The BS behind "How To Get Your Ex Back" Gurus | Max Jancar

The Staggering Bullshit Of “Get Your Ex Back” Gurus

By Max Jancar | Last Updated: December 27, 2020

ex back gurus

This article is being updated as of this week. My recommendation: read it next week when it’s refreshed with more in depth, up-to-date info and more polished writing. Love you all. 

Okay, let’s cut the crap. The “how to get your ex back” online experts are getting out of control. They exploit the vulnerabilities of brokenhearted people so that they buy their overhyped and shoddy products. And they give the rest of us, legit breakup advice bloggers, a bad rep.

It’s all too much. I believe someone needs to call these people out on their chicanery at this point. And it just so looks that I’m going to be that someone.

So here’s what I have planned for this article.

First, I will expose the unscrupulous marketing ploys, the “get an ex back” experts use, so you buy their products. Then, I will cover the manipulative techniques they teach inside their programs and explain how they can actually hurt your chances of winning your ex back. Let’s get to it.

An overview of the “How to get your ex back” experts and their online programs

Maybe you’re asking yourself, who exactly are these “how to get your ex back” experts that I keep hearing about?

If you searched anything along the lines of getting an ex back, you’ve probably already noticed them, be that through a blog post, a podcast episode, or a youtube video. These are people like Brad Browning, Chris Canwell, or Alexandre Cormont with their 47/49$ eBooks. Or Chris Seiter with his immature ninja technique-course, and Matthew Hussey with his Five-Step Plan to Get Your Ex Running Back to You. And don’t even get me started on people like Michael Fiore with his “text your ex back” program.

Note: From here on out, I will refer to these (self) proclaimed experts as gurus or fake gurus.

While I understand that not all of the people who teach how to get an ex back fall into the same scumbucket, most sadly do.

The funny thing about these “how to get your ex back” programs is that they all carry more or less the same ideas, processes, and techniques: leverage no contact, work on yourself, initiate a conversation with your ex at some point, set a date with them, seduce, rekindle the love. Here’s their general structure in detail:

1. start with no-contact

For those who don’t know, no-contact is a technique where you refrain from contacting your ex in any way, shape, or form for a set time. Be that, 30, 60, or sometimes even 90 days. The goal of no-contact is to either make your ex miss you more or to recover faster – or both.

So during no contact, you don’t call your ex, you don’t message them, you don’t engage with their social media posts. Hell, you don’t even wish them a happy birthday.

And if you, by any chance, still live with your ex or have a kid together, you keep your communication short, to the point, and business-like. People call this technique “modified no contact.”

2. Work on yourself during No-contact

After you implement the no-contact technique into your life, the “how to get your ex back” programs supply you with several ways to become a better version of yourself during this time of silence:

3. Initiate a conversation with your ex

After the no-contact period is over, the next step is to engage your ex in a conversation with the aim of getting them on a date.

Luckily the “get your ex back” programs got you covered; they supply you with a plethora of cringe-worthy pre-prepared text messages, scripts, and techniques for getting your ex to respond to you and to stay responsive. (We’ll go over those techniques in detail later.)

4. The first date and beyond

After you get your ex on a date with all your cute ninja techniques, you have an easy opportunity to rebuild the attraction, rekindle the love, and cultivate a revitalized and hopefully sturdier relationship with them. Or at least, that’s what you’re told to believe.

The bs behind “How to get your ex back” gurus #1: The Shady Marketing

Let me give you a few insights into how the shady part of the “get your ex back” industry – and just about any other faulty online industry – works.

1. Content is just an ad in disguise

When I say content, I’m mostly referring to blog posts and youtube videos. In the fake guru world, these pieces exclusively serve to convert viewers and readers to customers.

By that, I mean that they deliver just enough information to get you hooked on the fake guru’s product, but still not enough to enable you to solve your problem – get your ex back.

Let me put this differently. Most “get your ex back” gurus prefer to deliver a short, vague and lifeless piece of content with a deafening sales pitch at the end as opposed to a valuable, original, and helpful counterpart.

Here’s an example of your typical sleazy sales pitch you would hear by the end of a fake gurus’ content piece:

“If you want to know exactly how to get your ex to love you like crazy again, be sure to check out my XYZ online program/course that teaches you a scientifically proven step-by-step process on how to do just that, quick and easy! Just click the link/button below to get started right now!”

Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing inapt or unethical with having a sales pitch in your content, but it becomes inapt and unethical when the pitch is unrealistic, and the content in which it resides is a sloppily put together hodgepodge of unoriginal information.

2. Unrealistic product claims

You have to raise an eyebrow when looking at some of the claims these fake gurus pierce on their product pages. I mean, just take a look at these surreal bombshells:

Now let’s take a moment to unpack this last claim from Matthew Hussey so you can get a better idea of why these claims are written the way they are written.

The first sentence aims to convince you that the gurus’ method for getting your ex back is proven to work quickly, while the second sentence aims to convince you that you can apply it and get your desired result (your ex back) without any real strain and even in a worst-case scenario.

In essence the reason for this kind of claim structure is to persuade you that getting your ex back would be easy as pie, if you just bought the fake gurus’ program.

3. spam emails galore

When you sign up for a gurus newsletter, you don’t get valuable insights – god, no! You get spam. Lot’s and lot’s of spam, like this:

how to get your ex back

Source: Michael Fiore email newsletter

Put differently, instead of sending you useful content, fake gurus barrage you with sales pitches for their newest products, or they push affiliate offers down your throat; These are regularly just additional cash grab schemes.

4. Preying on the insecurities of the brokenhearted

One of the main ways a fake guru hooks you into taking an interest in their offer/product is by presenting you a story that, on the one hand, paints a bleak picture of your current situation and then paints one of your desired one. In the end, the guru presents their product as the vehicle that gets you from your current situation to your desired one.

Now it’s easy to misunderstand this concept, so let me clarify a few things.

There’s nothing wrong if you’re presenting your potential customer how you can get them from point A to point B with integrity and morals (by describing their situation in a down to earth way). Just look at my sales pages. I don’t want to brag, but they are a solid example of ethical copywriting and selling.

However, where copy and sales get immoral is when you begin to crank up a person’s pain and prey on her or his fears and insecurities, so they buy your stuff. This is what fake gurus do. They don’t realistically describe the potential clients’ current and desired situation; they distort and exaggerate it:

Here are two examples to illustrate what I mean. The first is from a video sales pitch by Chris Seiter and the second is from Coach Lee’s website:

Example 1: (current situation)

“Do you remember the way your ex-boyfriend looked at you, like are the only thing that mattered to him, the way he would hold you close, leaving in a tempting and teasing you with his clever little smirk? The way his warm and gentle kisses would give you a spine-tingling sensation that you’ve never felt before.”

Example 2: (desired situation)

“If you want your ex boyfriend to reach out to you and ask you to take him back, often times even to the point of begging and pleading, then get my XYZ right away before it’s too late… Because with every tick of the clock, it’s more and more likely you will lose him forever…

… more likely he will replace you with another woman…

… more likely he will lose even more attraction for you…

…. more likely he will see you as a blurry and distant memory…

But it really doesn’t have to be that way!

If you utilize the techniques I’m going to show you, he’ll be able to remember how amazing things were with you. He’ll remember how it was when you two kissed. How it felt to hold your hand. And he’ll remember when and why he only wanted to be with you.”

5. the bullshit backstory

A bullshit backstory is just a well-articulated rag to riches story that a fake guru tells you, which gets you to trust and connect with them:

“Listen, I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been through my share of bad breakups…”

“I know what you are going through. Since you are on this page, I know that you are feeling shock, sorrow, betrayal, and anxiety. And I can tell you that I have also felt the loss and panic that you are experiencing right now because of this breakup.”

At its core, this story has to communicate how the person describing it was at some point in their life in your shoes, but still got the outcome you yearn for – a.k.a, he or she got their ex back.

Another variant of the rag to riches story could be related to a successful client who was in your shoes but still got the results you want, due to the experts’ product or service. Here’s an example of what I mean:

“Marshal has been in the same place you are right now. Heartbroken and depressed, with an urgent desire to repair things with his ex. He tried everything to get her back, but nothing worked. In the end, he was close to putting a bullet in his head until he came across [insert fake guru product] that got his ex back and changed everything for him.

