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Should I text my ex happy birthday? Is it appropriate or inappropriate? Does it cause harm to my ex’s attraction? Does it make me look needy if I do text? Does it make me seem rude if I don’t?
Lots of my readers keep asking these sorts of questions. And in most cases (as I wrote in another article), the answer is no. You shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday in any way, shape, or form. That said, there are some rare exceptions to the rule. In this painfully anal-retentive article, I’ll explore the topic in excruciating detail.
Why Do You Want To Text Your Ex Happy Birthday?
At its core, it’s not texting your ex happy birthday that’s necessarily attractive or unattractive. It’s the intention behind it.
If you text your ex happy birthday because you miss them, you’re lonely, want to remind them of your existence, gauge their attraction, or use the special day as an excuse to break no contact, what you’re doing is needy and is unattractive. In which case, don’t text them.
Your needy intentions will bleed through your interactions, and sooner or later, your ex will figure out that you’re texting them not to really to wish them a happy birthday but to gauge if you still have a chance. And when that happens, their attraction plummets — and so do your chances.
Whereas if you text your ex happy birthday without expecting anything in return and solely for texting them happy birthday, then what you’re doing is non-needy and, well, at least more attractive than if you’d reach out with desperate intentions.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday?
Consider the following examples to determine if you should text your ex happy birthday. Just don’t forget to consider intentions, too.
Example #1: When You Want Your Ex Back
If you want to get your ex back and are in no contact (and your ex hasn’t reached out yet), don’t text them a happy birthday. It will only make you come off as desperate and can potentially ruin your chances of getting them back.
Example #2: When You’re Interacting With Or Dating Them
If you’re already dating your ex and are interacting with them frequently, feel free to text them a happy birthday. Just make sure you do it without expecting a certain response in return and without ulterior motives.
Example #3: When You’re Over Them
If you’re over your ex and there is no emotional residue from your relationship left in both of you, then texting your ex happy birthday is appropriate. But then again, pointless. I mean, why the fuck would you want to do it? You’re over them. That chapter of your life is dead and gone.
Example #4: When You’re Re-Opening Breakup Wounds
If you broke up a long time ago but feel that you’d only re-open your breakup wounds if you’d text your ex happy birthday, then don’t.
Example #5: When You’re Dealing With Toxicity
If you determine that your ex is toxic, do not text them a happy birthday. I don’t give a shit whether they changed for the better. You don’t revisit dysfunctional relationships. No exceptions.
Why Not Texting Your Ex Happy Birthday Can Be So Attractive
An ex’s birthday raises an exciting opportunity: to get your ex to notice your absence more viscerally. Think about it: their social media will be flowing with a rich stream of birthday wishes, yet there won’t be any that are from you.
This will make them think of you more, not less. And it’s a way better way to get them to feel separation anxiety and start missing you than if you’d pursue them. Even better, your ex probably expects you to wish them a happy birthday in some way, and since you don’t, it only raises their curiosity and makes them more likely to reach out.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday If They Wished Me Happy Birthday First?
Only if you have birthday’s on the same day, are friends who actively hang out, or are sexually involved. If any of these things describe your situation, go ahead and text them.
Just be sure not to use the birthday text as an excuse to indulge in mindless conversations and small talk and, ultimately, invite your ex out. They will pick up on your intention and lose attraction because of it. If dating is your real intent, be upfront about it.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday When I Was The One Who Broke Up?
Fuck no. Forget about it. If you broke up but now regret your decision and want them back, you shouldn’t be texting them a happy birthday.
What you should actually do is apologize for dumping them (don’t make it a big deal, though; apologize casually but sincerely), acknowledge the ways you’ve perhaps hurt them, and tell them you want them back.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday When I Am In Another Relationship?
No. You’re in another relationship. Why the fuck would you want to reheat leftovers? Don’t wish your ex happy birthday, it’s a waste of time, and it’s disrespectful to your current partner. The only exception is if you’re both active friends with your ex, but I doubt that.
But if your current partner is not meeting your needs, and that’s why you’re thinking about reconnecting with your ex, leave your relationship, dammit. Don’t be an “emotional cheater“.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday When I Just Want Closure?
No. Besides, you can’t get closure from external things such as your ex’s answers and explanations. You can only get closure within, so that’s where you need to look. In other words, you must make peace with your situation and learn to validate yourself to get closure.
Should I Text My Ex Happy Birthday When I Just Want To Brag?
Yes, this is an actual question people ask. Are you fucking 12 or something? Of course, you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday to brag — to prove how much better you are without them or whatever. It’s shallow as fuck, and you’ll only feel worse afterward.
The Bottom Line
You shouldn’t be texting your ex a happy birthday. It won’t benefit your mental health. It won’t raise their attraction. It won’t improve your chances of getting them back. It will only complicate things and make them awkward.
And let’s be honest, deep down, you know that it isn’t even about the birthday — you just want your ex back! You want certainty that they still feel something for you. You have ulterior, unattractive intentions. Otherwise, I doubt you’d be reading this article.
So forget about the birthday. Hell, forget about wishing them a happy Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, or any other special day of the year. Stick with no contact and stop looking for excuses to break it.
This is your best shot at getting your ex back. Or, if that doesn’t work out, getting to a place where you’ll be able to meet someone even better.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly videos, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.
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