Ex Started Talking To Me Again, Then Stopped (An Action Plan)

When your ex starts talking to you again, it might feel like an opportunity for reconciliation. However, when the conversation abruptly halts, panic sets in, and neediness ensues — neediness that can transform a mildly frustrating situation into a dumpster fire.

In this article, I’ll go over seven reasons your ex skedaddles into silence, seven ways you shouldn’t respond to it, and seven ways you should in order to mend your relationship with minimal headaches.

Let’s dig in.

Why Your Ex Started Talking To You Again But Then Stopped

Here are seven reasons, sorted from the most common to the least. Trigger warning: the first one will probably hurt.

1. You’re Acting Desperate

While there are always exceptions, if you’re like most people who read me, you are likely misinterpreting your ex’s social cues, acting all controlling or smothering, and seeking their validation. Worst of all, you’re probably doing all this without realizing it.

To be more specific, you might think your ex’s friendly text means they want you back. And so you respond overly emotionally, come off as needy, and turn them off (misinterpreting social cues).

Or, despite having good intentions, you might be texting your ex excessively. Thus, they start perceiving you as invasive and suffocating, which pushes them further away (being controlling or smothering).

Or you might be constantly asking for their opinion or reassurance on your decisions, which puts pressure on them and makes them feel like they need to manage your emotions (validation seeking).

2. There Was Miscommunication

Sometimes, your ex will stop talking to you because you phrased certain things in a way that might indicate you’re ending the interaction. That, or because you didn’t specifically ask a question or request clarification.

A signature example here is when you text your ex something like, “It was nice catching up with you today.” While this seems like a polite and friendly message, it can be interpreted as a conversation closer.

Or take the phrase, “I’ve been really busy at work lately.” Sure, it provides information, but it does not invite further discussion. Without a specific question or prompt for your ex to respond to, they might not feel compelled to continue the conversation. They may even interpret it as you being preoccupied, leading them to withdraw.

3. Your Ex Has Unresolved Emotions

Your ex might have felt a sudden urge to reach out and start a conversation with you due to some random emotional high that shot up as quickly as it withered away.

And as soon as this urge was gone, your ex withdrew from the conversation, occasionally even feeling dumb that they initiated it in the first place.

Beware: these reactions are to be expected. Breaking up often leaves us with fluctuating emotions. We might feel one way one day and completely different the next.

4. Your Ex Fell For External Influences

Sometimes, friends or family might advise your ex against maintaining contact with you, leading them to reconsider their decision.

Other times, your ex may have entered an entirely new relationship during your interaction, making continued contact awkward and disrespectful to their new partner. Therefore, they pull back.

It may also be that your ex simply has other, more important things than you going on in their life that require their immediate attention.

Finally, your ex might have been facing potent pressure from social media and cultural expectations, which typically discourage ongoing contact with an ex. And that’s why they went cold.

5. Your Ex Seeks Closure

Your ex might have reached out simply to gain closure on certain aspects of your past relationship.

Perhaps they wanted to understand what went wrong. Perhaps they fished for explanations about certain behaviors you’ve done. Or maybe they simply needed to express their concerns and emotions.

And when they felt they achieved this desired closure, they may have felt the need to step back and focus on themselves. And that’s why they stopped talking to you all of a sudden.

6. Your Ex Fears Rejection

Another reason your ex halted further contact is because they’re afraid of your unreciprocated or negative response.

This fear can be deeply rooted in various personal experiences or concerns. Maybe your ex faced countless rejections in their last relationship. Or perhaps they can’t stand disapproval because their parents excessively disapproved of them while they were growing up.

7. Your Ex Is Manipulative

In rare cases, your ex will start talking to you only to abruptly stop on purpose in order to hurt you, gain the upper hand, and feel better about themselves.

If, based on your ex’s past behavioral patterns, you determine that manipulation is the reason they’ve pulled away, stop talking to them immediately. Except, of course, in regards to shared responsibilities like kids, pets, bills, etc.

I know this is an ex-back article, but I’m not letting you act like a fucking pushover. If your ex plays games with you, you are obligated to muster the self-respect to stop trying to get them back.

What Not To Do When Your Ex Started Talking To You Again But Then Stopped

Before we dive into what you should do, here are seven typical mistakes you should avoid at all costs.

1. Bombarding Your Ex With Calls And Texts

This behavior often arises from anxiety or fear of losing an ex completely. But while benevolent, it only erodes attraction.

Calling your ex incessantly or sending them a flood of unsolicited messages after they stopped talking to you is not only desperate and suffocating, but it’s also disrespectful. After all, it doesn’t respect your ex’s plea for space or their need to process their feelings.

2. Asking Your Ex For Explanations

As in, “Why don’t you respond anymore?” “Did I say something wrong?” and “What did I do?”

Beware: these pleas often seem needy and will likely turn off your ex, especially when done through text, where intentions and tone can quickly be misinterpreted for the worse.

3. Reminding Your Ex Of The Good-Times

Another mistake people make is trying to get their ex to talk again by reminding them of the good times they shared. For example, by texting, “I just drove past that nice restaurant we went to for our first date. Made me think of you.”

It would be nice if this was how you’d rekindle a relationship, but it isn’t. In most cases, your ex just rolls their eyes when seeing messages like this. They just don’t feel the same way as you anymore, so there’s always a disconnect.