8. inflated pricing

Inflated pricing is another cunning techniques fake gurus use to get their products to sell like hotcakes. In essence, they state that they’re usually giving away their course for, let’s say, 97$, but just for you – just for a limited time – they will sell it for only 47$.

But what people don’t understand is that their product was always selling at a lower price. The discount is a falsification to get you to open up your wallet.

9. Bonus stacks

Another trick the fake gurus use is bonus stacks, which refers to additional goods offered and presented as bonuses when buying a primary product. Here’s an example of a bonus stack:

Now here’s the bitter reality about bonus stacks.These bonuses are 99% of the time cheaply put together PDF files or videos, with information quickly found on Google. And the prices next to them, well…they are unfortunately pulled out of a fake guru’s egotistical ass.

10. Using and often overusing scarcity

It’s no secret that what is scarce in a market will be perceived as more worthy. Unuspirisnly, fake gurus just love to take advantage of this theory.

Only a limited quantity of product/spots available

There’s nothing wrong with using scarcity if you’re honest about it – if something genuinely is limited – but when you’re dishonest about it, you’re an A-grade asshole. At least in my book.

And yes, most fake gurus, all from big fish like Matthey Hussey To small fry like Brad Browning, all lie about their products’ actual availability. How do I know?

I checked the past versions of their sales pages, with a nifty little tool called “The Wayback Machine.” And you can too! Just type Wayback Machine into Google and have some fun.

Here are two screenshots of Matthew Hussey’s “get your ex back” program product page. One is from 2017, and the other is up-to-date.

As you can see, the “this video will be taken down soon” comment above the video stayed intact for over three years! Talk about honest marketing, right?

11. Hidden reviews

I can’t stress this enough. Never fall for the reviews of any online course or program found on the Internet with a simple search. They are often bought or forged. If you’re looking for genuine reviews and facts, whether a product and the business behind it is legit, analyze what the business bureau website website says about it. While BBB is a great source to check a company’s legitimacy, it’s – like all other sources not 100% foolproof. Therefore, take everything that’s posted there with a grain of salt. But, hell. It’s still better than most other review sites.

the reason why “get your ex back” experts exist

Let’s backtrack a bit here.

By the end of the day, I understand why these “how to get an ex back” gurus, experts, or whatever you want to call them exist. As a columnist by the name of Kerry Sackville illustrated;

“The pain of separation is real, and extraordinarily hard to deal with. The feelings of separation anxiety – or “separation protest” – can cause the rejected partner to work frantically to get their lover back and heartbroken people will take any piece of advice, any grain of hope, in their quest.”

While the above is a good reason for the existence of breakup experts, sadly our collective problem still persists; most of them are fraudsters, and only keep, as Ms. Sackville added, “exploiting the distraught and grieving with false promises and shonky advice.”

The bs behind “How to get your ex back” gurus #2: Techniques For Rekindling love

In this section, I will shift from talking about the shady techniques gurus use when trying to sell you their products to the ones they teach inside those products.

To be specific, I’m going to present you with four general techniques in turn and then give my opinion about why implementing them is plain wrong and frequently hinders the chances of getting your ex back.

And as I always say, don’t take the list of techniques below as exhaustive. These are only some that I find most unethical, toxic, and standard across all “how to get your ex back” products.

1. Pre-prepared text messages

Most “how to get an ex back” programs supply you with numerous texting templates and pre-prepared messages you can send to your ex to make them love you again. Let’s take a look at the three such texts and the corrupt philosophy behind them.

The Happy memory/Best Of Text

The purpose of the “best of” texts is twofold. On the one hand, you’re reminding your ex of a good memory you had together, while on the other, you’re using it as an excuse to break the silence between the two of you. Let’s take a look at two examples of these text messages:

The Jealousy Text

The purpose of this text is obvious: it’s to spark curiosity in your ex and making them think, “what friend is he or she talking about?” Let’s take a look at two examples:

The stressful situation Text

This text is used as words of support when you know your ex is going through a difficult period in their life. Here’s an example:

2. PRE-PREPARED letter

If the above text messages made you nauseous, just a look at these two examples of handwritten letters online experts recommend you send to your ex when you want them back:

The last resort letter  

In this letter, you write (lie) to your ex how you already moved on from them and found someone new but would still love to “stay in contact” with them just because they simply mean so much to you.

