I get it. You’re curious about the signs your ex will never come back so you can better determine if your relationship is salvageable. No one wants to waste time rekindling things that are fated to stay frozen forever, after all.
I applaud your efforts, but here’s something you need to hear: the more you care about these signs — as well as your ex’s return in general — the likelier it is that you’ll damage both the chances of rekindling your relationship as well as your mental health.
On the one hand, obsessive care could lead you to panic. And panic could lead to making dumb mistakes that only scare your ex away, perhaps into someone else’s arms. On the other hand, it could lead to degraded happiness, health, productivity, and even self-esteem.
That said, don’t take this the wrong way.
It’s caring too much about the signs your ex won’t come back that’s the problem — not the simple awareness of these signs. So before I tackle how to not care about them to an unhealthy degree, here’s how they look.
A no-nonsense guide for thoughtful people who want reconciliation without manipulation, games, or fake behavior — just authentic growth and deep psychological understanding.
Order Your CopyThe Reality: Most Exes Don’t Come Back
Before we dive into the signs, let’s get real about the statistics. According to my survey of 4000+ people, only 32% of exes get back together, and only 18% of those stay together long-term. That means roughly 6% of broken relationships result in lasting reconciliation.
Put another way: 94% of breakups are permanent.
I’m not telling you this to crush your hope — I’m telling you this so you can make informed decisions about where to invest your emotional energy. If your ex is showing multiple signs from this list, you’re likely in that 94%. Accept it, grieve it, and move forward.
For those interested, read more here: How Often Do Exes Get Back Together (Exact Survey Results).
This cheat sheet lays out a simple yet potent approach to mending a relationship — one rooted in raw authenticity that respects both your dignity and that of your ex.
Get The Free Cheat SheetSigns Your Ex Will Never Come Back
These signs can appear in various forms, some subtle and others more obvious. Below are a few that I found most common and revealing. Be mindful of them. While not necessarily guarantees for failure, the more of these signs your ex displays, the likelier it is that they won’t come back.
1. Your Ex Told You To Move On
Sometimes they’ll tell you this directly, without much consideration for your feelings. Other times, they’ll want to be polite about it, so they’ll use softer statements like “You deserve someone better,” “I’m just not good enough for you, so you should let me go,” or “Maybe it’s time to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.”
2. Your Ex Doesn’t Communicate With You
Perhaps they cut contact and completely ignore you. Same story when your ex blocks you. These are all signs they probably won’t come back. And while occasionally these reactions are merely a result of an avoidant attachment style, usually they mean that your ex just doesn’t like you anymore.
3. Your Ex Keeps Refusing To See You
Often accompanied by clear communication of disinterest and emotional unavailability, these refer to consistent rejections from your ex when you’ve made sincere efforts to get them on a date. Sometimes the rejections are upfront, like when they tell you that they don’t want to go out with you. Other times they’re subtle, like when they give an excuse like how they’ll call you back next week and you can arrange something then — but they never do.
4. Your Ex Removed Every Trace Of You From Social Media
If your ex unfollowed you from everywhere, deleted all public pictures with you in them, and completely revamped their social media profiles to where there’s not a crumb of your dead relationship revealed, it’s safe to say they don’t want you back anymore.
5. Your Ex Shows Negative Social Cues And Body Language
For instance, they face away from you, keep their arms crossed, make their responses short and cold, are stand-offish and defensive, and rarely smile, make eye contact, laugh, or touch you.
6. Your Ex Speaks Badly About You
Whether we’re talking about gossip, the spread of false rumors, insults, character attacks, scapegoating, defamation, public shaming, sharing private information, stereotyping, or doxing — these are not only signs your ex won’t come back, they’re also clear indicators you shouldn’t take them back. Have enough self-respect to cut assholes from your life, even when you still love them.
7. Your Ex Doesn’t Care If You’re Seeing Someone Else
Meaning they show no signs of jealousy, frustration, or concern upon learning that you’re dating someone else. The more indifferent your ex seems, the likelier it is that they won’t return. Pretty self-explanatory.
