see your ex return.
14. Your Ex Is Actually Enjoying Themselves
Meaning, they made peace with the breakup, started dating and socializing more, and took a plunge into all these cool new experiences and novel adventures. Now while probably the least influential sign an ex won’t come back, it’s still one worth remembering.
15. Your Ex Is Married/Getting Married
Need I say more? Never involve yourself in these situations, even if your ex is willing to cheat.
16. You Have A Strong Gut Feeling
I know this sign has been regurgitated across virtually every other breakup advice blog, but fuck it — it’s important and most people overlook it. So here goes — if you can intuitively sense your ex doesn’t want you back, you’re probably right.
The Art Of Not Caring About Your Ex’s Return
Paradoxically, it’s only when you stop caring so much about your ex’s return that you actually raises the chances of getting them back. This largely happens because it’s through unconditional letting go and giving space that attraction proliferates, making your ex more likely to miss you and eventually reach out. From this point, you can invite them on a date and ignite the re-attraction process.
The other reason letting go and giving space is so useful is because it helps you avoid common ex-back mistakes like chasing and pursuing, begging and pleading, stalking and spying, breaking no contact, or showing up at your ex’s doorstep unannounced. Obviously, the less mistakes like these you make, the smoother re-attraction should go.
Okay, but how do you then actually start caring less about your ex’s return?
Find something more meaningful than your ex’s return and focus on it wholeheartedly. This something can be anything — your physical health, another relationship, your career, a cause you believe in, or some life purpose.
As I alluded to earlier, the true beauty of this approach isn’t that it aids re-attraction. The true beauty is that it aids your relationship skills and mental health as well. For it’s stealing focus away from your ex that opens up more mental capacity, which you can then channel into a more productive direction.
For example, reflecting on why your relationship didn’t work out, what lessons you can learn from it, or whether or not you’ll need to overcome any emotional issues to eventually find more success in love.
Suddenly, we come full circle. Due to your overall relationship skills and moods elevating, as well as effectively improving any major life areas, you become more attractive. Consequently, getting back with your ex becomes easier.
More Resources For Determining If Your Ex Really Won’t Come Back
- The Re-Attraction Cheat Sheet: a guide with quick information about every step of getting an ex back, including how to know when they’re done with you for good.
- 30 Glaring Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back: an article explaining how often exes come back, what are some reliable indicators of attraction/interest, and how to deal with the whole thing so you can get back with them faster.
- Top 16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You: an in-depth guide on whether or not your ex secretly wants you back and how to respond.
- Look At What Your Ex Does (Not What They Say Or Mean): a superior way of gauging your ex’s attraction and determining if you still have a chance with them.
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