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Note: the context of this article is that you still want your ex back. If you don’t, the information below doesn’t apply to you. If your ex wants to sleep with you, but you don’t want them back, reject them. Unless you’re ready to have a long conversation about sex being simply a physical thing and your relationship a friends with benefits type of deal.
If your ex still wants to sleep with you, they miss you sexually and want to keep the sexual part of your relationship alive.
Regardless of how you feel about sleeping with your ex — whether you’re excited or worried about it — be grateful. Your ex wanting to sleep with you is a much better response than, say, if they’d be trying to befriend you, or if they’d rejected or blocked you. It means you have a better chance at getting them back than most people.
However, don’t mistake your ex’s desire for sex as a desire to want to get back together. It sure as shit helps, but the two aren’t always intertwined. One can show up in a person devoid of the other. But more on that later.
Is Sleeping With Your Ex Normal
It’s definitely common, that’s for sure. In a recent survey, nearly 44% of 1000 people admitted to sleeping with an ex. It’s also an understandable desire. We all have instances of wanting to sleep with our ex after a breakup. After all, they’re constantly on our minds, and we’re often caught in a dry spell for some time after it.
Whether or not wanting to sleep with an ex is normal, however, depends on why we want to sleep with them and why they want to sleep with us. For example, if the reason is that you want to get revenge on each other, or if one of you is trying to lead on the other or use them as backup until someone better comes around, it’s not normal. In fact, it’s immature as fuck.
Whereas if the reason is that you’re both horny and want to sleep with each other for the simple pleasure of sleeping with each other or because you miss each other and want to rekindle things, then it is normal. And no, you’re not immoral, lewd, or bad people for wanting to sleep together.
Why does your ex want to sleep with you
Below are 12 reasons your ex still wants to sleep with you. Some will be familiar and obvious, others won’t be. Maybe you’ll even get some useful insights about yourself from them.
1. Your ex has no other options. They may be clueless at dating and, after a series of failed attempts, turned to what seemed to be the easiest person to conquer — you. It also helps that you’re probably the most familiar one. Familiarity plays a MASSIVE role in attraction.
2. Your ex knows you’re available. The more expressive you were about wanting to get back together after your breakup, the likelier it is that you’re still available and that’s why your ex wants to sleep with you. It’s that simple.
3. Your ex got drunk and booty calls you. If this happens, don’t take it too seriously. They probably just acted on a whim. Until they booty call you sober, you won’t know whether they want to only sleep with you or are looking to sleep with you and rekindle things.
4. Sex is all your ex ever wanted from you. Certain relationships are built on not having a relationship with the other person, but things like their body and sexual skills. Maybe your relationship was of this sort, which may be why your ex still wants to sleep with you.
5. Your ex wants closure. Perhaps your ex isn’t at peace with the breakup and wants to sleep with you to get it. Maybe they see sleeping with you as a final goodbye or an opening of something brand new. Both options grant closure.
6. Your ex is feeling insecure. Maybe your ex constantly needed your validation and reassurance to feel loved. And now when they’re not with you anymore, they’re running low on it. So to get another shot, they opt-in for sleeping with you.
7. Your ex is a narcissist. And the reason they want to sleep with you may be that they feel empowered and special because of it. In other words, they want you sexually because they equate it with having their ego stroked, which they enjoy greatly.
8. Your ex wants you to be friends with benefits. Some exes are genuinely interested in being friends with benefits — friends who often sleep together with little to no strings attached. According to my data, these tend to be most often men.
9. Your ex wants to feel good again. In other words, they’re sleeping with you only so they can suppress or escape the pain of breaking up instead of dealing with it.
10. Your ex doesn’t want to let you go. Like the previous reason your ex wants to sleep with you, maybe they’re too attached to cut you out of their life. So they hold on to you until they feel it’s safe to disconnect and attach to someone else.
11. Your ex wants to keep the doors open. Perhaps your ex wants to sleep with you because they want to keep you as plan B until someone else comes along or until they get serious with someone new. Think of yourself as a backup plan — if your ex never finds anyone better, they can always come back to you.
