Be indifferent to get your ex to chase you. Be indifferent to spark their curiosity. Be indifferent to get them to go on a date with you. Be indifferent to launch their attraction into the stratosphere. Be indifferent, and they’ll love and lust for you all over again.
“Be indifferent” is probably one of the most common pieces of advice thrown around the breakup-o-sphere.
You see scammers like Brad Browning telling his clients to act indifferently toward their exes in order to re-attract them. You see legit relationship coaches like Corey Wayne or Craig Kenneth telling their viewers to do the same thing. And you see just about anyone helping people with breakups preaching the same idea — if you want your ex back, become indifferent to them.
Sometimes “be indifferent” refers to blatantly ignoring your ex and being cold towards them. Sometimes it refers to being friendly but detached. Other times it refers to being completely unattached to them. Meaning, whether your ex responds positively to your presence or not, whether they text you back or not, or whether you get them back or not, you don’t show worry. You don’t cave under any circumstances.
But here’s the thing. Being indifferent to your ex’s reactions, replies, and opinions, and them in general, is impossible. In fact, I would even consider trying to be indifferent toward your ex as deeply dysfunctional and outright idiotic.
By withholding your true intentions and identity, you also withhold your authentic self. Therefore if you do re-attract your ex at some point, they didn’t fall in love with you; they fell in love with the fake you — the indifferent artificial persona you constructed and projected into the world.
The only reason breakup survivors attempt to be indifferent to their ex is because they deep down care too much about them.
They pretend not to care that they haven’t responded to their third message in a row because they’re petrified that they’ve lost them for good.
They pretend to be all cool and aloof when they get their ex on a date because they’re so scared of screwing things up and not getting another chance with them.
They pretend they’re balling in pussy or dick and couldn’t care less about their ex when their friends ask, “how’s the recovery going?” only because they’re too ashamed to admit that they’re hurting, lonely and miserable.
They pretend to not care about what their ex thinks and does but deep down, they do care — they care intensely.
Look, indifference is nothing but a defense mechanism against insecurity, shame, fear, and vulnerability. It’s not those who are indifferent that are strong, admirable, and confident; it’s those who are indifferent that are weak, lame, and cowardly — even self-absorbed and self-pitying!
In fact, they’re the kind of people who perpetually hide in the grey emotionless pit of their own making, distracting themselves from their true feelings toward their ex and their true attitude towards their breakup.
Just stop. Tune out the toxic advice. The whole indifference movement is an illusion. An ideology made to give you false hope that you can become some uncaring badass like in the movies. You know, the guy or gal who just doesn’t give a fuck about adversity.
But that’s a fantasy. You can’t be indifferent toward your ex, nor should you attempt to be.
So, if you can’t “not give a fuck” about your ex, then what can you do? Hell, can you do anything else at all to care less about them
Well, yes. Yes, you can. And it’s pretty straightforward: find something to give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than your ex, something that nullifies the importance and significance of your heartbreak, something that makes your daily emotional struggle and confusion totally worth it.
Paradoxically, finding this something will also eventually make you indifferent to your ex as a side-effect. But this is no ordinary indifference that we discussed till now and that a coward practices. This is authentic indifference that’s not only mentally healthy but also necessary for living an empowering life. It’s the indifference one embodies without trying to be indifferent.
Now, the way you find what this something is, is by asking yourself a simple question, which you then ponder on: what do I give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than my ex?
This something can truly be anything.
It can be as ambitious as a goal to become a New York Times Bestselling Author. It can be as ordinary as a desire to major in Computer Engineering. It can be as primitive as a wish to buy a 500.000$ sports car. It can be as altruistic as a dream to spend one’s life helping starving kids in Africa. It can be as personal as a hope to regain a shard of self-esteem lost amid heartbreak.
It’s mind-boggling and even unfortunate that so few breakup survivors seek the answer to the “what do I give a fuck about” question. I mean, it’s relatively easy and the upside of the whole task far outweighs the downside.
Not only will your unique answer help you authentically re-attract your ex, but more importantly, the very act of finding it will help you discover what you deeply care about and illuminate what you shouldn’t care about. It will help you discover where to give your fucks and where refrain from giving them.
This is a monumental insight that transcends breakups and ties into every area of life.
The thinking goes that you only have a limited amount of fucks to give. So, if you keep giving them at the rate Sasha Grey gives blowjobs to things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things (i.e., your breakup), you’ll risk spreading yourself thin by caring about too many things at once and eventually that will destroy you — mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.
So again, answer me this, and this time actually think about it: what do you give a fuck about that’s more important and meaningful than your ex?
Cover photo is by Grandfailure via DreamsTime.
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