The Staggering Bullshit Of The “Get Your Ex Back” Gurus

If you searched Google for anything along the lines of “how to get my ex back,” you’ve probably come across a couple of these gurus already. I call them fake gurus.

These are people who pretend to be some big authority/expert when they’re not. These are people who tell you they know the secrets to re-attraction when there are none. These are people like Brad Browning, Clay Andrews, Chris Canwell, Chris Seiter, Dan Bacon, Alexandre Cormont (WMXA), Matthew Hussey, and Michael Fiore.

What bugs me about these fake gurus is that they’re getting out of control. They keep dishing out false promises, false hope, false everything. They charge abysmal prices for their shoddy services and products. Instead of solving problems for people, they prey on their vulnerabilities and exploit them for profit. And they keep giving the rest of us — legit breakup advice peeps — a bad rep.

At this point, someone really needs to call these people out on their bullshit. And it just so looks like that that’s going to be me.

The BS behind The Gurus #1: The Marketing

There are many issues with fake guru marketing. Below I’ve listed aspects of it that piss me off the most. Now if you’d even want to dive deeper into this topic, check out Coffezilla on YouTube. He uncovers and exposes fake gurus from all industries and shines light on their deceptive and predatory marketing tactics.

Content is just an ad in disguise

In the fake guru world, content is nothing but a traction engine. Its sole purpose is not to inform or provide valuable and honest information but to convert someone from being a reader/viewer/listener into a customer.

And while there’s nothing wrong with conversion-driven articles — I have a lot of them too — it is wrong when they’re solely conversion-driven instead of value-driven. Because at that point, they become unoriginal and drab. At worst, they turn into full-blown sales pitches. Again, nothing wrong with trying to sell shit, but making that the focal point of a piece of content irks me the wrong way.

Unrealistic product claims

You’ve got to raise an eyebrow when looking at some of the claims fake gurus stick onto their product pages:

I’ll teach you how to tap into your ex’s primal instincts, fire up her sex drive, and mold the image of you that she has in the back of her mind. Her panties will be dripping wet before you can say, “snufalufagus. (1)

My program contains a copy-paste scientifically-proven method that will bypass your ex-girlfriends/boyfriends logical brain center and send their emotions into overdrive so they will begin to crave you instantly! And yes, you can perform this secret method from the comfort of the keyboard of your phone, and even if you think there’s no hope for reconciliation and EVEN if your ex told you they don’t want to get back together! (2)

There is a way to win back your ex, and it works 99 out of every 100 times. Follow the advice in this audiobook, and I guarantee you’ll have him back in your life and back in your heart within a month. (3)

These “2 texts” make your ex obsessed with getting back together overnight. “Even if he isn’t responding to your call and messages. (4)

I’m sure as shit that sales copy like this sells bucketloads, but holy fucking Christ, is it unethical!

Spam emails galore

When you sign up for a fake guru’s newsletter, you don’t get valuable insights or even pitches promoting products worth purchasing. Fuck you, you get spam. Lots and lots of affiliate offer spam, like this:

Sales Copy That Insults your intelligence

One of the main ways fake gurus hook you into taking an interest in their service/product is by presenting you a story that a) paints a worse-than-it-is picture of your current situation, b) paints a better-than-it-is picture of your desired one, and c) strategically plots their service/product in the middle, acting as a vehicle that gets you from point A to B.

Here’s an example of how this looks:

“If you want your ex-boyfriend to reach out to you and ask you to take him back, oftentimes even to the point of begging and pleading, then get my XYZ right away before it’s too late… Because with every tick of the clock, it’s more and more likely you will lose him forever…

… more likely he will replace you with another woman…

… more likely he will lose even more attraction for you…

…. more likely he will see you as a blurry and distant memory…

But it really doesn’t have to be that way! If you utilize the techniques I’m going to show you, he’ll be able to remember how amazing things were with you. He’ll remember how it was when you two kissed. How it felt to hold your hand. And he’ll remember when and why he only wanted to be with you.” (6)

Devoid of exaggeration, this sales strategy would be totally ethical. It only gets unethical when the current and desired situation are overblown into oblivion as the example above shows.

