Does My Ex Miss Me? (Hint: Yes, But It’s Not Like It Matters)

Most of my readers who want to rekindle their relationship want to know if their ex misses them post-breakup. And so, they keep emailing me questions like, “Does my ex miss me right now? How about later — will they miss me then?” “Will they miss me if I walk away completely?” and “Will they miss me if I stop talking to them for some time.”

With the recent influx of readers, getting back to every email became rather tedious. So here’s an article on the topic. In it, I’ll answer nearly every question people have about whether or not their ex misses them.

Ideally, people will stop sending me so many emails about this now. Let’s roll.

1. Does My Ex Miss Me At All?

The answer is yes; your ex certainly does miss you, at least a bit. And if they don’t, they’ll likely start sooner or later. It’s human nature. We’re wired to eventually miss what we value or have valued at some point.

But here’s the kicker: your ex missing you doesn’t really matter. I’d even go as far as to say the whole thing is woefully overrated.

Yes, you’ve read that right. While your ex missing you is what generally kickstarts their desire to get back together with you, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee it.

After all, sometimes a person misses their ex yet wants nothing to do with them. Maybe they’ve realized the relationship wasn’t healthy, or perhaps they’ve grown as individuals and no longer deem their ex compatible.

Understanding these things is crucial for your healing. Because God knows how easy it is to get caught up in the idea that if an ex misses you, it means you’ll eventually get back together.

One more time: your ex missing you doesn’t necessarily translate to wanting you back in. Etch this idea in your brain.

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2. On What Factors Does My Ex Missing Me Depend?

Here are some of the most common ones, listed in no particular order.

Nature of the breakup. If your breakup was expected, clear, mutual, and/or respectful, your ex will probably miss you more than if it ended bitterly, abruptly, or without a clear resolution.

Time since the breakup. If your breakup happened a week ago, your ex will probably miss you more than if it happened years ago.

Attachment style. If your ex has an anxious attachment style, meaning they have an excessive need for closeness and validation, they will probably miss you more than if they had an avoidant attachment style, characterized by an excessive need for space and independence.

Compatibility. If you and your ex have your goals, beliefs, and personal values adequately aligned, they will probably miss you more than if you were going your separate ways while having polar opposite beliefs about how the world works.

New relationships. If your ex is still single and not dating anyone, they will probably miss you more than if they were in a new relationship or found massive dating success.

Communication habits. If you and your ex don’t interact, they will probably miss you more than if you stayed in touch and kept those memories fresh.

Major life changes. Moving to a new city, changing careers, or experiencing massive personal growth — these can all impact your ex’s tendency to miss you, either for better or worse.

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3. How Long Does It Take My Ex To Miss Me?

Your ex can start showing signs of missing you already a week or two post-breakup. They might shoot you a text, give you a ring, or even haunt your social media with likes. More on these signs later.

But don’t get it twisted — these crumbs don’t mean they’re ready to jump back into your arms. In fact, if you try to talk to them about reconciling within that first or second-week post-breakup, they will likely become unreceptive to the idea. Not to mention cold and stand-offish. There’s always the odd exception, of course, but don’t bank on being one.

Now, for some actual data.

I’ve dug deep into reconciliation recently, and it turns out that, on average, it takes two exes 2.56 months of missing each other before they start thinking about getting back together. So expect them to start missing you roughly two months post-breakup.

For those interested in how I got this data, it’s from a survey I conducted this year. You can check out an in-depth analysis of the results here: How Long Does It Take An Ex To Come Back (The Exact Answer).

4. For How Long After The Breakup Does My Ex Miss Me?

According to the same survey referenced above, expect your ex to miss you for up to about five months following the breakup. After that 5-month mark, the odds of reigniting that old flame drop significantly. After all, most people start moving on by then, missing their ex less and less.

Still, this estimate has a lot of caveats.

If your ex is a classic codependent or someone with an anxious attachment style — or simply lots of codependent and/or anxious tendencies — they are more likely to miss you even past our 5-month mark.

The same goes if your relationship lasted for years, you already lived together and/or you passed all the more significant milestones like having kids, buying a house/flat, or getting married.

Same story if this was your ex’s first serious relationship, they’re below 30 and/or have only a handful of sexual experiences.

These are all instances where your ex is likely (although not guaranteed) to miss you way past our typical five-month marker. Which goes to show the complexity of relationships and how getting a precise prediction about how anyone will feel after a breakup is fundamentally impossible.

5. When Will My Ex Start Missing Me Enough To Do Something About It?

When people ask this question, what they’re really asking is, “When will my ex miss me enough to come back?” So the concern isn’t about an ex doing anything; the concern is about an ex doing a very specific action: asking for another shot.