The idea behind this technique is that you’re testing if your ex-partner still likes you. Either they respond positively to your letter and go out with you, or not. In any case, you will know where you stand with them by sending one.

Here’s one example, straight from Brad Brownings X-factor guide so that you can get a clearer picture of the technique:

“This is a letter you probably would never expect from me since we haven’t spoken in forever… but I’d like to thank you for being in my life. Much has changed since we’ve broken up. I found somebody new, and everything has been fantastic. I know it sounds weird, but being with you has helped me realize everything I’ve been missing…but I completely valued the time we were together.

I just want you to know that I’m completely over us…and although I’m glad it’s over between us, I think it would be a shame if we just never spoke to each other again. You make such a great friend!

If you feel inclined to reach out to me, you know how to contact me.”

The love letter/apology technique

In this letter, as the name suggests, you write your ex a sappy apology, where you try to prove to them that you’ve changed and ask them if they ever want to see you again, or as certain people say, inspire them to come back.

For instance, here’s an excerpt from one of the three love letters, straight from Alexandre Cormont’s 49-freaking-dollar eBooklet titled 70 Pro Tips To Get Her Back:

“Sadly, I understood this all far too late. Worst of all, I thought it was your fault. I know some of my words and actions hurt you, and I’m sorry for that, but I think you know me well enough to know that was never my intention. I acted this way because I was unable to control my emotions and think about the consequences of my actions. At first, I didn’t want to write this letter, mainly because of pride, but also because I respect your decision.

Even more so since I know how difficult of a decision this was to make. But I have been telling myself to let go of pride and act. And this is the first step. You know (Her name), I never choose to be attracted to you, but you attracted me. You are a loving, fearless woman with an enormous amount of courage and worth. This is a fact, a reality that I understand when I think back on when we first met or on any point in our relationship really.”

3. Reverse psychology

According to, reverse psychology is a persuasive technique that involves getting someone to engage in a desired action or response by suggesting the opposite. Unfortunately, it’s also a common technique fake most gurus teach you. Let’s see it in action:

For example, you’re using reverse psychology when you tell your ex-lover, “Hey, I think our breakup up was a good idea. I wish you well.” when you, in reality, don’t believe so and are just using that line to get them back. Because, as we all know, scarcity creates desire.

4. Playing hard to get 

Playing hard to get with your ex is an everyday staple of every fake guru ninja tactics repertoire. Most of them supply you with a plethora of such techniques:

Why the above techniques hinder your chances of getting your ex back

Now that I’ve shared all the primary techniques found in most guru programs, it’s time for me to tell you the uncomfortable truth about them.If your ex doesn’t want to see you or doesn’t want to get back with you, it doesn’t matter what technique you use on them. Any advancement you make, be that with a text message, a letter, or a phone call, will be regarded as inappropriate, unattractive, or in the worst case, even repulsive by them.

Note: this is an abnormally accurate scenario if you’re the one who has been dumped.

Ultimately, the more you chase and pursue your ex-partner, the less they will respect and trust you. Therefore, what happens most of the time is that you’ll only push them further away.

But now, let’s pretend that you do get your ex back at some point.

What then?

What are your chances of staying with them long term?

Well, here’s *sigh* another uncomfortable truth.

If you’ve won your ex back with the presented fraudulent techniques, your relationship is probably going to flop.

The sole reason why this happens is because you haven’t done any work on yourself. And that’s the trap most people get themselves in.

If you get back with your ex without recognizing and resolving (where it’s possible) the underlying issues that led to the initial breakup, be that incompatibility or toxic tendencies or just about any other relationship issue under the sun, you’re just going to break up again shortly.

Or, in the absolute worst-case scenario, the two of you will settle for each other and stay together in a dysfunctional and drama riddled cesspool of a relationship – one where the two of you might be constantly breaking up and getting back together.