The bullshit backstory

The bullshit backstory is a well-articulated but fabricated rags-to-riches story fake gurus tell you to gain your trust and build rapport. Here’s an example:

“Listen, I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been through my share of bad breakups… I also felt shocked, sorrowful, betrayed, and anxious. But then I found this [insert fake miracle cure here], and I got my ex back. In fact, not only did I get them back, but we made it work and are now, as I write this, still together, happier than ever, with a new house, a dog, and two and a half kids.”

This story has to essentially communicate how the fake guru explaining it faced the same problem their potential client is facing. Then they must articulate how they solved their problem and reached the conclusion their potential client is after with the help of whatever thing they’re selling.

Fake scarcity

What is scarce will always be perceived as more valuable than what is abundant. It’s a general law in human psychology. And fake gurus love to abuse it. That’s why they plaster their sales pages with phrases like:

• This video may be taken down soon – do NOT miss the end.
• The offer is limited.
• Spots are limited.
• Buy now! This is a flash sale and will end shortly.

There’s nothing wrong with using scarcity if you’re honest about it — if something is genuinely time or quantity limited. But as soon as you’re dishonest about it, you’re being an A-grade asshole, at least in my book.

Here. Let’s do something fun. Below are two pictures from the famous Matthew Hussey’s offer. One is recent; the other is about three years old. Can you spot the fake scarcity? Hint: Focus on the phase “This video may be taken down soon” just above the actual video.

For those interested in how I got the years-old website data, check out TheWayBackMachine. It’s a website that stores most previous versions of other websites and makes them accessible to the general public for free.

Bought And Forged Reviews

Never trust online product reviews, whether it’s about getting your ex back, making money online, cleaning your swimming pool, or crocheting. Most of the time, they’re either bought or forged.

Take a look at this website, for instance: MyLoveBack.org. A simple reverse image search shows you that all the pictures of the people who supposedly uploaded a testimonial are stock photos that anyone can buy via websites like ShutterStock. In other words, they’re not from real people who bought the digital product MyLoveBack.org is selling.

If you’re looking for genuine reviews about whether or not a certain digital product is legit, look up the actual stats and feedback of the business selling it on the Better Business Bureau. It’s also worth to take a gander at the discussions going on in relevant niche forums and subreddits.

Bough credibility

You’ve probably seen the label “As seen on: [insert fancy publication] ” on my homepage. Well, I worked hard to get featured in those publications. And there’s proof I was actually featured in them. Just type my name and the publication name in Google to find out for yourself.

Not to get on my moral high horse, but not everyone in this industry follows the same approach. Most fake gurus are notorious for buying their “As seen on labels” and faking their appearances. It’s actually easier than you’d think.

For example, you can literally buy your own Forbes article for 1000-1500$ on their own joke of a website. In fact, there’s a whole industry built on selling counterfeit credentials — all from testimonials, comments, subscribers, “as seen on,” and “best-selling author” labels.

For example, google Clint Arthur. He’s one of the biggest scammers in this field. He mainly sells fake Harvard speeches. Basically, you pay Clint a few grand, and you can record yourself giving a fake speech, to a fake audience, on a fake Harvard stage, next to sellout celebrities who were paid to be there with your money for boosting your clout.

The BS behind The Gurus #2: The Things They Teach

Like with fake guru marketing, there are also many issues with what they teach. Below are the sleaziest, most toxic, unethical, and ineffective pieces of their advice. For detailed counterarguments about why they don’t work (and shouldn’t!), refer to this, this, this, and this article.

Pre-prepared text messages

Let’s look at three of the most popular ones:

The Happy Memory/Best Of Text

The purpose of this texts is twofold. On the one hand, you’re reminding your ex of a good memory you had together. On the other, you’re using it as an excuse to break the silence between you. Here’s are two examples.

Hey, I just saw a really cool movie that reminded me of the time we went out to the cinema for the first time to watch that crappy Adam Sandler movie. Remember how much we laughed back then?

Remember the time we jumped in that golf cart and rode it down the pavement, just a few steps from your parent’s house? I remember how scared we both were and laughed uncontrollably when we hit bottom and realized we were safe. That look you gave me was priceless.

