As part of The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.
Here’s this week’s edition.
Today’s Idea:
Most breakup advice out there obsesses over the idea of overcoming negative self-talk. But you never hear how irrationally positive self-talk is just as harmful and stupid as the irrationally negative.
Well, it is. Telling yourself you’re a failure because you got dumped is just as bad as telling yourself how you didn’t make any mistakes in your relationship and that your breakup is solely your ex’s fault.
In both cases, you’re deluding yourself about your situation. The reality, however, is that all the nasty and horrible things you say to yourself about yourself are untrue. And all the amazing and badass things you say to yourself about yourself are probably untrue as well.
Today’s Suggestion:
The next time you engage in either positive or negative self-talk, reframe it to a more realistic variant.
When you tell yourself, say, that you’re a failure for getting dumped — reframe that into something like, “No, I’m not a failure; I just made a mistake. I should be kinder to myself. We all fuckup sometimes, after all.”
Or when you tell yourself you’re actually a badass and your ex is dumb for not seeing your amazing potential and breaking up with you — reframe that into something like, “I’m clearly overcompensating here. I’m not a badass, I’m just a normal, average guy/gal trying to figure out relationships. And I shouldn’t irrationally pump myself up and look down at my ex just to cope with my shattered self-esteem.”
Today’s Resource:
How To Love Yourself After A Breakup (7 Realistic Activities) — lots of people become their own worst enemy post-breakup. This is a guide on how to avoid that, and actually — as cheesy as it sounds — become your own greatest supporter.
New This Week:
Article revamp — I have rewritten and expanded my article on how to be happy after a breakup. Read it here.
New podcast episode — this one is about the stages of a breakup. In it I cover how to identify what stage you’re currently in, how these stages look and what to expect in them, and how to overcome each one as quickly as possible. Check it out here.
As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. While I can’t respond to everyone, I do read everything.
Until next time,
Max Jancar
Get a weekly email with one idea, suggestion, and resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love (with your ex or someone new).