Does My Ex Miss Me? (Hint: Yes, But It’s Not Like It Matters)

Many people want to know whether or not their ex misses them after their breakup. And so they keep asking me questions about it. Mainly questions like, “Does my ex miss me right now?” “Will they miss me if I walk away?” “Will they miss me if I give them space?” or “Will they miss me if I stop talking to them.”

Regardless of the question, the answer is yes. Your ex does miss you. And if not, they likely will start sooner or later. But you’ve got to respect their decision to break up and walk away for that to happen, especially if they asked for space or decided to pull the plug. You’ve got to let them go to get them back.

Now, there are exceptions to this. Your ex probably won’t miss you if your relationship was short (1-3 months), a rebound, or strewn with toxicity (i.e., cheating, lying, abuse). That said, walking away and letting them go still gives you the best chance of making them miss you.

But here’s the catch: your ex missing you doesn’t really matter.

Don’t get me wrong. Your ex must miss you for them to want to get back together with you. But you’ve got to grasp a subtle distinction here: while your ex missing you is what kickstarts the entire process of getting them back, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want to get back together with you. After all, many people miss their exes yet still want nothing to do with them.

Keep this in mind while reading this article, in which I’ll answer every common question people have about whether or not their ex misses them.

Does My Ex Miss Me Like I Miss Them?

It depends on many factors and is a bitch to figure out, but here are some guideposts. Your ex is more likely to miss you as you miss them if:

• They have an anxious attachment style (instead of an avoidant or secure).
• You’re the one who dumped them (instead of them being the dumper).
• We’re talking about something like a four-month online fling (instead of, say, a five-year old relationship where you lived together).
• You were compatible (instead of having conflicting views, goals, values, and beliefs).
• Your relationship was healthy (instead of toxic).

There’s also a funny gender debate that ties into this topic. Women are, on average, more inclined to thinking less favorably about their exes than men. And because of this, they, on average, move on faster than them. (1) (2)

For How Long After The Breakup Will My Ex Miss Me?

Most couples stop missing each other after six to eight months following their breakup. Still, this rule has many exceptions and is contingent on the same confusing factors I’ve outlined a paragraph prior — as well as what your ex is doing with their life and where they’re taking it.

To give you a few examples:

• If your ex is a classic codependent who relies on you for emotional support, there’s a good chance they will miss you for a long time after your breakup. Whereas if they’re mature and emotionally stable, they probably won’t.
• If this was your ex’s first relationship and they’re relatively young (below 30) and have little to no sexual experience, they’ll be more inclined to miss you much longer than if this was their fifth relationship, they’re over 30 and spent a lot of time dating around and accumulating sexual experience.
• If your ex already moved in with you, and you were perhaps even planning to have kids at some point, they’ll miss you for much longer than if you had a simple and shallow high-school relationship.

What Are The Signs My Ex Misses Me?

The signs your ex misses you draw many similarities with those indicating an ex will eventually come back. Here are the ten most glaring ones, listed in no particular order. The more of them you notice, the more likely your ex misses you.

1. They reach out. Assuming you’re in no contact, if your ex reaches out for any reason unrelated to logistics (children, pets, living arrangements, work, shared possessions, etc.), there’s a good chance they miss you.

2. They’re excited to hear from you. There’s a lot you can pick up from someone’s tone. If your ex is eager to talk to you, it’s a sign that they miss you. But if they’re cold and detached and you can see that you’re a nuisance to them, it’s a sign they don’t.

3. They’re interested in meeting up. Self-explanatory. If you’d like to learn how to date them properly, check the method I outlined in this article.

4. They’re engaged in your social media. Meaning they like and comment on it, tag you in posts, and keep opening your stories. Now, this isn’t always the finest indicator your ex misses you, so don’t forget to factor in other signs on this list.

5. They drunk text/call you. I wouldn’t think much about it if it happened only once or twice. But if it keeps happening day-in, day-out, I’d take the gesture very seriously.

6. They keep up with your friends and family. Meaning, your ex asks them how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and perhaps even if you’re seeing anyone else.

7. They keep bumping into you. Meaning, your ex goes to venues where they could “accidentally” bump into you. So if you keep seeing them wherever you go, know that it may not be a coincidence.

8. They propose being friends with benefits. Whether your ex suggest this directly or indirectly (i.e., they tell you something like, “we’re not getting back together” or “you’re not right for me,” but still proceed to fuck you), it’s a they miss you.

9. They’re forcing a friendship. An obvious sign your ex misses you. But if they propose it only once, they’re probably just letting you down gently (note: don’t accept friendship if you want your ex back).

10. They’re flaunting their new partner. Whether it’s a rebound or not, if they’re flaunting them, it’s usually a sign they miss you. Otherwise, why would they try to provoke you? If they didn’t feel anything for you anymore, they’d act as if you don’t exist).

How can I make my ex miss me?

I wrote about a bunch of effective ideas and methods in this, this, and this article. But, at it’s core, making your ex miss you and regret breaking up boils down to two things:

• Improving yourself (raising self-esteem, self-worth, overcoming neediness, investing in your identity and lifestyle, learning from your breakup, etc.)
• Walking away and never looking back (going no contact, letting your ex go, and behaving as if you’ll never see them again).

It’s that simple.

And while you could try to make your ex miss you by making them jealous by taking photos with people of the opposite sex, pretending you’re balling, or sending them one of those stupid “good reminder texts,” we both know that those things don’t work and just aren’t a healthy way of mending a relationship. In fact, it’s quite a sad sight to behold.