The Jealousy Text

The purpose of the jealousy text is, as the name implies, to spark jealousy in your ex. Here are two examples:

Hey, mind reminding me where that lovely restaurant we went on our third date is? I invited a friend to come with me, but I forgot the exact address?

A friend and I just went to the cinema and saw Crazy, Stupid, Love. Great movie. Pretty romantic, even. Try watching it. I think you’ll like it.

The Stressful Situation Text

The stressful situation text is used as a form of faux support when you know your ex is going through a difficult period in their life. It’s basically emotional manipulation at its finest — primarily because the intention when sending a text like this is to come up with an excuse to talk to your ex, and not really not connect with them as a person. Here’s an example:

I know you’re probably feeling stressed right now, with the finals coming and all. But I’m sure you’ll do great! You got this. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you…

The Pre-Prepared Letters

If the above text message examples made you nauseous, look at these cheesy handwritten letters fake gurus recommend you send to your ex to get them back.

The Last Resort Letter

This letter is meant to gauge your ex’s interest and help you find out whether or not they still like you. In it, you’re instructed to write about how you already moved on and found someone new BUT would still love to “stay in contact” because your ex means oh-so much to you. Basically, lie to the person you love. Cool.

Here’s an example from Brad Browning’s infamous X-Factor Guide:

“This is a letter you probably would never expect from me since we haven’t spoken in forever… but I’d like to thank you for being in my life. Much has changed since we’ve broken up. I found somebody new, and everything has been fantastic. I know it sounds weird, but being with you has helped me realize everything I’ve been missing…but I completely valued the time we were together.

I just want you to know that I’m completely over us…and although I’m glad it’s over between us, I think it would be a shame if we just never spoke to each other again. You make such a great friend!

If you feel inclined to reach out to me, you know how to contact me.”

The Love/Apology Letter

In this letter, you’re instructed to write your ex a sappy apology where you point out all the ways you’ve acted disrespectfully, explain how you learned and grown from your mistakes, and ask them if they ever want to see you again. Basically, act like a desperate little bitch. Sick.

Here’s an excerpt of this letter from Alexandre Cormont’s 49$ pamphlet, 70 Pro Tips To Get Her Back:

“Sadly, I understood this all far too late. Worst of all, I thought it was your fault. I know some of my words and actions hurt you, and I’m sorry for that, but I think you know me well enough to know that was never my intention. I acted this way because I was unable to control my emotions and think about the consequences of my actions. At first, I didn’t want to write this letter, mainly because of pride, but also because I respect your decision.

Even more so since I know how difficult of a decision this was to make. But I have been telling myself to let go of pride and act. And this is the first step. You know (Her name), I never choose to be attracted to you, but you attracted me. You are a loving, fearless woman with an enormous amount of courage and worth. This is a fact, a reality that I understand when I think back on when we first met or on any point in our relationship really.”

Reverse psychology and playing hard to get

Reverse psychology is a technique that involves getting someone to engage in a desired action or response by suggesting the opposite. It’s one of the most common techniques in a fake guru’s repertoire. It’s when you’re instructed to tell your ex stuff like: “I think our breakup up was a good idea. I wish you well,” when, in reality, you don’t believe it was a good idea and are just lying to make them feel guilty so they take you back.

As sad as it sounds, reverse psychology occasionally works. It’s just not a fun or fulfilling achievement to get an ex back with it, nor does it lead to a healthy relationship.

Tangentially to reverse psychology, there’s also playing hard to get. It’s a mentality where you always say or do something you normally wouldn’t say or do to get your ex to like you more. Here are a few examples that spring to mind:

• Ending the conversations with your ex on purpose, so you leave them wanting more of it.
• Acting indifferent when you’re actually a fucking emotional mess.
• Intentionally sending text messages of smaller size than those of your ex to avoid looking needy.
• Trying to keep your conversation twiddling around “safe topics” and never risking being vulnerable.
• Purposefully acting mysterious and answering your ex’s questions with vague and shallow answers.
• Reaching out to your ex and then ignoring them on purpose — a.k.a., playing hot and cold.

