Should I Text My Ex? 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't - Max Jancar
A Cheat Sheet For Pinpointing And Maximizing Your Chances Of Reuniting With Your Ex

This free cheat sheet will explain every step of the re-attraction process, cut out all the confusion, and catapult your chances of getting back with your ex sky-high.

Get The Free Cheat Sheet

Should I Text My Ex? 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

By Max Jancar | Updated: July 18, 2022 | 8 Minute Read | Ex-Back

Should I Text My Ex

Click play to listen to this article.

If you’re riddled with a sudden temptation to text your ex, stop and think about if it’s worth it. Should you really do it? Should you just go and eat something instead? Should you hurl your phone across the room?

Here’s my best advice: texting your ex is never a good idea. It may work for a few, but it’s the equivalent of no-clipping into the infamous backrooms for the vast majority.

The instant you hit send, you’ll be caught up in a whole new web of regrets and anxiety. And your self-worth will suffer for it. So in many ways, it’s just not worth it.

Reasons Why You Should Never Text Your Ex

If you honestly think about whether or not to text your ex — to send them that one message you think can change everything, think twice. Or better yet, read through this list of top reasons you should NEVER text your ex.

1. You Need To Take Your Time To Heal

Getting over a breakup, is a pain in the ass. And it takes a lot of time. It’s completely normal to have this impulsive need to talk to your ex during this time because you feel out of control and miss them. But before spiraling, you need to give yourself the time to heal. Not texting your ex will enable you to borrow that time.

And while self-control can be incredibly challenging, if you learn the craft well, you will emerge more resilient than ever. Eventually, and with repetition, you won’t even be thinking about texting your ex anymore.

2. If You’re Expecting Closure, Forget It

While you may expect that texting your ex will bring you some sort of closure, this just isn’t true. Nothing they say or do will make you feel any better. Besides, they probably don’t even know what to say or do. They’re likely just as confused as you are. And if they apologize after you make the first move, they probably aren’t genuine anyways.

You might even feel that by talking, you’ll be able to pinpoint what you lacked in your relationship so you can somehow “fix” yourself and get back together with them. Bullshit. You should never let your self-worth be attached to someone else this way. This sort of mindset will only make you go bonkers.

3. Don’t Give Your Ex The Satisfaction of Thinking You Aren’t Over Them.

If you haven’t been talking to your ex, it’s natural that both of you may wonder if you have moved on or not. The moment you break no contact and text your ex, they may feel rather smug about themselves. Because to them, this is all the confirmation they need to know that you aren’t over them yet. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Focus on yourself.

4. You’ve Already Said Enough; Save Your Breath.

Let’s say you text your ex. What do you expect to get out of it? What will you even say?

There is probably nothing you can say that you already haven’t said before. If you feel that you had to push to communicate with your ex when you were dating, which was likely draining and toxic for you, don’t expect it to be any different now. If they made no effort to communicate at that time, what makes you think they will do it now? You have said enough; it’s time to save your breath and precious energy. Redirect it to more fruitful goals instead.

5. You May Feel Relieved for Two Solid Minutes Before You Realize What You’ve Done

“It may feel good to text your ex.”

No, let’s make this more realistic.

“It will feel good to text your ex … for a minute or two.”

But right after reality sets in and you realize what you’ve done, you will regret it. Plus, you may have to think of the worst-case scenario. What if you text them while they are with someone? What if they flaunt your text in your social circle as an indication that you want to get back together with them? Some toxic exes relish that little ego boost. So, even if you feel nice for a bit, it’s not worth it long term.

6. Texting Your Ex Will Come Off As Needy

In many ways, when you text your ex, you’ll come off as needy and desperate. And if your goal is getting your ex back, your chances for reconciliation will likely plummet for it. So don’t risk it; it’s not worth it — 9 times out of 10, you’ll do more harm than good. Sometimes you may even turn them off to a point where they will start to feel relieved they left.

