Touch Your Ex Wrong And It’s Over

As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

Getting back with an ex is a series of escalations — uncomfortable, sometimes awkward escalations that most people fuck up because they either move too fast or chicken out entirely.

One of the more important parts of this escalation is touch. Not groping, not some creepy move — just light, natural contact. A hand on their arm while talking. Your leg against theirs while sitting.

There’s an entire nonverbal conversation happening underneath. When you touch them and they touch you back, that’s your green light. When you touch them and they go cold or pull away? That’s your red light. Stop immediately. Continuing only makes you look desperate and often kills any attraction left.

In fact, if your ex keeps giving you negative responses or finding excuses to avoid your touch, it’s probably time to end the date and go back into no contact. I hate to say it, but persisting when someone clearly isn’t interested just makes you look like a fool.

Today’s Suggestion:

If you’re planning to meet up with your ex (or already have plans), pay attention to how they respond when you initiate any form of physical contact. Start small — a light touch on the arm, sitting close enough that your legs touch. Watch their reaction.

Do they reciprocate? Do they pull away? Do they pretend nothing happened? If they keep responding positively, escalate slowly. If they don’t, stop touching them and reassess whether this person actually wants to reconnect with you or if you’re just prolonging your own pain by chasing someone who isn’t interested.

Today’s Resource:

Escalation In Re-Attraction: Touching, Kissing, And Sex Itself — a breakdown of the escalation process when getting back with an ex, including how to handle rejection, navigate awkwardness, and know when to pull the plug on the entire thing.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to get back to you promptly.

Until next time,
Max Jancar

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