” Imagine your relationship as a beautiful china plate. If you break it once, you can put it back together with some care and effort. If you break it a second time, you can still put it back together but it takes a lot of extra time and care. But if you break it again and again and again, eventually you end up with so many pieces that you can’t put it back together. And no matter how much you liked that plate, you’re better off going and finding another one.” — By Mark Manson

The true chances of getting your ex back

There are no proven studies from authority figures, nor are there any public statistics about how many people actually succeed with different “how to get your ex back” programs, except for one found on

The people behind the website found that only 15% of their clients get back with their ex and actually stay together. But I would take their study with a grain of salt, considering that the same people that conducted it also sell a course on how to get an ex back.

In my opinion, you ultimately can get your ex back. In fact, sometimes all a couple needs is some time apart to get perspective on their relationship and to realize what makes one work. But the more important question to ask yourself is, “should I get back with them?

Worst Pieces of advice the greedy “Get Your Ex Back”  Give You

Below are 20 instances of that kind of advice, or tips per se. Hopefully, it expands your awareness and helps you develop a solid bullshit detector for the many ex-back-scams out there.

You can also think of this listicle as the 20 fake guru red flags. Meaning, if someone on the internet who sells a get-your-ex-back program gives you any of the following advice, chances are, they’re a scam.

1. Getting your ex back is easy, simple, and quick. Getting your ex back is not easy, simple, and quick, nor are the odds in your favor. I wrote about this topic extensively before, but here’s the gist: A study proved that only 15% of 3000+ breakup survivors got their ex back and stayed with them. (1)

Also, don’t bother typing “the odds of getting an ex back” into Google. I’ve done the research for you. The statistics are all cherrypicked, generalized, or heavily distorted.

2. Getting your ex back is easy, simple, and quick… if you just buy my course. Again, getting your ex back is not easy, simple, or quick. And I don’t care if you bought the best get-your-ex-back course out there. In fact, those courses will often hinder your chances of success rather than increase them since they all rely on the idea that you need to reach out to your ex at some point and inspire persuade them to return.

Newsflash, that’s called being a needy, overcompensating, and manipulative asshole. It’s unattractive, and it will fail. If not in the short term, certainly in the long.

3. You can text your ex back. Like with every method of getting an ex back, there is a fraction of a chance that it’ll work. So, yeah, you can text your ex back. It does happen. But still, you shouldn’t do it because as soon as you do, you take on the identity of that needy, overcompensating, and manipulative asshole we mentioned earlier.

4. The purpose of the no-contact rule is to win your ex back. The purpose of the no-contact rule is to psychologically, physically, and spiritually detach yourself from your ex and win yourself back. Put differently, it’s not about them; it’s about you. Any other use of the no contact rule — whether that’s to make your ex chase, miss, or obsess over you — is fucking disgusting. Yes, it works, but sometimes things that work are things you shouldn’t do.

5. You need to participate in no contact for 30, 45, 60, or 90 days. No contact should therefore be permanent, not done only in a period of X days. Also, don’t think of no contact as a technique but a lifestyle — one that’s devoid (or semi-devoid in certain situations) of your ex. Only with this mindset will you grow from your breakup and truly improve the odds of getting them back.

6. You should ignore your ex. If your ex reaches out at some point, it’s unfair to ignore them. If you want them back, take that opportunity to invite them on a date, and if you wish to move on, tell them to contact you some other time because you’re trying to move on. It’s that simple.

7. You should make your ex jealous. There’s a notion that making your ex jealous, by, for example, posting pictures with hot people of the opposite sex on your social media, will make them want you more. Hate to say it, but it works. However, like with all mind-games, it’s not fair to your ex. Manipulation is probably the douchebagiest move you can make. I like to think that there’s a special place in hell for people who do these kinds of things.

8. You should make your ex miss and chase you. Like with the previous two points, this strategy will most often backfire. Most exes aren’t stupid. They will feel that what you’re doing is staged and fake. Therefore, you’ll most likely blow your chances of ever rekindling things.

9. Reverse psychology will make your ex love you again. Sure… for a few weeks! Then they’ll realize you’re just putting on a facade and playing them and the next thing you know, they’ll cut you out of their life for good  — as they should in that case!

10. You should let getting back together be your exes idea. For the last time, you’re playing mind games. Stop it. It’s pathetic.

