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When to get into a new relationship after your breakup?
Some people suggest waiting a few months, so you’re not an emotional wreck anymore. Other people suggest waiting only a few days. They argue that the sooner you find someone new, the sooner you’ll forget about your ex.
But these are not the only options.
You could also follow the popular rule of thumb: wait for half the length of your previous relationship before getting into a new one. Or you could simply wait until the option of getting into a new relationship starts feeling exciting and fun.
Regardless of what ruleset you follow, there’s always a chance you stumble your way into what’s called a rebound relationship — and that’s exactly what many people are afraid of the most.
What Is A Rebound Relationship
A rebound relationship is one that a person gets into for all the wrong reasons. To numb themselves of their breakup pain. To make their ex jealous and get back at them. To secure an ego boost and feel like they still matter. To feel connected to a person again without really caring about them.
Generally, rebound relationships tend to have a lot of bad mojo surrounding them. Experts usually describe them as shallow. They last only four months on average. They’re often formed on the backbone of one’s loneliness and anxiety and hardened without much consideration concerning the new partner’s compatibility. They’re also typically littered with drama and dysfunctional dynamics.
It’s also no secret that most rebounds fail for the same reason (or reasons) a person’s previous relationship failed. This is because an average person never contemplates why their relationship failed. Hence, they never identify or learn from their mistakes but keep blindly repeating them, often bouncing from one shitty rebound to the next.
That being said, my argument is that despite all of that, rebounds don’t suck all of the time. Yes, there is a lot of negative stigma surrounding them, and for good reason. But there is also this gaping unexplored side to the subject. That is, how getting into a rebound relationship can actually be a good thing.
How A Rebound Relationship Can Help
After months of enduring Jimny’s bullshit, his girlfriend reached a boiling point and dumped him. Jimny was devastated by this. It felt as though he had lost a part of himself.
Eventually, though, he concluded that he needed to attach to someone new as quickly as possible to soothe his throbbing heartache. So he forced himself into the dating field and found a new girlfriend. Her name was Anna.
The first few weeks of being together were nothing but fun and fellatio. But around week six, Jimny’s insecurity reappeared. He couldn’t help himself.
During week seven, he randomly called Anna in the middle of the night only to check up on her — to figure out if she was cheating on him. Their conversation even got to the point where Jimny began to ask things like, “Do you still love me?” and “Oh, you’re with your friend, I don’t like that…”
Yet, whatever embarrassing and needy question or comment Jimny expressed, Anna elegantly laughed it off, like it didn’t mean anything. She even reassured Jimny that she still loves him and that it’s okay for him to feel what he feels.
Why did Anna respond to Jimny in such a patient and empathic way? Because she knew what it was like. She had her own share of jealousy issues in the past. Thus, there was a lot that she could relate to with Jimny.
Luckily, she has grown past her issues. And because of Anna’s secure nature, Jimny couldn’t resist being influenced by her. The more times Anna reassured him that she was okay, not cheating, and still loved him, the less jealous, controlling, and desperate he became. Over several months of Anna’s support, Jimny began exhibiting fewer toxic tendencies and unattractive behaviors and eventually became secure himself.
What this couple created is truly remarkable. They essentially converted what started as a toxic rebound relationship into a healthy rebound relationship or simply “a relationship.” Some of you are probably surprised that such a transformation is even possible, but rest assured, it’s actually not that rare at all. (1)
Even better, since Jimny got into another relationship which, compared to the last, was actually fulfilling and healthy, he forgot all about his ex. The same can happen to you.
A Rebound Relationship Is Probably Worth It
Here’s another way to think about the whole thing: relationships not fraught with problems entail many benefits.
For one, there’s companionship. Humans are hardwired for connection. So finding someone you can cultivate a strong connection with drastically improves your baseline happiness.
Last, there’s the fact that couples are less receptive to anxiety and depression, tend to live longer, and possess a greater sense of well-being and physical health than single people. (2) (3) (4) (5)
So if a new relationship brings so many benefits, then getting into a rebound probably isn’t such a bad thing. So try it out. What’s the worst that could happen? You break up with your new partner.
Sure, it’ll hurt. But it will still help you grow as a person and teach you a lot about yourself, how you approach relationships, how you fuck them up, and where you should direct your self-improvement efforts to avoid fucking up the next one.
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