No Contact As Manipulation

According to the fake guru definition (not to be mistaken for my definition), no-contact is a technique where you ignore your ex for a set time. Usually somewhere between 21 to 90 days, depending on the guru you’re learning from. There are exceptions to this rule for when you live with your ex, have kids, or work together, but more or less, the goal is always the same: ignore them as much as possible, so they start missing you.

To pull a quote from Chris Seiter’s No Contact Rule Book:

The No Contact Rule: A period of time in which you ignore your Ex, DELIBERATELY, in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase any bad feelings they have towards you; while simultaneously providing yourself an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

Now I won’t comment how stupid you must be to believe you’ll “erase” your ex’s bad feelings for you by ignoring them or how dysfunctional and self-disrespecting this type of advice is — primarily because I already took a stab at the critique in this article. But I will say that this sadly is the overarching definition of the no contact rule across most “get your ex back” websites.

The BS behind The Gurus #3: The False Hope

There are a lot of lies out there about the chances of getting an ex back. Most fake gurus tackle this issue by making the whole feat seem easy peasy, turd-in-a-toilet-bowl easy.

Chris Seiter promises a 70% success rate at getting an ex back if you buy and follow his program. Dan Bacon promises an 80% success rate. Brad Browning, 90%. And Chris Canwell, arguably the biggest charlatan of them all, promises 96%. And then there are hundreds of other gurus, hidden in some shady and obscure corner of the Internet, preaching even loftier success rates. (7) (8) (9) (10)

Look, all those percentages right, those happy hippo chances of yours? They are complete fabrications. I’m talking absolute hogwash. Utter lies pulled straight from the depths of egotistical, greedy, and morally corrupt assholes. The only reason gurus tell you that there’s some exceptionally high chance you’ll get your ex back is because it sells better.

So just for the fun of it, here are the real numbers and facts behind three studies on how often exes come back that I see plastered across every “get your ex back” website, and reveal how fake gurus distort and misrepresent them for profit. The studies are as follows:

1. The Journal of Adolescent Research: Relationship Churning in Emerging Adulthood: On/Off Relationships and Sex with an Ex. (11)
2. The Journal of Social Psychology: On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: What Keeps Partners Coming Back? (12)
3. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: “It’s complicated:” the continuity and correlates of cycling in cohabiting and marital relationships. (13)

If you open up and skim through these three studies, you’d conclude the chances of getting your ex back are somewhere around 50%. Not bad, right? Well, there’s only one problem… You’re focusing on the wrong studies. If you examine them thoroughly, you’ll notice they’re irrelevant to the odds of getting your ex back.

Here’s what I mean: these famous studies are only applicable to on/off relationships — relationships that are inherently more inclined to breaking up and getting back together compared to healthy, non-on/off relationships that most people reading my blog cultivated.

And to twist the knife even deeper, a fact about these studies that’s always conveniently omitted in fake guru blogs is that they all propose getting back with an ex is a horrible idea. Even Amber Vellum, the author of one of the most extensive reconciliation studies in the world, argues against reconciliation. And no, her comment applies not solely to on-off relationships but all relationships. (14) (15)

Don’t get back together. Study after study shows that when our relationships are poor, we don’t function well. If it seems necessary to get back together, make sure the decision is carefully considered by both people and that specific efforts are made to establish clarity.” — Amber Vellum (16)

So what are the actual chances of getting your ex back? Here they are, in the flesh: only 30% of exes come back, and only 15% of rekindled couples actually stay together for good. (17)

Looking At The Bright Side Of The Turd

I’m not one to cancel someone because I don’t like what they’re saying. But I am all about spreading awareness. And this was the whole point of my article: not to cancel the infamous fake gurus, but to help you become more aware of them and their bullshit so you don’t get scammed.

But now I want to end this article on a high note. Yes, there are a lot of conmen in the “get your ex back” space. But there are also a lot of ethical and genuine people in it who give healthy advice.

These are people like Craig Kenneth, Corey Wayne, The Dating Guy, Rory from The Love Chat, and Jack from Men’sBreakup. These are the people you should be learning from. These are the people who seem to actually care.

This article is under fair use. Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research. Also, this article is an opinion and in no way should be construed as statements of fact. Scams, bad business, and fake gurus are subjective terms that mean different things to different people.

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly Q&A calls, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.