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When you’re trying to get your ex back, regardless of when you broke up, giving them a proper and lengthy break from you is key.
So instead of forcing reconciliation to happen, let it do so organically. Have patience and give your ex time. But don’t just mope and wait for them to reach out. Work on yourself. Otherwise, you’ll be disappointed.
The more you develop emotionally and mentally, the more attractive you become, and the higher your chances of getting your ex back get.
And even if you don’t get your ex back, simply working on yourself will get you into the best possible position to meet someone even better and make things work with them.
Now, while you’re busy working on yourself, your ex will be wondering why you haven’t reached out yet. After all, they probably expect you to cave and chase after them since they had all the power.
And once they before curious, it’s only a matter of time before they start to miss you. And if they do end up missing you, they’ll also start focusing more on the positive aspects of your relationship, and less on the negative. This makes them more likely to contact you in some way.
This peculiar response is possible due to two psychological biases: the fading affect bias (over a longer period of time, memories associated with negative emotions tend to be forgotten quicker than those associated with positive emotions) and the rose-colored glasses bias (the passing of time invokes nostalgia, making certain events feel more pleasing and positive than they actually were). (1) (2)
In a nutshell: the best way to get somebody’s attention is to remove yours.
Yet there is a caveat here. Your ex must get to this place of missing you on their own. You must give them time and with it, the gift of missing you. Meaning, it has to be your ex’s idea to reach out.
And that probably ain’t gonna happen until a good chunk of time has passed. But that’s fine. You want your ex to have the freedom to play the field and see what else is out there. You want them to have the freedom to come back at their own pace.
Because it’s that same freedom that gives you both the opportunity to thoroughly reflect why your relationship fell apart and what you’d need to do to make it work the next time around.
Most people fail at this because there simply wasn’t enough time between the breakup and the make-up. So they can’t get perspective on why their relationship didn’t work out nor what issues and flaws they need to improve upon.
Don’t be one of these people. Don’t just sit around and passively wait for your ex to reach out. Work on yourself when you’re not in contact with them. Or else, you’ll just blow your shot if they actually do come back.
Timing is key. This goes for you. This goes for your ex. This goes for everyone involved.
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