8. Your Ex Completely Changes Their Life Trajectory
Meaning they drop any major plans you perhaps made and cobble together new ones, none of which include you. These could be related to relocating, pursuing new career opportunities, or even getting ready mentally and emotionally for new relationships.
9. Your Mutual Friends Tell You To Let Your Ex Go
Mutual friends usually have a much better idea of where you stand with your ex than you. After all, they’re not blinded by love nor neediness. So if they advise you to move on, you can rest assured your ex is done and you should follow their advice.
10. Your Ex Returns Your Stuff
Be that clothes, trinkets, photos, whatever. The theory goes that the fewer of your belongings your ex has, the less need there is to check up on you and ask about what to do with them in the future. And the lower the odds of a check up, the lower the odds of accidentally making an opening for you, which you could then leverage to try and mend things.
11. You Go Long-Distance
If your ex moved far away from you or vice versa — far being relative to the individual’s free time and financial means — re-attraction probably won’t work out. To rekindle things, you need to eventually meet your ex in-person and start dating them. This clearly can’t happen when you’re miles apart.
12. Your Ex Wants To Be “Just Friends”
Don’t fall for it. The only reason your ex proposes friendship post-breakup is because they want to let you down gently and avoid hurting you even more. More importantly, however, don’t accept it. For the best chance at reuniting, you’ve got to be clear that it’s romance or you’re simply not interested (see: The Complete Guide To Being Friends With An Ex).
13. Your Ex Is Dating Someone New
If this happened right after the breakup, it could mean that they’re in a rebound relationship and are only using the other person to avoid their pain. Thankfully, these relationships rarely last. However, if your ex found someone new, say, months after you parted, it’s likely a result of getting over you. If that’s the shit sandwich you’re stuck in, go find someone else yourself. Because you’re probably not gonna see your ex return.
14. Your Ex Is Actually Enjoying Themselves
Meaning, they made peace with the breakup, started dating and socializing more, and took a plunge into all these cool new experiences and novel adventures. Now while probably the least influential sign an ex won’t come back, it’s still one worth remembering.
15. Your Ex Is Married/Getting Married
Need I say more? Never involve yourself in these situations, even if your ex is willing to cheat.
16. You Have A Strong Gut Feeling
I know this sign has been regurgitated across virtually every other breakup advice blog, but fuck it — it’s important and most people overlook it. So here goes — if you can intuitively sense your ex doesn’t want you back, you’re probably right.
17. Your Ex Has Been In A Serious Relationship For 6+ Months
Not a rebound anymore — if they’ve been with someone for half a year or more, they’ve likely built real emotional investment elsewhere. People don’t stay in relationships that long out of convenience; there’s genuine connection happening. Unless they reach out explicitly wanting to reconcile (which is rare and messy), accept they’ve moved on.
18. Your Ex Introduces Their New Partner To Friends/Family
This is a major commitment signal. People don’t bring casual flings around their inner circle. If your ex is integrating someone new into their life at this level, they’re building a future that doesn’t include you. This goes double if they introduced the new person to mutual friends or even your own family members.
19. Your Ex Acts Annoyed or Irritated When You Contact Them
Not just cold or indifferent — actively annoyed. They sigh when they see your name, give one-word responses dripping with frustration, or explicitly tell you to stop reaching out. This hostility means they’ve moved past sadness into resentment, which is much harder to come back from than simple disinterest.
20. Your Ex Never Asks About You Through Mutual Friends
If months pass and your ex shows zero curiosity about your life — not asking friends how you’re doing, who you’re dating, or what you’re up to — they’re genuinely indifferent. People who still have feelings can’t help but be curious. Complete lack of curiosity means complete lack of interest.
21. Your Ex Makes Major Life Decisions Without Any Consideration Of You
They accept a job across the country, buy a house in a different city, enroll in a multi-year program, or make other huge commitments that make reconciliation logistically impossible. When someone plans their entire future without even a thought of you fitting into it, they’re done.
