Positive Self-Talk Is Just As Bad As The Negative

As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

Most breakup advice out there obsesses over the idea of overcoming negative self-talk. But you seldom hear how positive self-talk can be just as harmful and stupid as the negative.

Well, it is.

Telling yourself you have the worth of an old, discarded gum stuck to a street-skanks highheel because you got dumped is just as bad as telling yourself how the breakup is all your ex’s fault and that you had nothing to do with your relationship’s downfall becasue you’re oh-so innoncent and perfect.

In both cases, you’re deluding yourself about your situation. The thing is, all the nasty and horrible things you say to yourself about yourself are untrue. And all the amazing and badass things you say to yourself about yourself are probably untrue as well.

Today’s Suggestion:

The next time you engage in either positive or negative self-talk, reframe it to a more realistic variant.

When you tell yourself, say, that you’re a failure for getting dumped — reframe that into something like, “No, I’m not a failure; I just made a mistake. I should be kinder to myself. We all fuckup sometimes, just part of being human.”

Or when you tell yourself you’re actually badass and your ex is dumb for not seeing your amazing potential and breaking up with you — reframe that into something like, “I’m clearly overcompensating here. I’m just an average guy/gal trying to figure out relationships. And I’m upset about it.”

Today’s Resource:

How To Love Yourself After A Breakup (7 Realistic Activities) — lots of people become their own worst enemy post-breakup. This is a guide on how to avoid that, and actually — as cheesy as it sounds — become your own greatest supporter.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to get back to you promptly.

Until next time,
Max Jancar

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