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Re-attraction boils down to building umpteen habits that improve your life and personal growth. The theory goes that the better your life and the more you mature, the more attractive you’ll be, and the higher the likelihood you’ll get back with your ex as a result.
But not every habit yields the same returns. Some are more effective than others, that is, they re-attract your ex faster. Below are what I deem the most effective ones. Their true beauty? They blaze new trails beyond simple re-attraction. They spill into and improve virtually every part of your life.
Habit #1: Exercise vulnerability. Learn to express what you feel unconditionally. That is, without expecting a specific response in return. Ex looks hot? Tell them they look hot. Want to invite them on a date? Invite them on a date. Want to fuck their brains out? Tell them you want to fuck their brains out. If they slap you with a rejection at some point, accept it and pull away. Or walk away completely.
Habit #2: Get better at managing your emotions. Feel them but refrain from always responding to them — especially when you feel like you’ll respond in a self-sabotaging way. For example, when pissed off, don’t respond by giving your ex a call and telling them they’re a piece of shit. Instead, go to the gym, meditate, or seek out a therapist. Find positive outlets for your pent-up negative feelings.
Habit #3: Practice standing up for yourself. Assert your boundaries and hold them erect. Ex only calls when they need something from you? Stop answering their calls. Ex keeps disrespecting you on your date? Politely tell them to cut it out or else you’re going home — and then actually go home if they’re still being an ass. Your ex rejected you after you asked them out? Have some self-respect and move on to someone new.
Habit #4: Elevate your social skills. Learn to connect with your ex in a way that makes them feel safe and comfortable. Learn to quickly spark intrigue and elicit emotional investment. Learn to have dynamic and interesting conversations. Learn to read between the lines and gauge their attraction. Learn to make a positive emotional impact. More on this in my Radical Re-attraction Course.
Habit #5: Put yourself first. Prioritize your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and your perception of yourself over your ex’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and their perception of you. Then stay unwavering about this prioritization (more on this in my article on neediness).
Habit #6: Respect yourself. Stop trying to prove yourself to your ex. Bring seeking their validation to a halt. Put an end to impressing them and clawing your way to their admiration. Terminate the re-attraction process if you’re the only one putting in the effort.
Habit #7: Invest in your character. Meaning your distinct blend of interesting hobbies, passions, opinions, and desires. The more you invest in these things, the more magnetic and enticing you’ll be compared to everyone else your ex is seeing, increasing the odds they pick you over anyone of them.
Habit #8: Strive for optimal physical and mental/emotional health. Get quality sleep. Eat healthy foods in healthy measures. Work out, get in shape, and move your body. Keep your hygiene and cleanliness standards high. Schedule periods for reflection and contemplation. Invest in your social life and other relationships. The point of all this? You’ll be happier for it. Plus, your ex wants a person that has their shit together, not a low-life couch-potato who doesn’t take care of themselves.
Habit #9: Be and stay a contributing member of society. Get your own place. Buy your own food. Wash your own clothes. Be self-reliant. Get responsibilities like a job/career, school/studies, or child-rearing.
Habit #10: See what else is out there. When you get curious and excited about it, go date for a bit. Let yourself get railed by Chads. Fuck some baddies. Get lost in the hands of strangers. Gaze onto the night sky in awe, and let yourself silently marvel and smile at the mind-fuck your life has pivoted to. After enough experimentation, there’s a good chance you’ll realize your ex isn’t special — perhaps not even worth back-pedaling to.
Habit #11: Get some fucking direction in life. Weave together a rough vision for the future. Experiment and play with all its convoluted bits and pieces. Make modifications if necessary. Set big and meaningful goals related to this vision. Then work your way toward them. And perhaps most importantly, make them the priority. Because the minute you choose your ex over your goals, you lose them both.
Habit #12: Find and focus on something more important than getting back with your ex. This can be many things: being a part of a movement, fighting for a cause, working on a particular skill or habit, or trying to realize some life purpose. The point is, never let your ex become the center of your world, the source of your happiness, your fucking everything. Because that stuff makes even the most strong-willed people perpetually miserable. At worst, it drives them to attempt suicide. I know this firsthand.
Need More Ex-Back Help?
- Download my Re-Attraction Cheat Sheet. It’s a free, easy-to-use guide to help you get back with the one you love.
- Check out From The Inside Out. The most mature and honest ex-back book out there, breaking through the noise to give a practical, no-bs view of mending a relationship.
- Sign up for The Radical Re-Attraction Course. With hours of exclusive video and written content + a private community and coaching, I'll walk you through every step of getting back with an ex.
- Browse my coaching offers. Good solutions if you want a quick response to your situation or simply more 1-on-1 time with me.
This cheat sheet lays out a simple yet potent approach to mending a relationship step by step — one rooted in brutal honesty that respects both your dignity and that of your ex.
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