When to get into a new relationship after your breakup?
Some people suggest waiting a few months so you’re not an emotional wreck anymore. Other people suggest waiting only a few days and argue that the sooner you find someone new, the sooner you’ll forget about your ex. But these are not the only options.
You could also follow the popular rule of thumb: wait for half the length of your previous relationship before getting into a new one. Or you could simply wait until the prospect of getting into a new relationship genuinely starts feeling exciting and fun. In other words, you could follow your intuition.
Regardless of what “ruleset” you follow, there’s always a chance you get into a rebound relationship after your breakup.
What Is A Rebound Relationship
The label refers to a newly formed relationship that someone got into only because they wanted to escape or distract themselves from the pain of the dissolution of their last relationship. It’s also common for people to get into rebounds only to make their ex jealous so they’ll like them again or get their revenge.
Generally speaking, rebound relationships tend to have a lot of bad mojo surrounding them.
Experts usually describe them as shallow, short-lasting (four months to one year, on average), formed on the backbone of one’s loneliness and anxiety, built without much consideration or rationality concerning the new partner’s compatibility, and littered with complicated and unhealthy dynamics.
They also note that a rebound always fails for the same reason (or reasons) a person’s previous relationship failed. This is because an average person never contemplates why their relationship failed. Hence, they never identify or learn from their mistakes but keep blindly repeating them, often bouncing from one sad and shitty rebound to the next.
That said, rebounds don’t suck all of the time. Yes, there is a lot of negative stigma surrounding them — and with good reason — but there is a gaping unexplored side to the subject: how getting into a rebound relationship can actually be a good thing.
How A Rebound Relationship Can Help You
Jimny was always a needy boyfriend — a control freak riddled with jealousy issues. He always wanted to know where his partner was, what she’s been doing, and with whom she’s been hanging out. Because of these insecurities, Jimny couldn’t trust people, especially those he’s romantically involved with.
After months of enduring Jimny’s bullshit, his girlfriend reached a boiling point and dumped him. Jimny was devastated by this. It felt as though he had lost a part of himself.
Eventually Jimny figured he needed to attach to someone new as quickly as possible to soothe his throbbing heartache. So he forced himself onto the dating field and found a new girlfriend. Her name was Anna.
The first few weeks of being together were nothing but fun and fellatio. But around week six, Jimny’s insecurity began to rear its ugly head again.
He couldn’t help himself. During week seven, he randomly called Anna in the middle of the night only to check up on her — to figure out if she was cheating on him. Their conversation even got to the point where Jimny began to ask things like, “Do you still love me?” and “Oh, you’re with your friend, I don’t like that…”
Yet, whatever embarrassing and needy question or comment Jimny’s expressed to Anna, she elegantly laughed it off, like it didn’t mean anything. She even reassured Jimny that she still loves him and that it’s okay for him to feel what he feels.
Why did Anna respond to Jimny in such a patent and empathic way? Because she knew what it was like. You see, she had her own share of jealousy issues in the past. Thus, there was a lot to relate over with Jimny.
Luckily she has grown past these issues. In terms of attachment theory, she went from being anxiously attached to securely attached. And because of Anna’s secure nature, Jimny couldn’t resist being influenced by her. The more times Anna reassured him that she was okay, not cheating, and still loved him, the less jealous, controlling, and desperate he became.
What this couple created here is truly remarkable. They converted what started as a toxic rebound relationship into a healthy rebound relationship or simply a relationship. Some of you are probably surprised that this kind of transformation is even possible but rest assured, it’s actually pretty common.
Studies proved that, in many cases, when a person with an insecure attachment style (anxious or avoidant) forms a relationship with someone with a secure attachment style, their insecure style morphs into a more secure variant. It’s this transformation that makes it possible for an unhealthy rebound to become healthy. (1)
A Rebound Relationship Is Probably Worth It
Relationships not wrought with problems entail many benefits. For starters, there’s companionship. Humans are hardwired for connection. So finding someone you can cultivate a strong connection with improves your emotional and mental health. (2)
Then there’s passion and infatuation that come along with newly formed relationships that make us feel more desirable and confident. (3)
So if a new relationship brings so many benefits to the table, then getting into a rebound probably isn’t such a bad thing. After all, the upsides of getting into one far outweigh the downsides (another breakup), both in the short-term and the long.
Therefore, I encourage you to consider taking the risk and getting into a relationship even if you think it may turn out to be a rebound. That is, if getting into a relationship is your ultimate goal, of course.
If you do decide to march down this path, remember two things: a) you’re not misguided, emotionally unstable, or depraved for getting into a rebound, and b) whether that rebound turns out healthy or toxic or whether it stands the test of time or dies shortly after being cultivated, it’s worth it.
Because even if your rebound doesn’t work out, it will still help you get over your ex faster and teach you a lot about yourself, how you approach relationships, how you fuck them up, and where you should direct your self-improvement efforts to avoid fucking up the next one.
If you need more more help healing from your breakup, check out my Radical Recovery Course. With over 5h of video, 200 pages of writing, and personalized 1-on-1 coaching, I'll walk you through every step of the recovery process from start to finish.
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