How To Get Over Your Ex And Move On (14 Proven Ways) - Max Jancar
56 Essential Breakup Survival Tips That Will Help You Feel Like Yourself Again

Whether you want to get your ex back or get over them, emotionally recovering from your breakup is always the first step. Get therapy-proven tips for taking it successfully.

How To Get Over Your Ex And Move On With Your Life

By Max Jancar | Updated: November 30, 2021 | 31 Minute Read

How To Get Over Your Ex

Breakups. Some people have them harder, some easier, but we all go through them at some point. And they always suck. After my most notable breakup, I started frantically rummaging the Internet for answers on how to get over my ex. Luckily, with a quick Google search, I got access to a boundless sea of answers. And, oh boy, was I fucking thrilled.

I’ve read every sweet article, listened to every succulent podcast, and watched every savory video I could find. I was like a starved dog thrown out to rot who just uncovered an open truck full of fresh doggy-delicacies.

However, after spending weeks glued to my computer screen, I’ve encountered a glaring problem with all the so-called “how to get over your ex” guides: they contained little to no tangible value.

These guides were either sales pitches for a product or shallow fluff pieces full of cliches and drivel like “work on yourself,” “get back out there,” or “socialize more.”

Don’t get me wrong, these bits of advice do help people get over an ex, but at the same time, they put forth a nonsensical and dumbed-down picture of what breakup recovery actually is.

I’m not going to bullshit you. Getting over your ex is much more complicated than just “going out there and focusing on yourself.” It will take time, grit, and effort — and it will suck. But that suck will be worth it because as you reach the other side of recovery, you’re going to become a more compassionate, resilient, and better person.

So, grab a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey, and let’s get through this fucker together.

1. Understand Why It’s So Hard To Get Over Your Ex

When you’re in a relationship for some time, the values, beliefs, and goals you and your partner share begin to intertwine. This process makes it possible for two to become one. Your partner infuses with a part of your identity, and you infuse with a part of theirs. As a result, the two of you form what’s called a shared identity. (1)

The shared identity carries many benefits. It deepens the love, respect, trust, and emotional connection between two people and it helps them live a longer, mentally healthier, and more meaningful, and fulfilling life.

Now, think about this: something that’s a part of you, something that provided your life with meaning and fulfillment, is suddenly stripped away.

Without a doubt, you’d fall into an existential crisis as a result. It would hurt even if you’re the dumper. You’d start to question everything you know, everyone you know, and even yourself, and your deepest core values. And the same would happen whether your relationship was toxic or healthy because, in the end, it was still yours, that is, a part of you.

As if that wasn’t enough, the more meaning and emotional value you attached to your relationship, the more empty, hopeless, and miserable you feel now that it’s gone. And sometimes the emotional pain of a breakup hurts so much that it even causes debilitating physical pain. Science proves this by reporting that the same brain regions activated when we endure intense physical pain are also activated when we endure intense emotional pain. (2)

But the pain-train doesn’t stop there. If you keep marinading yourself in emptiness, hopelessness, and misery, you’ll risk staying stuck in the past, chasing after an old life, a life that is now dead. As a result, you’ll stagnate — mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

2. Cut Your Ex Out Of Your Life (Indefinite No Contact)

To get over your ex as fast as possible, you have to cut them out of your life. This is what the no contact rule helps you with. No contact is a technique (Well, technically, a lifestyle) where you refrain from contacting your ex in any way, shape, or form. And while I wrote an entire guide on no contact, here’s the gist.

From now on, you don’t call, message or engage with your ex’s social media anymore. You don’t wish them happy birthdays. You don’t express yourself on any sort of holiday. You, quite simply, shut the fuck up. You also avoid having any encounters with them, and you remove anything that is within your control and can remind you of your ex, making you more likely to reach out.

Your phone is a solid starting point. Delete your ex’s phone number, photos, and text/email conversations. Unfriend and unfollow them on all social media channels. Throw away any gifts they gave you, or at least lend them to a friend until you’ve moved on. And avoid going to places that elicit (or can elicit) painful memories.

Some people say this no contact period should last from 21 all up to 90 days. I disagree with that mentality. I insist that no matter who left who, you should always walk away and never look back.

However, that doesn’t mean ignoring your ex if they do reach out. If that happens, be human. If you want them back, tell them that. If you want to heal, tell them not to contact you because you’re trying to heal. And if they keep bugging you and don’t respect your wishes, block them.

