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I get it. You’re looking for signs that will help you determine if your dead relationship is rebuildable. After all, no one wants to spend time trying to rebuild an un-rebuildable relationship. No one wants to attempt rekindling things that are fated to stay frozen forever.
In a previous article, I argued that you should stop obsessing over the signs that your ex will come back. Chiefly because it’ll only make you more anxious, which will consequently propel you to display more needy behaviours that will sabotage re-attraction and exacerbate your initial anxiety.
In this article, I’ll propose a similar argument. Only, I’ll go one step further: don’t just stop obsessing over the signs your ex will never come back. Convince yourself that they all have giant checkmarks next to them. Act as if your ex is never, ever coming back.
Sounds counterintuitive, but this mindset will make you recover faster, more attractive, and raise the likelihood of your ex returning. So, stick with me here. It’ll all make sense in the end.
Below, I’ll go over 16 signs indicating your ex is never coming back, so we’re all on the same page about what we’re discussing. Next, I’ll explain why it’s best to pretend there’s a big checkmark next to each sign. And in the end, I’ll describe how to adopt this “it’s over for good” mentality despite any mental or emotional adversities.
Signs your Ex Is Never Coming Back
1. Your ex told you to move on — be that directly or via softer statements like “you deserve someone better,” or, “I’m not good enough for you.” The only exception to this sign is if they keep telling you to move on as a form of reverse psychology to win you back. Sadly, this happens more times than you think. Several “get your ex back” gurus teach this dirty trick.
2. Your ex blocked you on everything and is avoiding you. When someone blocks and avoids you, they probably don’t like you and don’t want anything to do with you. And while sometimes your ex is just an avoidant, more often than not, they just don’t want you near them.
3. Your ex removed every trace of you from social media. Tying in with the sign above, if your ex unfollowed you from everywhere, deleted all pictures of you, and completely revamped their online profiles to where there’s not a crumb of their past revealed, it’s safe to say that they don’t want you back.
4. Your ex has cold body language if you stumble upon them. For example, they don’t pay attention to you when you’re near, don’t face you, smile, or even make eye contact. It’s like you don’t exist for them.
5. Your ex keeps making excuses when you invite them out. If your ex keeps telling you things like “maybe I’ll go out next week,” “I’m busy right now,” or “I have some errands I need to take care of,” there’s a good chance that they don’t want to be near you at the moment. Remember: always focus on what your ex does, not what they say or mean.
6. Your ex is married/is getting married. Need I say more? Never get entangled in these situations, even if your ex is willing to cheat. Stay away.
7. Your ex speaks badly about you to mutual friends and family. While you could argue that hate (also, hostility, anger, and mockery) is a good sign since it’s not the opposite of love (indifference is), I disagree. Hate is still hate. You don’t want to see people you hate. I don’t want to see people I hate. No one wants to see people they hate.
8. Your ex doesn’t care if you’re seeing someone else. If your ex is not showing any signs of jealousy, frustration, or concern when they find out or witness that you’re dating other people, they’re probably over you.
9. Your mutual friends tell you to move on. Mutual friends usually have a much more accurate idea of where you stand with your ex than you. Their head is not clouded with emotions, and they probably discussed your situation at some point with other people with a similar stance. So if they advise you to move on, move on.
10. Your ex returns your stuff. This is the equivalent of burning bridges. The fewer things your ex has at your place, the less need there is to contact you about them.
11. You go long-distance. If your ex moved far away from you, or vice versa — far being relative to the individual and their time and means — re-attraction 9 times out of 10 won’t work out. To rekindle things, you need to meet your ex in person and keep meeting them. This clearly can’t happen when you’re miles apart.
12. Your ex wants to be “just friends.” Your ex may want to use friendship as a backdoor to another relationship, but this is rare, especially if you’re the dumpee. More commonly, they only reason they put forward the idea is because they want to let you down gently and avoid hurting you more. Note: if you want your ex back, never accept friendship.
13. Your ex is dating someone new. If it happened right after your breakup, it could be a rebound. But if your ex found someone weeks or even months after you parted, it’s likely a result of getting over you. If that’s the shit sandwich you’re stuck in, go and find someone new yourself.