12. Your ex wants you back. The most obvious reason your ex wants to sleep with you is that they’re still interested in you. And they see sleeping with you as a way of getting closer.
If you conclude that your ex still wants to sleep with you, know that while they might always stay sexually attracted to you, they won’t always want to continue sleeping/wanting to sleep with you. This usually happens when they meet someone new. Just a heads-up so you know what to expect when or if you start sleeping with your ex.
The Dangers Of Sleeping With Your Ex
Sleeping with your ex, especially if you’re emotionally inexperienced, haven’t had many serious relationships, and haven’t dated lots of people, will make you bond with them dangerously fast. Such a bond may then lead to increased expectations and hope around mending your relationship and overestimations around your ex’s attraction. And these things can then further lead to acting unattractively.
Maybe you start trying to impress your ex more. Maybe you begin spamming their phone and professing your undying love. Or perhaps show up at their doorstep unannounced because you think you’re so close to getting back together when you’re not. Eventually, this needy behavior not only sabotages your reconciliation efforts but also re-opens your breakup wounds and prolongs your recovery.
So don’t think sleeping with your ex is a surefire way of getting them back. There has to be more than sexual feelings on the table for the two of you to mend things. For instance, emotional progression, a dating period, compatibility, or mutual self-improvement.
What to do when your ex wants to sleep with you
If your ex wants to sleep with you, you must have a long conversation with yourself first. Make sure that you understand the emotional implications of sleeping with your ex.
Do you have a mindset where you can have sex with your ex and not become too attached or start acting out of neediness? Most people, for example, start being needy as soon as they sleep with their ex because having sex with them makes their body release hormones, particularly oxytocin, which make them feel ever-so-bonded.
And when these people start feeling ever-so-bonded with their ex, they resort to chasing them. Most exes don’t like this and start demanding more space. But since the ever-so-bonded people are so attached, they can’t stop chasing. So they eventually get rejected.
Now, let’s talk about the importance of context since other articles on sleeping with an ex too often overlook the topic.
Times when you should sleep with your ex (Context #1)
If you and your ex had a healthy breakup, you still keep in touch or even date each other, and one-day things naturally lead to kissing and making out, and your ex is willing to sleep with you, then you should sleep with them.
It will make you feel closer and make your ex see you as a potential partner again. That said, don’t forget what I mentioned earlier about your mindset. Your attitude and feelings towards your ex shouldn’t change outwardly after sleeping with them, or you’ll risk turning them off and chasing them away again.
In other words, after you’ve had sex with your ex, you shouldn’t think, “This is the best thing ever. We’re going to get back together!” You should instead think, “We had sex, cool. It was great. But it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll get back together. Let’s just have fun and see where things go.”
Times when you shouldn’t sleep with your ex (Context #2)
If your ex is lonely and horny and is clearly not trying to get back with you but simply hits you up to have sex one day out of the blue, basically a booty call, you shouldn’t sleep with them — or at least you should consider not to.
It won’t help you get them back. And it’s certainly won’t help them respect you more. And as you’ve seen me write many times if you’re a frequent reader of my blog, if there isn’t any mutual respect in a relationship, it won’t work out. Guaranteed.
Bottom line: you don’t want to treat yourself as a piece of meat, readily available to all. Have standards. Have self-respect. Have some damn dignity.
The Importance Of Honesty When Your Ex Wants To Sleep With You
When your ex wants to sleep with you, but you don’t know what to do, being honest with yourself is of grave importance and the first thing you should focus on. I’ve seen too many people get a booty call from their ex, and instead of declining, they caved and slept with them, only to wake up more confused and hurt than ever.
If being honest with yourself is too difficult, ask friends or family members for help. Explain the situation, make sure they understand it, and listen to their advice. Then conclude whether or not to sleep with your ex based on that advice. And if even that fails, you can always reach out to me.
If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly videos, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.
Most "re-attraction science" techniques are logical placebos for creating emotional realities; ways for people to cope with emotional issues.
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