In cases where no contact is impossible to implement, like when you live with your ex, or you have kids together, or you work together, use what’s called modified no contact. The only difference between the classic and modified is that in the latter you’re “allowed” to contact your ex. However, this contact must be short, to the point, and strictly tied to logistics, business, or family matters.

Learn How To Go From Hurting And Obsessing Over Your Ex To Feeling Like Yourself Again

Whether you want to get your ex back or move on for good, my Radical Recovery Course provides you with the tools you need to fully heal from your breakup so you can create a new possibility for love.

Learn More

3. Leverage The Art Of Letting Go

Letting go means becoming aware of a specific feeling, allowing it to come up, clutching it tightly, and then letting it flow away from us without judgment or any desire to change it.

When you feel a certain negative emotion — be it anxiety, anger, sadness, or hurt — let yourself feel the very depths of it. Don’t try to suppress or avoid it. Find a place where you won’t be disturbed, like, a bedroom or a car, and then let it rip. Be vulnerable with yourself. Don’t think. Just let yourself cry, wail, and punch holes in the walls if you have to.

You can also amplify your negative emotions by telling yourself things like, “I feel like shit, “I’m going to die,” or “I’ll never be the same again.” The reason one would say these things to oneself is to squeeze all the hurt out if them.

This process may take you from a few minutes to several hours, but ultimately, it’s different for everyone since we are all at different points in our breakup recovery. So don’t be pressured to reach a certain time period.

You’ll want to repeat this activity multiple times throughout the days or weeks because negative emotions will keep regrowing until you’ve reached acceptance — perhaps even happiness. Therefore, this process of letting go is not something you do once and forget about it. It’s an activity you repeat until you have finally outgrown and transcended the longing for your ex.

Just whatever you do, don’t try to suppress your emotions or try escape from them (i.e., indulge in drugs, sweets, rigorous exercise, Youtube binges, etc.) The more you do this, the shittier you’ll feel afterward, and you’ll also be way more likely to face mood swings, temper tantrums, and general irritability. At worst, you may even develop trauma.

4. Rebuild life-essential areas

There are five key areas in which you should start rebuilding your life: sleep, exercise, hygiene, and diet. The faster you get them in order the sooner you’ll feel like yourself again.

Sleep

It’s been proven that people who get less than 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night are more irritable, less focused and way more prone to anxiety and depression. If you have trouble sleeping after your breakup, there are many things you can do to turn around the situation.

You can… Rebuild your sleeping patterns. Commit to waking up and going to bed at the same time every night. Limit or eliminate caffeine and alcohol. Turn off any screens at night. Incorporate an exercise regime into your afternoons or evenings. Experiment with sleep-aid devices like white-noise machines, sleep sounds/music, and relaxation exercises.

Exercise

No matter how much pain you feel, you have to muster up the energy to perform some form of physical exercise at some point. You can start small as with a walk for 20 minutes every morning or a bike ride for an hour every evening. You can also just lift weights at hope or use a trusty stair stepper. Just know that activities done in nature are proven to be more relaxing and therapeutic than those done at home, the gym, or any other closed place.

Hygiene

I won’t overindulge in this topic because I assume that you already have your personal hygiene in order. So rapid-fire: shower at least once a day, wash your hair and teeth, invest in quality clothing (this does not mean expensive), clip your nails, use deodorant. Just look presentable… Don’t be a slob.

Diet

Cut any sweets and wheat-based produce out of your diet. Having an abundance of sugar in your body is proven to make you more emotionally volatile, increasing the likelihood of drastic mood swings or temper tantrums. And having an abundace of wheat-based produce causes brain fog and lower productivity and makes you rapidly gain weight and feel bloated.

5. Take Care Of Your Overall Well-being

A couple of tips:

6. Socialise now And Date when ready

Socializing is paramount when you’re going through a breakup. It helps fend off loneliness and depression, increases your overall happiness, self-esteem, stress coping skills, and well-being and even helps you live a fuller and longer life. So go outside and meet up with your friends or family. Besides, humans are wired for social connection. It’s obvious that you’ll feel better if you get active again in our community or friend groups. (3)

Also, get a dog. Dogs are proven to be therapeutic for those dealing with grief and loneliness. (4)

Now, when it comes to dating, it’s a whole other story.

A lot of advice out there blazons how you should start dating other people, even if it’s just a week after your 10-year relationship collapsed. I call BS on this perspective. If you start dating right after your breakup, you’ll risk ending up in a bad rebound relationship, or you’ll use dating as a distraction from your breakup pain that will inevitably delay your recovery.