22. Your Ex Has Told Multiple People You’re “Crazy” or Painted You As The Bad Guy
If your ex is spinning the narrative to make you the villain to everyone who will listen, they’re not coming back — they’re justifying their decision to leave and building a case for why they should never return. People rewriting history like this are cementing their choice in their mind.
23. Your Ex Immediately Cut Off All Your Shared Activities/Subscriptions
They removed you from Netflix, Spotify, gym membership, whatever immediately after the breakup. This isn’t about saving money — it’s about severing all connection points. Someone keeping you on shared accounts still sees you as part of their life; someone cutting everything is making a clean break.
24. Your Ex Seems Relieved When They See You’ve Moved On
Instead of jealousy or sadness when they learn you’re dating someone, they seem genuinely happy for you or relieved. This is the ultimate sign they’re done — they want you to move on because they already have, and your happiness with someone else removes any lingering guilt they felt.
How Many Signs = It’s Really Over?
Here’s how to interpret what you’re seeing:
- 1-3 signs: Could go either way. Don’t panic yet, but be realistic.
- 4-6 signs: They’re probably not coming back. Start focusing on moving on.
- 7-10 signs: They’re definitely not coming back. Accept reality and let go.
- 10+ signs: It’s completely over. Stop torturing yourself and move on for good.
The harsh truth? If you’re seeing even 3-4 of these signs consistently over several months, your ex isn’t coming back. Stop analyzing, stop hoping, and start healing.
What NOT To Do When You See These Signs
An online course that teaches you how to permanently get back with your ex through honesty, vulnerability, and proper self-improvement.
Get Instant AccessWhen you realize your ex isn’t coming back, your first instinct might be to panic and double down on trying to win them back. Don’t. Here’s what makes things worse:
- Don’t “fight harder” for them — desperation only confirms their decision to leave
- Don’t make grand gestures — showing up at their place, sending flowers, writing letters just creeps them out
- Don’t try to make them jealous — posting thirst traps or flaunting new dates looks pathetic when they’re already done
- Don’t beg for “one more chance” — if they wanted to give you one, they already would have
- Don’t send long emotional messages — they won’t read them, or worse, will show them to friends
- Don’t wait around indefinitely — “maybe someday” isn’t a plan, it’s denial
The only appropriate response when your ex clearly isn’t coming back is to accept it with dignity and move on. Anything else just embarrasses you and validates their decision to leave.
Read more about this here: 15 Common Ex-Back Mistakes To Steer Clear Of.
The Art Of Not Caring About Your Ex’s Return
Paradoxically, it’s only when you stop caring so much about your ex’s return that you actually raises the chances of getting them back. This largely happens because it’s through unconditional letting go and giving space that attraction proliferates, making your ex more likely to miss you and eventually reach out. From this point, you can invite them on a date and ignite the re-attraction process.
The other reason letting go and giving space is so useful is because it helps you avoid common ex-back mistakes like chasing and pursuing, begging and pleading, stalking and spying, breaking no contact, or showing up at your ex’s doorstep unannounced. Obviously, the less mistakes like these you make, the smoother re-attraction should go.
Okay, but how do you then actually start caring less about your ex’s return?
Simple.
Find something more meaningful than your ex’s return and focus on it wholeheartedly. This something can be anything — your physical health, another relationship, your career, a cause you believe in, or some life purpose.
As I alluded to earlier, the true beauty of this approach isn’t that it aids re-attraction. The true beauty is that it aids your relationship skills and mental health as well. For it’s stealing focus away from your ex that opens up more mental capacity, which you can then channel into a more productive direction.
For example, reflecting on why your relationship didn’t work out, what lessons you can learn from it, or whether or not you’ll need to overcome any emotional issues to eventually find more success in love.
And it’s because of this self-examination and improvement that often all your major life areas get better. These are areas like sleep, health, productivity, happiness, well-being, and so on.
Suddenly, we come full circle. Due to your overall relationship skills and moods elevating, as well as effectively improving any major life areas, you become more attractive. Consequently, getting back with your ex becomes easier.
