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I’ve recently gotten lots of emails from people who, while they broke up with their ex, still act like a couple. They still live together, talk daily — some even meet up occasionally and have sex. These people mainly want to know how to leverage their situation to get back with their ex officially.
To start with the obvious: if you broke up with your ex but still act like a couple, you’re farther than most people re-attraction-wise. If you play your cards right, you’ll probably mend things eventually.
But how do you play your cards right? Well, despite what many experts preach, it’s pretty simple.
How To Handle Situations Where You Broke Up With Your Ex But Still Act Like A Couple
First, go no contact, and be sure it’s indefinite. Then, whenever your ex reaches out — and they’re NOT interested in discussing logistics like pets, kids, work, or living arrangements — invite them on a date. Be sure you do it as early in the conversation as possible.
Say something like, “nice hearing from you [your ex’s name]. Tell you what, I’ve got to run — have something to care of — but would love to meet up next week/take you out on a date. What days are you free?”
On this date, your main concern should be having fun and hooking up. And if your ex at any point rejects you or gives some wishy-washy answer when you invite them out (i.e., “I can’t make it; I have some errands to take care of,” or “Maybe next week,” or “I’ll call you later to confirm”), back to no contact it is.
That is, at least until they reach out again, at which point you invite them out one more time. And if you get turned down even then, only attempt to take another stab at the date-invite when your ex brings it up first. Think of this guideline as a defense mechanism shielding you from becoming a simp.
A similar story applies if you live with your ex or if you’re currently on a date and are acting like a couple. Simply put: when they make a move, escalate.
For example, if they put their hand around you, put your hand around them and gently pull them closer. Or if they lean into you, lean into them and perhaps even kiss them. After your escalation, proceed to another one. And then slowly to another. And another. And one more. All up until you hook up.
If you keep doing this date-in-date-out without any pushback — and all while making sure you’re both having fun in the process — you will eventually get your ex to the point where they either bring up commitment themselves or accept your request for it. This happens because of their heightened attraction — attraction you increased through displaying the aforementioned attractive behavior.
Even when you have kids or pets with your ex and still act like a couple, there’s not much deviation from our original formula.
Make necessary logistical agreements promptly. Then, when your ex gives you the right signals (more on these signals in this article), invite them on a date. If they reciprocate and are enthusiastic about it, consider making your current location your date, and commence the whole thing there and then. And, of course, have fun and hook up. Always.
Some extra notes: avoid starting deep and personal conversations at the start of your date. Lean into them instead. Don’t try to change your ex, too. And don’t be friends with them. Ever. Also, don’t be their therapist. And finally, don’t focus on or bring up relationship labels. They’re irrelevant, and expressing them is nothing but an unattractive reflection of your fear of your relationship’s future.
That’s pretty much it! No, it’s really that simple (although definitely difficult).
Mending things with your ex when you’re acting like a couple ultimately comes down to a period of no contact, a date invite, discerning the best times to polarize and doing so fearlessly and without expecting a particular response, and imbuing every interaction with lightheartedness, playfulness, and a bit of wit.
What Not To Do When You Broke Up But Still Act Like A Couple
I read many articles on what to do when you break up with your ex but still act like a couple. They, for the most part, kept overcomplicating the fundamentally simple situation. So much sometimes, I chuckled with amusement.
So to brush against their hot takes: no, you don’t need to understand your ex’s attachment style to mend things, especially if you’re already acting like a couple. You also don’t need to complicate re-attraction with this brain-dead X-day no contact bullshit. And you don’t need to know every fucking reason why your ex stays in touch in the first place. It all boils down to high attraction anyways.
Stop trying to understand everything. At a certain point, a deeper understanding will only bring diminishing returns.
Why is that? Well, as I already argued in a previous article, most of these “experts” advising what to do when you still act like a couple with your ex are just injecting artificial complexity into their work on purpose.
Specifically: because it allows them to present their product as this super-simplifying vehicle, which presses just the right psychological buttons in your brain to make you buy it faster.
In other words, these in-depth thousands+ word articles on getting your ex back when you still act like a couple are mainly sales pages in disguise. They’re not there to inform. They’re there to convert.
Nothing wrong with converting readers into buyers, by the way. I just don’t like when that’s the sole intention of an article — or just about any piece of content.
If you broke up with your ex but still act like a couple, what will ultimately help you save your relationship is some damn common sense mixed with a hyper-optimized bullshit detector for sciolists and charlatans pandering shoddy advice.
If you take away anything from this article, remember that the solution to getting back with an ex under any circumstances is often far more straightforward than what an average piece of content on the internet says. So use your brain and don’t just blindly follow advice — not even mine.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly videos, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.
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