Besides, when your ex has lost touch with their attraction for you, reminding them of the good times you used to have usually just highlights how badly you messed up and how desperate you are.

4. Getting Impatient And Emotional

Self-explanatory.

No one wants to talk to, let alone date, impatient and emotional people (except maybe other impatient and emotional people).

Generally, the more impatient and emotional you are, the more likely you are to lower your ex’s attraction for you. But the less impatient and emotional you are, the more likely you are to raise their attraction for you.

5. Apologizing Excessively

It’s natural to feel regret and want to apologize to your ex post-breakup, especially when you want them back.

But similarly to bombarding your ex with calls or texts about anything, bombarding them with apologies can be equally counterproductive and desperate.

That said, if you genuinely do have to apologize, do it once, and don’t exaggerate or make the apology longer than necessary.

6. Playing Games With Your Ex

For instance, acting like you don’t care about them, waiting 30 days before reaching out again with some canned text message you found online, or posting photos of you with other attractive people on social media just to make your ex jealous.

In short, don’t do anything gamey — anything that aims to provoke a specific reaction or response from your ex.

Pro tip: if you have to ask yourself if something is gamey, it probably is, and you shouldn’t do it.

7. Making The Situation Public

Social media can seem like a convenient outlet for expressing frustrations or seeking support for your ex’s sudden pull-back, but airing your issues there has a bagful of nasty repercussions.

Repercussions like unnecessary drama and unwanted opinions, as well as pressure on you and your ex to elaborate on your issues, causing even more unnecessary drama and unwanted opinions.

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How To Proceed Once Your Ex Started Talking To You Again But Then Stopped

So this is where the practical stuff begins. Let’s dive into how to handle this baffling situation without losing your sanity or hurting your chances of reuniting with your ex. Here are seven pieces of advice to follow.

1. Accept The Uncertainty

Welcome to the rollercoaster of dealing with an ex. One minute they’re in, the next they’re out. It’s a classic mind game, intentional or not.

Don’t fight against it. Just accept that people, especially exes, can be inconsistent and flaky. It’s not a reflection of your worth but of their inability to make up their damn mind.

2. Don’t Play Detective

The first instinct might be to find out why your ex went silent. But please, resist the urge to go all Sherlock Holmes on their ass.

Whether they found someone new or are just playing games, digging around will only make you feel worse.

3. Avoid the Blame Game

Don’t waste too much time wondering what you did wrong. It’s easy to spiral into self-blame and then tumble into perpetual self-flagellation.

Whether your ex’s actions are your fault is irrelevant; it doesn’t change anything. So rather than obsessing about it, focus on how you can improve in the future.

4. Focus on You

We all knew this one was coming.

I know you hate to hear it, but seriously, your ex’s communication should never dictate your happiness. Take this time to dive into activities that make you feel good, whether it’s hitting the gym, starting a new hobby, or hanging out with friends who actually appreciate you!

5. Keep Your Options Open

The fact that your ex ceased contact should not put your life on hold. Keep your options open and meet new people — or continue meeting them if you’re already in the dating game.

Hell, if you’re hardcore like me during my last breakup, experiment with acting as though your ex is never coming back. Because in the end, you deserve someone eager to be in your life, not someone unsure if they even want to be there.

So if your ex decides to hit you up, perhaps even come back, great. If not, you haven’t wasted time pining for someone who might not be worth it.

6. Give Your Ex Some Space

If your ex pulled back, it indicates they need space, and it’s crucial to respect that. So if you have already communicated your feelings, let them initiate further contact.

But don’t get me wrong. Waiting for them to reach out first is not about manipulation, but about respecting their boundaries and giving them the space they need to process their feelings. What’s more, this approach not only demonstrates self-respect but also can make you seem more attractive and reassuring to your ex.

That said, if you haven’t yet clearly communicated your feelings, do so now. But keep it brief and respectful. A simple message like, “I still have feelings for you and would like to see if we can reconnect,” should suffice.

After that, give them the space to answer. If your ex responds neutrally or unreceptively, back off (another phrase for this is “going no contact” — click here to read an entire guide about it). However, if they respond receptively, proceed to setting a date.

7. Set Dates When Your Ex Talks Again

When you hear from your ex again and they’re in a receptive state, have a short conversation. Maybe a 3-5 text message exchange or a five-minute phone call. Don’t rush, have fun, be human.

Then invite them out. Literally ask your ex out on a date. This is the ultimate test of interest. If they accept, you still have a chance. If they don’t, and they don’t provide a rain-check, you’re done — at least momentarily.

For an in-depth guide on setting dates with an ex, read this article: How To Get Your Ex Back And Actually Keep Them.

Final Thoughts

When your ex starts talking to you again but suddenly goes radio silent, it can feel as though you’ve missed your shot — like you won’t ever rekindle things.

And perhaps you won’t.

But will chasing after your ex, obsessing about your relationship, or beating yourself up about it help?

No, of course not. This stuff will only make you miserable and push your ex further away.

If there’s one thing you should remember from this article, it’s this: when your ex stops talking to you, don’t panic, overthink, or try to control the situation. Give them the time and space to restart the conversation on their own terms. Let them come to you when they’re ready.

Besides, when it comes to the initial phases of re-attraction — the phases prior to setting dates in particular — doing nothing is usually the most effective thing you can do.

Good luck.

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