I get it. You’re looking for signs that will help you determine if your ex-relationship is rebuildable. After all, no one wants to spend time trying to rebuild an un-rebuildable relationship. No one wants to attempt rekindling things that are fated to stay frozen forever.
In a previous article, I argued that you should stop obsessing over the signs that they will come back because it only brings stress and worry and makes you display needy and self-sabotaging behaviors that only turn your ex off.
In this article, I’ll hit you with a similar argument. Only, I’ll go one step further: don’t just stop obsessing over the signs your ex will never come back. Convince yourself that they all have giant checkmarks next to them. Act as if your ex is never, ever coming back.
It sounds counterintuitive, but this mindset will make you recover faster, be more attractive, and raise the likelihood of your ex returning. So, stick with me here. It’ll all make sense in the end.
Below, I’ll go over 16 signs indicating your ex is never coming back, so we’re all on the same page about what we’re discussing. Next, I’ll explain why it’s best to pretend there’s a big checkmark next to each sign. And in the end, I’ll explain how you can adopt this “it’s over for good” mentality despite any mental adversities.
Signs your Ex Is Never Coming Back
1. Your ex told you to move on already. The only exception is if they keep telling you this as a form of reverse psychology to win you back. Sadly, this happens more times than you think. Several greedy “get your ex back” gurus teach this dirty trick.
2. Your ex blocked you on everything and is avoiding you. When someone blocks and avoids you, they probably don’t like you and don’t want anything to do with you. And while sometimes your ex is just an avoidant, more often than not, they just don’t like you.
3. Your ex removed every trace of you from social media. Tying in with the sign above, If your ex unfollowed you from everywhere, deleted pictures of you, and completely revamped their online profiles where there’s not a crumb of their past love life revealed, then it’s safe to say that they don’t want you back. At least not at the moment.
4. Your ex has cold body language if you stumble upon them. For example, they don’t pay any attention to you when you’re near, don’t face you, smile, or even make eye contact. It’s like you don’t exist for them.
5. Your ex keeps making excuses when you invite them out. If your ex keeps telling you things like “maybe I’ll go out next week,” “I’m busy right now,” or “I have some errands I need to take care of,” there’s a good chance that they don’t want to be near you at the moment. Remember: always focus on what your ex does, not what they say or mean.
6. Your ex is married/is getting married. Need I say more? Never get entangled in these situations, even if your ex is willing to cheat. Stay away.
7. Your ex speaks badly about you to mutual friends and family. While you could argue that hate (also, hostility, anger, and mockery) is a good sign since it’s not the opposite of love (indifference is), I disagree. Hate is still hate. You don’t want to see people you hate. I don’t want to see people I hate. No one wants to see people they hate.
8. Your ex doesn’t care if you’re seeing someone else. If your ex is not showing any signs of jealousy, frustration, or concern when they find out or witness that you’re dating other people, they’re probably over you.
9. Your mutual friends tell you to move on. Mutual friends usually have an accurate idea of where you stand with your ex. For their head is not clouded with emotions, and they probably discussed your situation at some point. Therefore if they advise you to move on, heed their advice.
10. Your ex returns your stuff. This activity is the equivalent of burning bridges. The fewer things your ex has at your place, the less need there is to contact you about them.
11. You go long-distance. If your ex moved far away from you, or vice versa — far being relative to the individual and their time and means — re-attraction probably won’t work out. To get your ex back, you need to meet them in person and keep meeting them to rekindle things. This clearly can’t happen when you’re miles apart.
12. Your ex wants to be “just friends.” Your ex may want to use friendship as a backdoor to another relationship, but this is rare, especially if you’re the dumpee. More commonly, they put forward the idea because they want to let you down gently and avoid hurting you more. (Note: never accept friendship if you want them back).
13. Your ex is dating someone new. If this happened right after your breakup, it could be a rebound. However, if your ex found someone weeks or even months after you parted, it could because they got over you and want to move on to someone new. My advice in that case? Go and find someone new yourself.
14. The blatantly obvious. For example, your ex tells you word-for-word how they don’t love you anymore, don’t want to stay in touch, see you or go out with you, or get back together.