Here’s what I recommend you do instead: don’t rush into another relationship when you just came out of a fresh one. Take some time off to enjoy the single life, to process your grief and other emotions, and to get a taste of what living without someone you love feels like. Only start seeing other people when the world of dating starts feeling fun and exciting again.

Read that again, motherfucker.

You have no idea how many people tell me that they actually hate dating after their breakup, but they do it anyway because it prevents them from dealing with their pain or strokes their ego and makes them feel worthy of love again. Don’t be one of these people. 90% of the time, they’re even more miserable than when they were before they started dating.

7. Leverage Proven Healing Modalities

Below are some of the best ways to eleviate your post-breakup hurt, grief, and despair. As you’ll see, if you look around hard enough, you’ll see these modalities pop up in all sorts of places, from various forms of therapy and grief recovery advice to generic self-help. I didn’t come up with any of them, but I know for a fact that they work.

Meditation

I know, I know. You’ve seen meditation listed on just about every other post on how to get over an ex, and you’re probably sick to the stomach reading about it. But have you tried it yet? And if so, did you stick with it for at least a month? You see, most people never start. Don’t be one of them. Try and stick with it for a month, and you’ll see results. I promise.

Journaling

It’s one of the best ways of making your unconscious thoughts, worries, and emotions conscious, and thus healing and getting over your ex sooner. Journaling also doesn’t have to be complicated. You can simply start by writing down what you feel and think at the moment, the lessons your breakup taught you, the hopes you have for the future, the insecurities you have to deal with, or all the things you’re grateful for.

Dream reporting

At its core, dream reporting boils down to keeping a simple log where you write down the contents of your dreams every morning. Then based on what you’ve written, you seek patterns on what your dreams are trying to communicate in a psychological sense. This practice makes it easier to process your emotions and deal with grief. On top of that, the simple act of writing down your dreams, have a surprisingly potent therapeutic effect that further helps you get over your ex.

Qi-gong

It’s an ancient Chinese system of physical exercises and breathing control. It’s like meditation; only it consists of more movement. Also, there’s a vast amount of scientific studies backing up the effectiveness of the practice. Studies ranging all the way back from 1964 to recent years report that qi-gong highly benefits one’s mental and emotional health.

Travel

A commenter pointed out that you should also consider travel as an option when trying to get over an ex. Perhaps it’s the perspective that travel gives you that helps. Perhaps it’s the fact that it forces you to meet and socialize with all kinds of different people. Perhaps being in another place makes you focus on the actual place instead of a dead relationship. In any case, I found myself nodding in agreement with the statement. Travel is a good option when you’re trying to get over an ex. I’ve tried it myself during my breakups and it helped out a lot.

8. Get Professional help

There are two ways to get professional help after a breakup: therapy and consulting.

Therapy

This is the ultimate breakup-problem obliterator. However, most people get stuck in the stage of picking the right type of therapy. I mean, there’s shitloads of them out there: CBT, ACT, AEDP, REBT, existential, gestalt, Jungian, interpersonal, humanistic, psychoanalysis, and on and on it goes.

Here’s what I’d do: don’t be too nervous about choosing the right/wrong form of therapy. There is no right/wrong. All forms of therapy are equally effective. Some are just better at certain things than others. For example, existential therapy, Jungian therapy, and psychotherapy are the go-to choices for trauma survivors, and CBT and ACT are the go-to choices for people suffering from depression or anxiety.

Consulting

Pumping my own shit here. Consulting may also help you out a lot. I personally incorporate many legit therapeutic frameworks in my consulting practice, and I do have a CBT practitioner certificate. Still, I would never say that my consulting is the equivalent of therapy. Keep this in mind. But it does work wonders in tandem with therapy.

My most successful clients all participated in therapy sessions in addition to our consulting. Sometimes their therapist helped them with their unconscious emotions, and I helped them with their behaviors, habits, and goals. And other times, I helped them with their unconscious emotions, and their therapist helped them with their behaviors, habits, and goals.

9. Practice Self-Love

Self-love is the view you have towards your failures; it’s the state of appreciation for yourself grown out of numerous actions directed towards your personal, psychological, and spiritual growth. If you love and care for yourself, you’re not going to have an overwhelming need to do everything right, correct, or perfect — like making a relationship last. Instead, you’ll be willing to fail because you understand that that is where actual growth comes from.

