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Having a good attitude is paramount when trying to get your ex back.
It also makes getting your ex back less likely, sabotages your reconciliation attempts, or traps you in an unhealthy relationship — or a string of them.
On the other hand, a good attitude causes you to display non-needy behaviors, making you appear attractive, which leads to the development of empowering beliefs, greater self-worth, self-esteem, and self-reliance.
It also makes getting your ex back more likely and helps you reunite in a way where cultivating a happy and healthy relationship actually becomes achievable.
And to top it off, a bad attitude only prolongs your breakup recovery and makes it more challenging, while a good one makes it faster and easier.
Over the years, I found it challenging to articulate what these bad and good attitudes look like. I didn’t know how to describe them in a way that felt accurate and real.
Fortunately, I have my readers. Below are two descriptions they shared with me. The first clarifies what a typical bad attitude looks like, and the second what a typically good one looks like.
An Example Of A Bad Attitude
From one of the readers enrolled in my Radical Re-Attraction Course:
I am and have always been willing to do ANYTHING for my ex. She told me earlier that day how she loved me and was excited to move away with me — without a hint of deception in her voice. Trust me. She’s a bad liar.
We were together for almost three years, which is the longest she’s been in a committed non-abusive relationship. And she’s the first relationship I’ve been in, period.
I just feel so desperate, but I don’t want to push that on her. I want to give her the space she needs, but she is the one I want. I need to do anything and everything I can to get her back, no matter how long it takes.
It’s almost impossible to think about improving myself for me. All I can think about is her. When should I reach out for another chance?
An Example Of A Good Attitude
From one of the readers who bought my email-consulting:
First, I’m very proud of how I’m handling the breakup. I feel good, and I have never worked so much on myself, literally in my whole life.
Second, for the first time, I (we) understand the reasons for the breakup. I also 100% accept that I made enormous mistakes in the relationship, identified them, and bear responsibility for them.
Third, I actually wish nothing but the best for my wife — to a point where a few weeks ago I thought I heard she had a new boyfriend, and instead of losing my mind over it, I simply thought, “I’m happy if she’s happy.”
I think this is the first time I actually love someone in a healthy way. And also, the first time, I know I would be totally fine if we didn’t get back together. I do believe we could do something amazing together, though.
The Big Shift
If you’ve adopted anything along the lines of a bad attitude, you’ve got to change it. Otherwise, you’re going to wreck your life — and, if you’re not careful, your ex’s life, too.
Now, transitioning from a particular shade of bad attitude to a good one is far from easy. It takes time, it takes effort, and, above all, it takes being brutally honest with yourself.
I wish there was some proven step-by-step plan I could offer for changing your attitude, but there is none — no quick fix, no miracle cure. It’s a path unique for everyone; because every breakup, relationship, and person is different.
All I can recommend is this: after your breakup, take a few months to a few years to dive deep into self-improvement. But not so you can get revenge on your ex, prove how much better you are, or “inspire” them to return. Fuck that. Improve yourself for yourself — and only for yourself.
In combination with the passing of time, self-improvement with the right intentions is the change agent that makes the Big Shift possible.
But how will you know when you’ve adopted a good attitude? Here’s a pretty accurate indicator: when you start feeling happy for your ex regardless of whether you got back together and are unattached to that outcome.
They could get into a rebound or move on and marry someone brand new for all you care. If you’re happy for them regardless and are okay with their decision not to want to mend things, you’ve adopted a good attitude — the right attitude.
Until you haven’t reached this mental point, however, keep on trying. Keep on reaching. Keep on improving. And you’ll get there in time.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly videos, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.
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