(Optional) Top Questions About An Ex Never Coming Back
Will My Ex Ever Actually Come Back?
Probably not, as most exes don’t come back. And even when they do, the reformed relationship rarely lasts. Yet there’s a bright side to the shit-show. Now that you’re a proud member of Singledom, you stumbled your way into a bazillion opportunities to find new love. And if that’s not up your alley, you’re also free to go on an un-attached dating rampage. Sooner or later, you’ll either meet someone better than your ex and forget all about the past, never really looking back.
Why Won’t My Ex Come Back?
Your ex may not come back because of many reasons. Most commonly, past hurt, the belief that the breakup was necessary, your neediness, other potential mates they have available, or a lack of trust and respect for you.
What To Do If My Ex Never Comes Back?
Fucking live your life. You don’t need them to return, even if it often feels like it. Take up a new hobby, hang out with friends or family, travel somewhere, start a side business, read a good book, whatever. I know this is simple advice but it works.
How Do I Differentiate Between A Temporary And Permanent Breakup?
What are you, a mind reader? You’ll never know for sure — and whoever tells you otherwise is selling you bullshit. Wait and see what happens.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Hasn’t Moved On Yet?
Some common indicators — your ex keeps contacting you, it’s been months since the breakup and they haven’t started dating yet, they’re constantly talking about the past and reminiscing about your relationship, they’re intentionally trying to make you jealous, or they still have some of your belongings or refuse to return them (see: 30 Glaring Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back).
Should I Stay Friends With My Ex If I Suspect They Are Never Coming Back?
No. You’ll only prolong your healing by staying friends. Not to mention the potential drama and awkwardness you’ll invite into your life. To avoid these issues, only allow yourself to be friends with an ex when there are no shards of emotional baggage or the desire to get back together present on both sides.
How long should I wait before accepting my ex is never coming back?
If you’re seeing 4+ signs from this list and it’s been 3+ months with zero progress — no genuine reaching out, only cold/distant interactions, or complete silence — it’s time to accept reality. Some people wait years clinging to false hope, which only prolongs suffering. Give yourself a deadline: if nothing substantial changes in 3-6 months, they’re not coming back.
What if my ex is showing signs they won’t come back but also signs they will?
Mixed signals usually mean they’re confused, keeping you as a backup option, or letting you down gently. Pay attention to their actions over time, not isolated incidents. If the “won’t come back” signs outweigh the “will come back” signs, or if the positive signs are only Tier 3-4 (weak), they’re not coming back. Stop torturing yourself by overanalyzing mixed signals.
Can my ex’s feelings change after showing these signs?
Technically yes, but it’s rare. People who display multiple “never coming back” signs have usually made a firm decision and are moving forward with their life. While feelings can change over years due to major life events, betting on this happening is like buying a lottery ticket — possible but not probable. Don’t waste your life waiting for a miracle.
Should I try one last time if I see these signs?
No. If your ex is showing clear signs they’re done, “one last try” just makes you look desperate and confirms their decision. The only exception is if you genuinely fucked up (cheated, lied, abused) and haven’t yet given a proper apology — in that case, apologize once sincerely without expecting anything, then disappear forever. Otherwise, leave them alone.
What’s the difference between “giving them space” and “they’re never coming back”?
Space works when your ex needs time to process but hasn’t completely written you off. “Never coming back” means they’ve made a final decision and are actively moving on. If it’s been months of space with zero signs of softening, multiple “never coming back” indicators, or they’re in a serious new relationship, it’s not about space anymore — they’re done.
How do I stop hoping they’ll come back when I see these signs?
You accept that hope without action is just suffering in disguise. Shift your focus to something more important than your ex — your career, health, friendships, new relationships, personal growth. The goal isn’t to eliminate hope entirely (that’s impossible), but to redirect your energy toward things you can actually control. Eventually, as you build a life without them, the hope naturally fades.
This cheat sheet lays out a simple yet potent approach to mending a relationship — one rooted in raw authenticity that respects both your dignity and that of your ex.
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