11. Love is a game that is meant to be played. That’s usually the excuse “get your ex back” gurus use before they inundate you with a litany of mind games, tricks, pre-prepared texts, and scripts that will somehow deceive your ex to come back to you. Also, thinking of love as a game, in general, is not a good way to build a lasting relationship with someone.

12. I’m a bestselling author and you should trust me. Best selling author where? Amazon? The platform where a person with 49 book sales in an obscure category became a best-selling author on? Come on, man. 99% of the time, the “bestselling author” label — like most other labels (i.e., Seen on Forbes.) — is bought, not earned.

13. These people got outstanding results so you should buy my stuff. Most testimonials these days, written or in-video, are forged or bought. It’s really not difficult to do. Even I’ve done it in the past. It’s a shame, but the whole fake-testimonial fiasco became a default strategy in most industries, especially self-help related ones.

14. Take this quiz and determine the exact chances of getting your ex back.  Most of the time, these quizzes are nothing more than a lead magnet instead of a tool designed to give you an accurate result. The only reason you see quizzes on every “get your ex back” themed site is because they convert well. They do an excellent job at enticing people to give their email through which they will now be subjected to daily guru sales pitches. Everyone likes those…

15. Send your ex a love/apology/XYZ letter. The letter technique boils down to sending your ex, as the name says, a letter where you apologize for whatever you’ve done and try to convince them that you’ve changed and deserve another shot at your relationship. It’s cringey, and rarely works. Please revert from writing one.

16. Watch my free case study/webinar/masterclass. Ever fell for this one? You start digesting a piece of content that promises to solve a specific problem only to later realize it’s full of fluff, and there’s a Burj Khalifa long, brain-melting sales pitch at the end.

17. I have a secret that will make your ex run back to you. Bitch, it’s the internet. There are no secrets. You can find virtually everything you’d ever need for free with a quick Google search, and this especially goes for advice on getting an ex back.

18. My online program has a ton of 5-star reviews. Take that claim with a grain of salt. Roughly speaking, most positive reviews are paid for, or the person writing them is an affiliate for the product they are writing the review for. Why do you think so many people recommend Brad Browning’s X-factor guide despite it being a shoddy product? Because they get paid a hefty commission whenever you purchase it from their affiliate site. (2)

19. I usually sell this for 147$, but for a limited time only, you can get it for 47$. A classic marketer trick. Inflate the original price of a product, then heavily discount it to create an elusion that you’re getting an incredible deal. Don’t buy into it. The product never sold for the crossed-out (initial) price. It’s just a cheap trick to get you to buy faster.

20. You can get your ex back. Just believe in yourself. I won’t bullshit you with the pathetic “Rah, rah, you’re awesome, you can do it,” tone most fake gurus and self-help junkies do. Chances are, you won’t get your ex back. Ever. Sorry, but this is the truth that may be unpleasant to hear. However, here’s the sunny side of that coin. You’ll get over your ex . You’ll move on. You’ll rebuild your life. I know this isn’t easy to believe right now, but it’s the truth. Eventually, you’ll be fine.


After all is said and done, I’m no saint. I’m no savior. I’m no hero for writing this article. Nor am I a villain. I’m just a guy on the Internet who writes stuff, and has opinions.

Opinions that I believe need to be brought to light—especially in today’s time, when miracle cures keep getting sold left and right with predatory marketing in virtually every niche, all from fitness, health supplements, make-money-online to cooking and yoga.

And let me tell you a secret.

In the past, I was not so different from Chris Canwell, Brad Browning, Matthew Hussey, Chris Seiter, and the whole gang. I also used questionable marketing.

But, I’ve never resorted to selling hollow and cash-grabby products nestled in unethical philosophy, the way some “experts” do. I just can’t stand those people.

Why? Well, as I said…they hurt my business credibility, and thus end up hurting me.

But, to switch to a less selfish perspective, they also (financially and mentally) hurt you —the person who got heartbroken; the vulnerable breakup survivor. The kind of breakup survivor I once was – stealing cash to buy more courses, crying waterfalls, and on the brink of putting a bullet in my skull under the gaping and silent and empty sky.


Receive a free copy of my popular breakup survival guide, 56 Tips To Heal A Broken Heart, with three bonus exercises on how to stop obsessing over your ex. Remember: whether you want to get over or re-attract your ex, recovery is always the first step.