And loving yourself doesn’t mean that you only care about yourself — quite the opposite. If you find love and compassion within, you will inevitably radiate it outwards. On the other hand, if you don’t find love and compassion within yourself, you won’t be able to broadcast it outwards, and you’ll be a rude, shallow person as a result.

The most significant step you can take towards self-love is to accept your flaws and embrace them and then be willing to show them. However, there are multitudes of other ways of showing yourself love. For example, you can cultivate it by taking yourself to the cinema, indulging in countless numbers of crusty and savory pizza rolls, or going on a seven-day hike all by yourself to unwind and “find yourself.”

But here’s the catch. If you’re doing these things conditionally, because of any outside influences, it’s not really self-love. But, if you do them unconditionally, it is.

This means that if you take yourself to the cinema or make yourself a bubble bath because some random dude on the internet told you to, you’re not really participating in self-love. But if you do those same things because you enjoy doing them — because you want to do them — then you are doing self-love right. Do self-love right. It’s all about intentions.

10. Set Smart Breakup Boundaries

Like when you establish boundaries around other people’s behaviours, you can also establish them around your behaviours to shield your heart from unnecessary pain. Here’s a couple examples of smart breakup boundaries:

11. Make Breakup Recovery A Habit

Every self-improvement activity we covered till now is useless if you perform it only once and then forget about it. To get over your ex faster, build tiny habits around your go-to activities.

For example: meditate each day for 5 minutes, journal each evening about 200 words, do 5 minutes of qi-gong after every breakfast, and so forth. Only when you’ve created consistency with a tiny habit for at least a week or two should you add 1% more effort and/or time to your activities. This will guarantee that your habits don’t become too arduous and end up killing your motivation to continue doing them.

But above all remember this: Even when you’re juggling between ten or more self-improvement activities, do not overwhelm yourself. Say it with me: Self-improvement is not self-overwhelm.

A lot of people try to do way too much to get over their ex. They take on five different daily mediation practices. They keep three different journals. They do qi-gong, yoga, tai-chi, all in the same afternoon. When they feel exhausted from doing so much, they assume that they need even more self-improvement to keep their energy up. So they dive into green-juice cleanses, intermittent fasting, and cryogenic baths. And the next thing you know, these people already spent way over 5000$ on self-help seminars and dodgy online courses costing up to four figures.

Oh, sorry… They didn’t spend all that cash; they “invested in themselves.”

(Please, shut the fuck up.)

I know you want to get over your ex. I know you want to become a better person. I know you want to squeeze out all that juicy potential from yourself. I commend you for your bravery. But try to understand that you don’t need to force yourself into 10 or 20 different self-improvement activities to achieve those things. Just focus on the few that genuinely resonate with you — those that you enjoy doing — and go deep with them. Let them take you to recovery and beyond.

And, perhaps most importantly, know when to stop engaging in self-improvement. For the ultimate goal of all self-improvement is to reach the point where you no longer feel the need for it.

If you keep engaging with it, despite already overcoming all of your personal issues, you’ll paradoxically only end up reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough as you are right now. And the more you’ll chase unnecessary personal growth, the more flawed, inadequate, unworthy, and ultimately unhappy you’ll feel.

You’ll always think that something is missing from your life, that there’s always some area in which you have to improve even more in, that there’s always some next level you have to reach in order to be happy.

These are all illusions. Or even delusions…

The reality is that after a certain growth period — and this varies from breakup to breakup, person to person — more self-improvement becomes self-defeating. At that point what you should focus on instead is self-acceptance. If you fail to cultivate it, you’ll be trapped in a perpetual cycle of chasing highs — a hedonic treadmill, per se. You’ll feel like you’re advancing in life, but in reality, you’ll just be spinning your wheels, going nowhere.

Overall, view self-improvement as an Aspirin. You take it when you have a headache. But you don’t keep taking it when the headache subsides. That would just be fucking dumb, after all.

(Optional) Top Questions On How To Get Over An Ex

1. How to get closure after a breakup?

From the inside. Never outside. I would even go as far as to say that closure is not important. You think it will make you feel better, but it won’t. There’s just another attempt at getting closure, behind closure. Instead just get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Accept that you’ll never find the answers you’re looking for. Embrace the cold and infinite uncertainty of life, fucker.

2. how long does it take to get over a breakup?

Plenty of people have tried to make that estimate. There have been scientific studies done on the matter, and there have been poles made. Still, the unfortunate reality is that there’s no definitive answer. It might take you few weeks, months, or years to fully get over your ex.