If that’s you — if you’re someone waiting for your ex to give you another shot — then I have some bad news. Even if that happens, you likely won’t get back together. And even if you do, you probably won’t stay together long.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you already know this. That said, for those uninitiated, the odds of your ex coming back and actually staying with you are just 15% on average. There are competitor statistics that back this up, and, of course, my own.

Despite the disheartening statistics, however, there is a sunny side to the sorrow. A side I keep bringing up over and over again…

… You can always find someone just as attractive, intelligent, health-conscious, or whatever you look for in a partner. Not only that, you can also find someone who is, unlike your ex, 100% able, ready, and willing to get into a relationship with you.

6. What Are The Signs My Ex Misses Me?

The signs your ex misses you are almost identical to those indicating an ex will eventually return. Keep note of this.

But anyhow, here are some of the biggest ones, listed in no particular order. The more of them you notice, the more likely it is that your ex misses you. Simple as that.

1. They reach out. Assuming you’re in no contact, if your ex reaches out for any reason unrelated to logistics (children, pets, living arrangements, work, shared possessions, etc.), there’s a good chance they miss you.

2. They’re excited to hear from you. There’s a lot you can pick up from someone’s tone. If your ex is eager to talk to you, it’s a sign that they miss you. But if they’re cold and detached and you can see that you’re irritating them, it’s a sign they don’t.

3. They keep up with your friends and family. Meaning, your ex asks them how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and perhaps even if you’re seeing anyone else.

4. They keep bumping into you. This means your ex goes to venues where they could “accidentally” bump into you. So if you keep seeing them wherever you go, know that it may not be a coincidence.

5. They propose being friends with benefits. Whether your ex suggests this directly (“let’s be friends with benefits”) or indirectly (“let’s continue seeing each other, but no strings attached”), they likely still miss you.

6. They’re forcing a friendship. An obvious sign your ex misses you. Just note that if they propose it only once, they’re probably just letting you down gently. Also note, don’t accept friendship if you want your ex back.

7. They try to make you jealous. If your ex seems to be going out of their way to show off how great their new partner is or how fun life is without you, especially through social media or mutual friends, they might be trying to get a reaction out of you because they miss you. Otherwise, why try and provoke you? If they didn’t feel anything for you, they’d ignore you.

7. What Are The Signs My Ex Does Not Miss Me?

Analogously to what I wrote above, in the previous section, the signs your ex doesn’t miss you are almost identical to those indicating an ex won’t return. And equally important!

But anyhow, here are some of the most glaring ones, listed in no particular order. The more of them you notice, the more likely it is that your ex does not miss you. Yet again, simple as that.

1. They don’t reach out. If you’re in no contact and your ex makes no effort to reach out for any reason, it likely means they have moved on.

2. They already told you to move on. Sometimes your ex will tell you this directly. Other times they’ll be more covert about it and say, “Maybe it’s time you should focus on yourself.” Regardless, it’s a big sign they’re done with you.

3. They’re constantly giving you the cold shoulder. Your ex’s tone and demeanor can reveal a lot about their feelings. So if they seem uninterested, distant, or cold during interactions, it’s a sign that they don’t miss you.

4. They show no interest in meeting up. Self-explanatory. A lack of desire to spend time with you suggests they don’t really miss you.

5. They don’t engage with your social media. Meaning they give no likes, leave no comments, never view your stories, etc.

6. Your friends have all told you to move on. In which case, they’re probably right and should listen to them. Believe me, they probably have a better idea of where you stand with your ex than you. After all, their heads aren’t clouded with emotions.

7. They return your stuff. Be it your belongings or the gifts you gave them. The theory goes that the fewer things your ex has, the fewer reasons they have to reconnect, indicating they don’t want to reconnect in the first place.

8. How Can I Get My Ex To Miss Me More?

If you’re interested in getting your ex to miss you more, it’s all about self-improvement. For a more detailed exploration of the topic, you can read through various articles linked here, here, here, and here.

But for brevity’s sake, focus on the following:

• Cutting communicating with your ex (unless you need to go over logistical stuff like kids, pets, a shared work project, living arrangements, and so on).
• Getting quality sleep, lots of healthy foods, plenty of exercise, and maintaining good personal hygiene.
• Having meaningful work and a stable financial life.
• Socialising with friends and family (more often than usual).
• Taking time off for travel, hobbies, and other fun activities, especially if you’re overworked.
• Experimenting with meditation, journaling, gratitude practices, yoga, qi-gong, therapy, and so on.
• Showing indifference, not spite or immaturity (i.e., showing off how great you’re doing just to make your ex jealous).

As you can see, getting your ex to miss you more has much more to do with yourself than them. It’s simple, really. The idea is to invest in yourself so much that your ex can’t help but notice you. So go and do that. Try it out and see what happens.

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