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Be indifferent to get your ex to chase you. Be indifferent to spark their curiosity. Be indifferent to get them to go on a date with you. Be indifferent to launch their attraction into the stratosphere. Be indifferent, and they’ll love and lust for you all over again.
“Be indifferent” is probably one of the most common pieces of advice thrown around the breakup-o-sphere.
You see snake oil salesmen like Brad Browning telling his clients to act indifferently toward their exes in order to re-attract them. You see legit relationship coaches like Corey Wayne or Craig Kenneth telling their viewers to do the same thing. And you see just about anyone helping people with breakups preaching the same idea — if you want your ex back, become indifferent to them.
Sometimes “be indifferent” refers to blatantly ignoring your ex and being cold towards them. Sometimes it refers to being friendly but detached. Other times it refers to being completely unattached to them. Meaning, whether your ex responds positively to your presence or not, whether they text you back or not, or whether you get them back or not, you do not show worry. You don’t cave under any circumstances.
But here’s the thing: being indifferent to your ex’s reactions, replies, and opinions, and them in general, is impossible. In fact, I would even consider trying to be indifferent toward as dysfunctional and idiotic.
Why Trying To Become Indifferent To An Ex Sucks
By withholding your true intentions and identity, you also withhold your authentic self. Therefore if you do re-attract your ex at some point, they didn’t fall in love with you; they fell in love with the fake you — the indifferent artificial persona you constructed and projected into the world.
The only reason breakup survivors attempt to be indifferent to their ex is because they deep down care too much about them.
They pretend not to care that they haven’t responded to their third message in a row because they’re petrified that they’ve lost them for good.
They pretend to be cool and aloof when they get their ex on a date because they’re scared of screwing things up and not getting another chance with them.
They pretend they’re balling in pussy/dick and couldn’t care less about their ex when their friends ask, “how’s the recovery going?” only because they’re too ashamed to admit that they’re hurting, lonely and sometimes even miserable.
They pretend to not care about what their ex thinks and does, but deep down they do care — they care intensely.
Indifference is nothing but a defense mechanism against insecurity, shame, fear, and vulnerability. It’s not those who are indifferent that are strong, admirable, and confident; it’s those who are indifferent that are weak, lame, and cowardly — even self-absorbed and self-pitying.
In fact, they’re the kind of people who perpetually hide in the grey emotionless pit of their own making, distracting themselves from their true feelings toward their ex and their true attitude towards their breakup.
Tune out the toxic advice.
The whole indifference movement is an illusion. An ideology made to give you false hope that you can become some uncaring badass like in the movies. You know, the guy or gal who just doesn’t give a fuck about adversity. But that’s a fantasy. You can’t be indifferent toward your ex, nor should you attempt to be.
A Better Alternative To Becoming Indifferent To An Ex
So, if you can’t “not give a fuck” about your ex, then what can you do? Hell, can you do anything else at all to care less about them?
Well, yes. Yes, you can. And it’s pretty straightforward: find something to give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than your ex — something that nullifies the importance and significance of your heartbreak and that makes your daily emotional struggle worth it.
Paradoxically, finding this something will eventually make you indifferent to your ex as a side-effect. But this is no ordinary indifference that a coward would practice. This is authentic indifference that’s not only healthy but also necessary for living an empowering and good life. It’s the indifference one embodies without trying to be indifferent.
Now, the way you find what this something is by asking yourself a simple question that you then ponder on: what do I give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than my ex?
This something can truly be anything: being a part of a movement, fighting for a cause, catering to another relationship, getting better at a certain skill, developing some interesting habit, following a life purpose.
To be more specific, your something can be as ambitious as a goal to become a New York Times Bestselling Author. It can be as ordinary as a desire to major in computer engineering. It can be as primitive as a wish to buy a 500.000$ sports car. It can be as altruistic as a dream to spend one’s life helping starving kids in Africa. It can be as personal as a yearning to regain a shard of self-esteem lost amid heartbreak.
It’s mind-boggling and even unfortunate that so few breakup survivors seek the answer to the “what do I give a fuck about” question. I mean, it’s relatively easy and the upside of the whole task far outweighs the downside.
Not only will your unique answer help you authentically re-attract your ex, but more importantly, the very act of finding it will help you discover what you deeply care about and illuminate what you shouldn’t care about. It will help you figure out where to give your fucks and where refrain from giving them. It will help you find out your purpose and who you really are.
These are a monumental insights that transcend breakups and spill into every area of life.
The thinking goes that you only have a limited amount of fucks to give. So, if you keep giving them at the rate Sasha Grey gives blowjobs to things that don’t really matter (i.e., your new shoes, your friends’/families’ opinion, your breakup, getting your ex back), you’ll risk spreading yourself thin by caring about too many things at once and eventually that will destroy you — mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.
So again, answer me this, and this time actually think about it: what do you give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than your ex?
Now go and pursue that.
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