3. Can I still Get Over My Ex If I’m Friends With Them?

No. Don’t even try it. There’s just too much emotional baggage tied to the both of you, which will prevent you from forming any lasting friendship with them. Until you’re both over each other or have somehow sorted your emotional shit, refrain from trying to be friends. Period.

4. What If I want my ex back at some point?

Well, you’re not alone. A lot of people want their ex back after a breakup. And while there’s nothing wrong with reconciliation, I generally advise them to find someone else instead. This is because of three reasons:

  • If two people broke up, they probably weren’t compatible. Their relationship was over for a reason. And if they suddenly get back together, their incompatibility is will not magically go away, at least not with months or even years of self-work. Therefore, the odds are that they’ll just break up again shortly.
  • Most people want their ex back due to their fear of not finding anyone else or because they don’t feel worthy of anyone else. If these kinds of people get their ex back, the usual result is an toxic relationship or one trapped in a perpetual cycle of breaking up and coming back together.
  • The odds of staying together with your ex after a breakup are not in your favor. Therefore I would deem the whole venture a waste of time. I know this sounds counterintuitive since most “get your ex back” experts tell you otherwise, but they’re lying: they prioritize profit over truth. I mean, it giving people false hope sells way more products than telling them, “Hey, fuckface. You probably will never get your ex back and that’s okay.”

5. What Are Some Good Resources For Getting Over Your Ex?

Lots of people ask me what resources I’d recommend for getting over an ex. Well, here they are, in no particular order.

12. Understand that it’s natural to still love your ex

There will be times when you’ll hate your ex, times when you’ll miss them, and times where you’ll silently realize — and maybe even get a mini heart as a result — that, deep down, you still love them.

Relax. This is normal.

You see, breakup recovery is not linear. Sure, there are certain stages you have to advance through before you move on entirely, however, those stages are not your typical stairway shape. They’re more like fluid.

You may be in a stage where you feel like shit one day and the other, in a stage where you feel like gold. Then, one week later, you may find yourself right back in the stage that feels like shit and the next week in the one where you feel like gold. And this pattern can repeat itself throughout the following weeks, months, or even years following your breakup. That is, until you settle in the latter stage that you’re trying to reach.

How will you know when you’ve reached the end of these breakup recovery stages and finally moved on?

Well, it’s when you start to feel acceptance toward your breakup as well as your ex. That’s the most frequent sign, at least. It’s when you still love them, but that love is far less intense and “in your face” than it would generally be. In other words, it’s a subtler, more calming sense of love — such where you realize that your ex is not coming back, and despite caring for them, you feel okay about it. Maybe you even feel hopeful and excited.

Take my love life, for example. I still love my exes — yes, even the toxic ones. I also sometimes miss them. Perhaps I even occasionally jerk off to their Instagram photos when I feel like it.

But do I want to get back together with any of them? Do I want to be their friend? Do I even want to see them?

Fuck no.

I’m more than happy in my current relationship, which, by the way, is approaching its fourth anniversary as of writing this article. And regardless of whether it lasts or not, I have no intention of ever reconnecting with any of my exes. I love them from the bottom of my heart, but I love them from a distance. Learn to do the same.

13. More (Tiny Yet Powerful) Tips On Getting Over An Ex

There are a few tips that individually didn’t justify their own section in this article. But I still feel that knowing them will help you get over your ex faster. So I decided to list all of them here, under one heading. Enjoy.

Decide that you’re going to get over your ex

Decide that you’re going to retake control over your emotions, identity, and life. Decide you’re going to do all of this despite the odds. Then keep making that decision in each and every moment: when you wake up, while you brush your teeth, while you push out your morning turn, while you drive to work, while you work, while you cook/grab breakfast, lunch, dinner, and so forth. You get the idea.

Take responsibility for your breakup

It might not be your fault that your relationship ended, but it’s always on you how you’ll respond to its end. When my girlfriend dumped me, I felt miserable for at least a year afterward. That’s to be expected. But I also held her responsible for my misery, which didn’t get me very far. It just made me feel worse. Now, while she was to blame for pulling the plug and hurting me, I was still responsible for how I felt. And because I couldn’t take any responsibility, I unnecessarily prolonged my suffering. So again, take responsibility for your breakup. Don’t play the blame game.

