How To Build Better Boundaries

How To Build Better Boundaries

By Max Jancar | Published: January 15, 2024 | 3 Minute Read

As part of The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

Don’t shy away from asserting your boundaries when you’re not being treated the way you want to be treated.

Friend only calls when they need something from you? Stop answering their calls. Ex keeps disrespecting you on your date? Politely tell them to cut it out or else you’re going home — and then actually go home if they’re still being an ass. A new romantic interest rejects you after you ask them out? Have the self-respect to move on to someone new — someone who will value you.

If you set a boundary with a person and they leave, that’s fine. It means the boundary worked. The point of boundaries isn’t to “fix” your relationships but to shield your mental and emotional health from dysfunctional relationships.

Today’s Suggestion:

Take a minute to decide which behaviors you are willing to tolerate and which behaviors you are not willing to tolerate. Write it down somewhere. These are now your personal boundaries.

Then decide how you’ll respond to situations where someone crosses or tries to cross your boundaries and what the consequences will be.

Next, communicate your expectations clearly, respectfully, and without judgment.

Now the next time someone does cross your boundaries (i.e., they disrespect you, try to take advantage of you, attempt to trick or game you, etc.), act out those consequences. Maybe you end the call/date/interaction. Or you tell the other person to be more respectful. Or perhaps you kick their teeth in.

… Okay, no. That last one was a joke. Make sure the consequences for overstepped boundaries don’t involve physically hurting the other person.

Today’s Resource:

The Guide To Setting Healthy Boundaries With Your Ex — feel free to leverage the tips and principles outlined in this article with the new romantic interests you meet post-breakup as well.

New This Week:

I launched a podcast — you can check out the trailer by clicking here. I’ll probably release the first episode sometime next week.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. While I can’t respond to everyone, I do read everything.

Until next time,

Max Jancar

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