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For years, I’ve helped many of you navigate the painful journey of trying to get an ex back. But recently, I had a revelation: the most successful ex-back stories were never about direct re-attraction. For example, responding to an ex in seemingly magnetic ways. They were about something far more fundamental: personal transformation.
And that’s when it clicked: ex-back advice really is just self-improvement in disguise. What I realized is that becoming more attractive and maximizing your chances of getting back with your ex largely boils down to an internal process, a shift in priorities, and self-perception.
So rather than focusing on changing one’s outer behavior (i.e., what you say, how you present yourself, how you move, etc.), it’s better to focus on mindset, emotional health, and beliefs. Once you improve those aspects, attractive behavior ensues without thinking about it, and your chances of reconciliation rise.
Think I’m full of shit? Here’s some food for thought.
Keep getting friend-zoned or rejected?
Stop submitting yourself to a position where you can get friend-zoned or rejected. To do this, stop reaching out to your ex, manage the needy tendencies propelling you to run after them, to try and prove yourself to them.
Expand your self-awareness to where you can notice how you come across. So whether you’re, for instance, constantly making yourself available or keep dropping everything when they reach out.
These behaviors signal nothing but desperation. Addressing and overcoming them should help you avoid or escape the friendzone and fend off rejections.
A guide that breaks through the noise to give a practical, no-nonsense view of what it means to be a healthy, attractive person capable of reconciling.
Order Your CopyEx keeps disrespecting you, stringing you along, using you?
Stop being a spineless idiot and assert some personal boundaries. In other words, stand up for yourself.
Call out disrespectful behavior immediately; don’t just silently accept it. If your ex is keeping you as a backup option, recognize it for what it is. Don’t accept breadcrumbs of attention or half-assed efforts at reconciliation. Your time and emotional energy are valuable resources — treat them that way.
And move the fuck on if your ex can’t treat you how you want to be treated.
An online course that teaches you how to permanently get back with your ex through honesty, vulnerability, and proper self-improvement.
Get Instant AccessFeeling overwhelmed and can’t quit obsessing over your ex?
Find something you care more about than getting them back. Something that excites you, something that feels significant and that imbues your life with meaning. Then pour yourself into that something.
It can truly be anything, even a combination of things: fighting for a cause or movement you believe in, investing in another relationship, excelling in your career, achieving mastery at a particular sport or skill, or flossing your cat.
Start small if you need to: join a gym, take a class, volunteer, or start that side project you’ve been putting off. The goal isn’t to forget your ex — it’s to build a life so fulfilling that they become optional, not essential.
Believe your ex is irreplaceable and that you’ll never love again?
Realize that you’re bullshitting yourself, that those beliefs are baseless, unjustifiable, and harmful. I mean, look at the evidence: billions of people have felt exactly like you do, and most of them found someone better. Your “soulmate” probably isn’t someone who chose to walk away from you.
Challenge these romantic myths that are keeping you stuck. Then work on dislodging them and acquiring new, more empowering beliefs. A good place to start is by simply asking yourself, “What if I’m wrong?” What if there are multiple potential great matches for me? What if this breakup is actually redirecting me toward someone more compatible?
Can’t stop seeking your ex’s validation and approval?
Spawn some self-respect. Don’t think about how to wow your ex next, inspire them to return, or get them to throw you a compliment or two.
Instead, ask yourself the hard questions: Why do you need their approval so badly? Or what are you trying to prove? Think about what your ex is doing for you — do they reciprocate your advances? Can you see they’re interested in you sexually? Are they really trying to help you mend your relationship?
Once you begin thinking with a bit more self-respect, act accordingly. Meaning that if your ex can’t give you what you want, you move on to someone who can.
Have difficulties gauging your ex’s interest and connecting with them?
Start hanging out with more people and dating around. As you do this, put an emphasis on developing your connecting and social skills like storytelling, relating, flirting, vulnerability, humor, and so forth.
But don’t just practice these skills mechanically — use them to genuinely connect with people. Each new interaction is an opportunity to learn about yourself and others. Pay attention to how different people respond to you, what works and what doesn’t. Then, take what you learned and apply it in the context of re-attraction, and you’ll surely get better results.
More importantly, you’ll develop a better sense of when someone is genuinely interested versus when they’re just being polite or using you for attention, sex, money, and so on.
Need I go on?
Maybe this self-improvement stuff doesn’t sound too sexy, but get yourself in order and re-attraction might just sort itself out. That, or you’ll realize your ex was actually a pretty unsuitable partner and that you should find someone who’s a better fit. Nothing wrong with either conclusion.
At the end of the day, this was never really about getting an ex back. It was about becoming someone who doesn’t need to chase after anyone who doesn’t want them. Someone who knows their worth and isn’t afraid to walk away from what doesn’t serve them. Someone who’s genuinely happy and fulfilled, with or without a relationship. That’s the person you should strive to become. That’s the person I want to help you become.
Because paradoxically, it’s becoming this person that will give you the best chance to mend your relationship. Or, if that doesn’t work out, to cultivate a new and improved relationship with someone else.
Need More Ex-Back Help?
- The Re-Attraction Cheat Sheet: free guide revealing my entire approach for getting an ex back — from start to finish.
- From The Inside Out: the honest, no-BS book that's helped thousands reunite with their ex while staying true to themselves.
- The Radical Re-Attraction Course: shows you how to master re-attraction. Includes hours of video and written content + downloads and exercises + a community and coaching.
From The Inside Out
