They Just Don’t Fucking Like You

Why did my ex take three days to respond to my text? Why didn’t they pick up their phone when I called them afterward? They were active on Facebook just a minute ago. I saw it! Why did they only want to meet up as a friend when I finally got a hold of them? Why were they being so hot and cold? What the fuck!? They flaked on me. Why? They didn’t even bother apologizing for being a no-show. Oh, come on! Now they don’t even respond to my texts anymore…

Are they playing games? Yeah, that could be it. They still like me but just don’t want to make it too easy to get them back. They’re probably afraid I won’t appreciate them as much otherwise.

Or are they testing me? It could also be the case, sure. Maybe they want to make getting them back insanely difficult to see whether I cave and become desperate or not. But what if they want me to suffer. Nah, they wouldn’t do that… right? Perhaps they just suffer from GIGS (grass is greener syndrome)?

Maybe I’m overthinking things. Maybe my ex is simply confused about what they feel towards me. Perhaps the breakup hurt them so much that they don’t even know what they feel, and so they keep bouncing between a myriad of different feelings, each more perplexing than the last.

Wait, scratch that. What if they’re confused because they’re juggling between me and their new rebound relationship. I mean, it could be a possibility. Or perhaps it’s their friends and family who confused them because they keep talking shit about me… But then again, I don’t know… God, I’m confused.

Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. What’s going on here exactly? Let’s think this through bit by bit…

***

This is a typical thought process that torments many people with a scorching desire to rekindle things with their ex. Either out of anxiety, nervousness, fear of loss, insecurity, or all four, they over-complicate and overanalyze their fundamentally simple situation.

They also assume that since getting their ex back feels difficult, it must be so because they lack the proper knowledge to pull it off and not because it’s merely emotionally difficult for them.

I get the appeal of this attitude. It allows you to feel like you’re accomplishing something and moving toward your ultimate goal: getting back together with your ex. But that forward motion is nothing but an illusion.

For even though you think you’re making progress and exuding effort through intellectualization, you’re actually making no real progress or exuding any worthwhile effort. You’re merely spinning your wheels.

In fact, your thinking, planning, and plotting are, either consciously or unconsciously, mainly a means to avoid facing rejection rather than a means to achieve your ultimate goal. Even worse, those things are distracting you from a simple truth: that your ex doesn’t like you.

Oh yeah, I went there.

They’re not playing games. They’re not testing you. They don’t want you to suffer. They don’t have GIGS. They’re not confused about you. Your ex simply doesn’t like you enough to make time for you. Likely because you’re in some way turning them off — or it could also be for no reason whatsoever.

And it’s solely because of them not liking you that they don’t respond to your texts and calls for days (or don’t respond at all); that they only want to meet up as a friend; that they’re being hot and cold; that they flake on you, and so forth. Any of your ex’s behaviors bearing even the slightest resemblance to rejection probably are rejection — and that’s as deep as they go.

So stop intellectualizing your situation and just do something about it. It’s simpler than you think. You only have two viable courses of action: moving on or polarizing. (Well, there’s also chasing after your ex, but we all know that never ends well).

In cases where your ex isn’t showing any signs of interest (i.e., initiating contact or physical touches, inserting themselves into your orbit, asking a lot of questions when you talk, etc), nor are they putting effort into getting you back, admit to yourself that they’re just not interested, suck up the rejection, and move on with your life.

And in cases where your ex is showing signs of interest and is putting actual effort into getting you back, polarize them by clearly communicating you still like them and inviting them on a date. Then wait for their response. (A rule of thumb: whenever in doubt if your ex still likes you, polarize them).

If they still like you, there’s a good chance they’ll echo your desires, and you’ll get an opportunity to mend things. But if they don’t, they’ll ignore, ghost, or reject you — be it indirectly (think: excuses) or blatantly (think: phrases like “Never talk to me again.”). If any of that happens, resort to moving on with your life. It’s that simple.

The longer you keep intellectualizing your situation like it’s a fucking diamond heist, the sooner you’ll drown your ability to act — and, on a more primal level, your ability to enjoy life and be happy — in the spewing mental garbage and thought vomit of your own making.

Stop thinking and act.