7. Don’t Let Your Ex Think You Have No Other Options

If you haven’t texted your ex for a long time, they may think you’ve moved on. The instant they get a message from you, they may settle with a new delusion that somehow they’re the best you can do or the only thing you have going on in your life. This is a big turn-off. But thankfully, one you can easily avoid.

8. Your Ex May Ignore You

When you hit send, you will be glued to your phone like a hawk waiting for a reply. You may very well wait the entire day for a reply. But once you realize they have no intention of texting you back, you may feel hurt, idiotic even. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment of going down that path and overcome the impulse to text them.

9. It’s Probably Time to Move On

If you’re feeling lonely or reminiscing over old times, don’t let it drive you to the extent that you text your ex. It’s time that you move on. You have no reason to waste your time and energy on something of the past. Instead, think of this as a chance to meet new people, connect with old friends or just spend time with yourself. Day by day, you’ll get through it and find yourself naturally moving on.

10. Think of the Past You, the Future You, And Respect Them

Before you text your ex, think about the past you. Think of the difficult times you went through before the downfall of your relationship. It’s rarely fair or healthy to try and reconnect with your ex after all that. Chances are, you won’t just be disrespecting your past self; but also your future self.

Now’s the time to create a future for yourself. Invest in the things that make you a better person. By texting your ex, you’ll only re-open your wounds of the past and perhaps jeopardize your future as well.

(Optional) Top Questions About Texting An Ex

Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?

This depends entirely on the sort of connection you both have now and, of course, the intention behind your text. It isn’t the best idea if you just use this as an excuse to rekindle your relationship or grab their attention. You may again come off as needy. But if you wish them a happy birthday with no ulterior motives, that should be fine.

This is still a bad idea if you’re dating someone else now. Unless you and your significant other are somehow friends with your ex, there is no reason to wish them a happy birthday. It’s a waste of your time and a bit disrespectful to your current partner.

Should I Text My Ex Who Dumped Me?

If your ex was the one who called quits, you don’t need to text them. You’ll likely just end up annoying them and turning them off. They may even go around and spread the word that you’re a needy person who won’t let your past relationship go.

Instead, wait for them to reach out, and when they do, set up a date with them. If they ever feel like they made the wrong decision, they will be the ones to contact you first. And if they don’t, they’re probably content with their decision.

What Can I Do If I Feel The Urge To Text My Ex?

Stop yourself if you ever get hit with a strong impulse to text your ex. Think about why you want to reconnect with someone from your past. If you feel like you may cave, try doing something to distract yourself.

Go for a walk, take a bath, watch a movie, anything that feels good to you, do it. Doing something that requires you to use your hands is a good idea since that can occupy your mind as well. While doing this all, try to keep your phone out of easy reach so you don’t act on your impulses with haste.

What Do I Do If My Ex Messages Me First?

If you just want to move on, feel free to ignore or ghost them. Or, if you’re of the more polite sort, engage in a short conversation (3-5 texts back and forth, or a 5-minute long phone call), and then say, “Nice hearing from you, but I’ve got to go. Take care.”

On the other hand, if you want your ex back, I’d engage, like I wrote prior, in a short conversation and then invite them out on a date. Say something like, “It was nice hearing from you. I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together?”

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. With over 8h of video, 300 pages of writing, and personalized 1-on-1 coaching, I'll walk you through every step of the re-attraction process from start to finish.

A Cheat Sheet For Pinpointing And Maximizing Your Chances Of Reuniting With Your Ex

This free cheat sheet will explain every step of the re-attraction process, cut out all the confusion, and catapult your chances of getting back with your ex sky-high.

Get The Free Cheat Sheet

Keep Reading

A Cheat Sheet For Turning a Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You

With over 40 actionable and therapy-approved tips, this free cheat sheet will help you stop obsessing over your ex and cut your time to feeling great again in half.

Get The Free Cheat Sheet

Not Interested.

A Cheat Sheet For Turning a Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You

With over 40 actionable and therapy-approved tips, this free cheat sheet will help you stop obsessing over your ex and cut your time to feeling great again in half.

Get The Free Cheat Sheet

Not Interested.