Stop Obsessing Over External Validation

As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

While there’s nothing bad about seeking a bit of validation from the people you’re dating or even your ex, obsessing over that external validation is bad.

It’s this same obsession that is the exact reason why so many people going through a breakup are frustrated and unfulfilled, and why they usually come across as unattractive.

Thing is, the key to genuine happiness and attractiveness lies not in the validation we receive from the external world but in the validation we give to ourselves. Think internal validation over external.

Today’s Suggestion:

Maybe you took your ex on an over-the-top date they didn’t really deserve just to impress them. Or perhaps you can’t stop showing off your bowling skills to a potential mate who doesn’t actually care about you just to get their approval.

Regardless, when faced with the urge to seek external validation, pause and ask yourself, “Am I doing this for myself, or am I just seeking approval and validation from the other person?” Then act accordingly. As a rule of thumb: get about 20% of your validation externally and the rest internally.

Today’s Resource:

Where Do You Get Your Validation? — an article addressing the nature of validation, some common misconceptions people have around it, and how to cultivate a healthy degree of it yourself.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to get back to you promptly.

Until next time,
Max Jancar

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