Forgive

If you’re the reason your relationship ended, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. If your ex is the reason why your relationship ended, forgive them. Again, we all make mistakes. And if the breakup is the fault of both of you — which is most likely — forgive the both of you. And don’t misunderstand forgiveness. It doesn’t mean forgetting or being okay with whatever happened. It simply means deciding to accept what happened and letting it go, and then remaking that decision in every moment of weakness. Talking of acceptance…

Accept your breakup

While this may sound abstract, complicated, and most likely unachievable, it really is none of those things. Accepting your breakup doesn’t mean you forget your ex, stop loving them, or make yourself like the emotional place you’re in right now. Accepting a breakup simply means you accept your situation. You are where you are. You don’t fight this feeling, nor do you try to suppress or deny it. You’re simply okay with it, even though it hurts.

Engage the pain

Pain is a constant in life that you can’t remove. All you can do is engage with it. And this engagement boils down to letting yourself feel it and ascribing it with empowering meaning. The less you engage with pain, the more you’ll suffer. The more you engage with it, the better you’ll feel.

Find Better Meaning

Find something that you value more than your dead relationship and focus on it wholeheartedly. Find something that’s healthy and will keep you moving in the direction of growth and unapologetic self-expression. This something can be as grand as a life purpose or as small as a desire to become a good writer, dancer, or cook. Go wild.

Don’t compare your suffering to the suffering of others

Especially not to the suffering of your ex. There’s a common fallacy people fall for when they get into a breakup — they think they’re the only ones suffering. This is false. Your ex is suffering, too, even if it doesn’t seem like it. They are, just like you, pondering and reflecting on their lost relationship, perhaps even grieving.

Join breakup recovery support groups

These can be accessed via Facebook, Reddit, or obscure online forums. Once you’re in there, vent. Explain yourself. Help others. And hear what others have to say. You’re never suffering alone. Remember that. Frequent interaction with other people, especially people in groups, will make you feel less lonely.

Combat negative self-talk with realism

For example, instead of telling yourself, I’m a piece of shit for screwing up my relationship,” tell yourself, “I’m not a piece of shit. I just made some mistakes, as we all do. The fact that my relationship didn’t work doesn’t make me a bad person in any way, shape, or form.”

Cultivate patience

Several greedy gurus, tell you how you can move on in just a few days or weeks, but we both know that’s bullshit. It’s going to take months, maybe even years to fully get over them. Accept this. There is no shortcut or magic pill.

Stimulate those genitals

Seriously, masturbation helps take the edge off. It’s proven to lead to relaxation, and relaxation is proven to lead to better decision-making and healthier well-being. Inversely, you could do the whole NoFap thing, but I have no idea if that actually works. I’ve tried it myself but never found it beneficial.

See your relationship for what it was

People usually don’t see their relationship as it was, but instead through “rose coloured glasses — a psychological tendency that makes them remember their relationship in a way they want it as opposed to how it really was. So they essentially remember the good times they had with their ex and disregard the bad. Don’t let this happen to you. Fight the urge. Consciously remind yourself how your relationship actually was.

Ponder on the lessons of your dead relationship

What are your emotional needs? Do you have any needy tendencies? Any weird or toxic hangups? Any boundary issues? A shitty attachment type, perhaps? Self-esteem issues? Worthiness issues? …those kinds of things. When you discover your unique lessons, don’t forget about them. Your future love life depends on them.

14. Understand that Loss is Inevitable

Human life naturally moves toward entropy. We’ll be dealing with loss and chaos as long as we live, and this goes far beyond our romantic relationships. We’re going to lose our jobs, kids, health, our mom and dad, and we’re going to have to deal with all of it. In the end, we’re even going to start losing urselves.

Bit by bit, we’re going to begin losing the pieces of our sanity, identity, and soul — the pieces that made us who we are and start to move towards our inevitable demise, the sweet kiss of death. What will you do before she gets you? If you got hit by a car tomorrow and you’d know it, would you still sulk and mope over your breakup?

Probably not.

So focus on what’s Important. Focus on what’s in front of you. Focus on what you can make of yourself in this one short life you got so that when Death actually does come, you can proudly give her the middle finger as you let go of your regrets, whisper your last words and exhale your last breath.

Make this life count. This breakup is a new beginning for you. And I know you don’t believe me, but you really are going to be okay.

56 Essential Breakup Survival Tips That Will Help You Feel Like Yourself Again

Whether you want to get your ex back or get over them, emotionally recovering from your breakup is always the first step. Get therapy-proven tips for taking it successfully.