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Going through a breakup sucks. And when you’re hit with the harsh reality that you need to cut contact with your ex, all sorts of irrational beliefs can bubble up, making you second-guess yourself and what you should do next.
Let’s tackle some of these misguided beliefs head-on and get to the bottom of why they’re doing you more harm than good.
1. “If I Cut Contact, They’ll Realize What They’ve Lost”
Here’s a tough pill to swallow: if your ex needs to lose you to value you, the relationship is already fucked. I mean, should you really have to disappear completely for your ex to appreciate your worth? That’s like having to lose your phone fifty times before realizing it’s actually important to you.
When you cut contact to manipulate your ex into wanting you more, you’re essentially trying to play games with supply and demand. You’re betting that by making yourself scarce, they’ll suddenly wake up and realize how amazing you are.
But here’s the kicker: this approach usually backfires. Because emotionally unavailable people (as are most exes) often respond to loss of control by briefly chasing you, only to pull back and exit once they feel back in control. It’s a toxic cycle that leads nowhere good.
Besides, the real purpose of no contact isn’t to engineer some profound realization in your ex — it’s to end a relationship that isn’t working so you can heal and grow. Using it as a manipulation tactic means you’ll have to keep threatening to leave for good and forever to maintain their interest. And trust me, that’s exhausting as fuck.
2. “Their Breadcrumbs Mean They’re Thinking About Me”
This belief is what keeps you chained to your phone like a crack addict, checking for texts every two minutes. You convince yourself that even the smallest crumb of attention means you’re still on your ex’s mind.
But let’s get real: people who require no contact often engage in low-effort communication with about as much thought as they put into ordering a pizza. It’s usually just impulse-driven behavior that means absolutely nothing.
What you actually need for a healthy relationship is consistent effort, care, and respect — not occasional breadcrumbs thrown your way when they’re bored or feeling lonely.
In other words, only give your ex another shot when they reach out again directly and actually communicate some sort of interest. Not when they merely like your new profile photo, unblock you on Instagram, or respond to your social media comment or post.
This cheat sheet lays out a simple yet potent approach to mending a relationship — one rooted in raw authenticity that respects both your dignity and that of your ex.
Get The Free Cheat Sheet3. “We Can Be Friends Once I Feel Better”
This is often just your brain’s sneaky way of keeping hope alive. You tell yourself that once the pain subsides, you can maintain a friendship with your ex. But the truth is, friendship after a breakup should be organic, not forced.
If you’re already planning the friendship while still hurting, you’re not actually focused on healing — you’re focused on maintaining some form of connection with your ex. And that’s a recipe for reopening old wounds.
The grieving process isn’t about making way for friendship — it’s about making way for you. For your healing, growth, and eventual ability to move forward. If you’re constantly thinking about future friendship, it’s probably a sign you need to refocus your energy on yourself.
Real friendship can only happen when, among other minor things:
- You’re completely over them.
- They’ve shown themselves worthy of friendship.
- You’re both back in neutral territory.
And look, if there were good or shady reasons why you had to cut contact in the first place, maybe don’t break your neck trying to be friends.
4. “They Don’t Realize How Much They Hurt Me”
Yes, they fucking do. They might play dumb or claim ignorance, but unless they’re emotionally brain-dead, they know exactly how their behavior affected you.
And if they genuinely don’t understand how their actions impact others? Well, congratulations — you’ve just identified someone who lacks the basic emotional maturity required for an adult relationship. Don’t give these people a shot, they’re not worth it.
Besides, if your ex truly doesn’t understand what the issue was, they’re just going to repeat the same behavior if you get back together. And it’s not your job to fix or overcompensate for their emotional shortcomings.
The Wrap Up
No contact isn’t about manipulation, punishment, or some crafty strategy to win your ex back. It’s about ending a relationship that isn’t working and giving yourself and your ex the space to heal and grow.
If you’re making excuses for your ex’s behavior, you’re just absolving them of responsibility. And that’s a fatal blow to any hopes of a healthy rekindled relationship.
The sooner you drop these irrational beliefs about no contact, the sooner you can focus on what really matters: taking care of yourself and moving forward with your life, with or without your ex.
This cheat sheet lays out a simple yet potent approach to mending a relationship — one rooted in raw authenticity that respects both your dignity and that of your ex.
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