14. The blatantly obvious. A few common examples: your ex tells you word-for-word how they don’t love you anymore, don’t want to stay in touch, see you or go out with you, or get back together.
15. You had a toxic relationship. If you and your ex parted ways due to physical or emotional abuse, manipulation, lies, cheating, criminal acts, etc., the odds of reconciling are often dismal. That said, that’s actually a good thing! No one should revisit toxic relationships. It’s the equivalent of reheating months old McDonalds’ french fries and pigging out on it.
16. You have a strong gut feeling. I know I’m regurgitating the one sign every other blog listed, but I feel its worth pointing out even here since lots of people overlook it. So here goes: if you can sense your ex doesn’t want you back, you’re probably right.
Why you should act as if your ex is never coming back
For starters, as counterintuitively as it sounds, when you stop caring and hoping for your ex’s return, you raise your chances of getting them back. Mainly because of our scarcity bias: whatever or whoever is hard to get or unreactive is deemed more desirable and attractive. (1)
Don’t take this the wrong way, though. You shouldn’t manipulate your ex to return. Instead, find something more important than getting them back and focus on it wholeheartedly. This way, you’ll naturally become hard to get and unreactive, that is, without the need to fake it. You’d pull off a healthy embodiment of indifference.
Another reason you should act as if your ex is never coming back is because the mentality forces you to lock-in on the one thing you truly have left: yourself.
- You can reflect on why your relationship didn’t work out.
- You can buy yourself time to overcome any self-esteem and self-worth issues that make you needy.
- You can map out what kind of partner you actually want.
- You can ponder how to move forward with your life — what’s the next big thing you’ll focus on in general?
And finally, the last reason you should act as if your ex is never coming back is because through shifting your focus from them to yourself, you begin weaving together a much calmer, more serene state of mind. A state of mind that improves virtually every area of your life: sleep, health, productivity, happiness, well-being, etc.
How to act as if your ex is never coming back
While there are many ways to pull it off, some I already alluded to earlier in this article, here’s one I found works great:
- Start with accepting your breakup — acknowledge it happened and let yourself feel like shit about it.
- Then cut your ex out of your life — this is done best through going no contact.
- Find something you care more about than reconciliation — following your purpose, being a part of a movement, standing for some cause, etc.
- Vizualize how all the signs your ex is never coming back are checked off. From now on they’ve blocked you, are avoiding you, keep talking shit about you, and have fucked all your friends.
These things may sound complicated, but are actually pretty simple — although emotionally challenging. And while trying them out will hurt at first, sticking with them will also make you more resilient. I mean, being resilient doesn’t mean feeling good all the time. It means being okay with feeling bad sometimes.
So while you’re working on all the above, dive into self-improvement. Focus on it without guilt and remorse. And not for your ex, but yourself. This will feel weird at first. Most people think they should be fighting for their ex’s love instead of focusing on themselves. Turns out, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Your ex is not special. And the more you try and pursue or chase after them, the less attracted they’ll be. Whereas the less you bug them, the more attracted they’ll be. So get going. Do meditation, start a journal, take care of your diet, improve your social skills, read some good self-help books, try therapy. Go wild.
The uncomfortable truth
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know the uncomfortable truth: most exes don’t come back. And even when they do, the rekindled relationship rarely lasts.
The only time you’ll ever have a fair chance of getting back with your ex for good is when your values and lifestyle choices align, when you surmount the emotional baggage that made you part ways initially, and when you change your mentality around re-attraction for the better. And no, there’s no quick fix for this sort of radical personal transformation. It often take years to come to fruition.
Yet there’s a bright side to the whole shit-show. Now that you’re a proud member of Singledom, you have a bazillion opportunities to find new love. And if that’s not up your alley, you’re also free to go on an un-attached fucking rampage as I did.
Sooner or later, you’ll either meet someone better than your ex and commit to them or start enjoying being single and dating casually. Regardless, a time will come when you’ll be at peace again. And when that happens, the past will lose its hold, and you’ll never look back.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly videos, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.
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