15. You had a toxic relationship. If you and your ex parted ways due to physical or emotional abuse, manipulation, lies, cheating, criminal acts, or just about anything toxic, the odds of reconciling are shit (even more than they already are). But that’s actually a good thing. No one should revisit toxic relationships.
16. You have a strong gut feeling. I know I’m regurgitating the one sign every other blog wrote about, but I had to include it in this list because lots of people tend to overlook its significance. So if you can sense your ex doesn’t want you back, you’re probably right. Listen to your gut.
Why you should act as if your ex is never coming back
For one, as counterintuitively as it sounds, when you stop caring and hoping for your ex’s return, you raise your chances of getting them back. Why? Because of is the scarcity bias ingrained in our minds: whatever or whoever is hard to get, unreactive, or unresponsive is deemed more desirable and attractive. (1)
Don’t take this the wrong way, though: if you approach getting your ex back with manipulation and deceit that exploits the other person’s biases, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.
Instead of engaging in band-aid solutions, do deep, meaningful work. Convince yourself that your relationship is over and cut your ex out of your life. And not for the sake of winning them back, but for the sake of winning yourself back.
Another reason you should act as if your ex is never coming back is because once you strip yourself of any hope of reconciliation, you have no future with your ex to look forward to. Thus, the only thing that’s left is to focus on yourself.
You can reflect on why your relationship didn’t work out. You buy yourself time to overcome any self-esteem and self-worth issues that make you act needy. You can map out what kind of partner you actually want — what’s the next best thing after your ex? You can ponder how to move forward and rebuild your life.
The last reason you should act as if your ex is never coming back piggybacks on the previous one. The idea is that when you focus on yourself and your personal development, you simultaneously begin cultivating a more peaceful and relaxed state of mind. Consequently, this improves virtually every area of your life: sleep, health, productivity, happiness, well-being, etc.
These benefits are nothing to laugh about. The upside of acting as if your ex is gone for good far exceeds the downsides. In fact, we could even argue that there are no downsides to the mentality.
Now that I’ve got you all stirred up about this idea, you’re probably wondering, “Gee whiz, Max. I’m diggin’ this shit, but how do I implement this advice?”
I’m glad you asked.
How to act as if your ex is never coming back
Here’s one way to do it: start with accepting your breakup. Then cut your ex out of your life by going no contact and ditch any hope that they’ll return. Next, find something better than getting your ex back to care about. And finally, vizualize how all the signs your ex is never coming back are checked off. Close your eyes and actually try it out. From now on your ex blocked you, they’re avoiding you, they keep talking shit about you, they fucked all your friends.
These things may sound complicated, but are actually pretty simple (although emotionally challenging). And while they will hurt at first, they’ll also make you a stronger, more resilient person. For being resilient doesn’t mean feeling good all the time — it means being okay with feeling bad sometimes.
So while you’re working on all the above, dive into self-improvement. Focus on it without guilt and remorse. But not for your ex, but yourself. This will feel weird at first. Most people think they should be fighting for their ex’s love instead of focusing on themselves.
Turns out, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Your ex is not special. And the more you try and pursue or chase after them, the less attracted they’ll be. Whereas the less you bug them, the more attracted they’ll be.
So get going. Do meditation, start a journal, take care of your diet, improve your social skills, read some good self-help books, try therapy, go wild. There are a million and one options out there. I’m sure you can find something that resonates with you.
The uncomfortable truth
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know the uncomfortable truth: most exes don’t come back. And even when they do, the rekindled relationship rarely lasts.
The only time you’ll ever have a fair chance of permanently getting back with your ex is when your values and lifestyle choices align, when you surmount the tendencies and issues that made you part ways, and when you change yourselves for the better.
Sadly, there’s no quick fix for radical personal transformations. They take years to happen. Yet there’s a bright side to the whole thing. Now that you’re a proud member of Singledom, you have a bazillion opportunities to find a more compatible partner. And if that’s not up your alley, you can also go on an un-attached dating rampage as I did.
Sooner or later, you’ll either meet someone better than your ex and commit to them or start enjoying being single/dating. Regardless, a time will come when you’ll be at peace again. And when that happens, the past will lose its hold, and you’ll never look back.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. With over 8h of video, 300 pages of writing, and personalized 1-on-1 coaching, I'll walk you through every step of the re-attraction process from start to finish.
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