How To Find And Process Hidden Breakup Pain

As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

Often, the distractions we engage in post-breakup — the excessive eating, binge-watching Netflix, or endlessly scrolling through social media — aren’t just about the distraction itself. These behaviors are often a way to numb or cover up a deeper, hidden pain that we might not even be fully aware of.

When we can’t face a certain pain, we instinctively seek ways to avoid it. Over time, the distraction becomes so habitual that we lose sight of the pain entirely, focusing solely on the excesses that mask it.

But here’s the truth: the real breakthrough comes not from curbing these behaviors, but from understanding and confronting the underlying pain they’re compensating for.

Today’s Suggestion:

Take a moment to reflect on what’s most excessive in your life right now. Is it food? Social media? Or maybe it’s something more subtle, like constantly needing to be by yourself or obsessively stalking your ex online.

Once you identify this excess, ask yourself, “What pain would I feel if I didn’t have this distraction?” Allow yourself to sit with that question. The pain you uncover is likely the very thing you’ve been running away from.

This week, instead of trying to control the excess, commit to doing one small thing to address that underlying pain. It could be journaling about it, talking to a friend, or even seeking professional help.

Remember, confronting the pain will make managing the excess far easier.

Today’s Resource:

Do You Need Therapy After A Breakup And How Does It Work? — among other insights, learn how therapy can help you confront and overcome the deeper pain behind your post-breakup distractions.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to get back to you promptly.

Until next time,
Max Jancar

A Weekly Email To Help You Unfuck Yourself Post-Breakup

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