When Self-Improvement Becomes Self-Harm

As part of my newsletter, The Breakthrough Letter, every week I send out a short email with one idea, one suggestion, and one resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love, either with your ex or someone new.

Here’s this week’s edition. Enjoy.

Today’s Idea:

Meditate. Journal. Hit the gym. Go to therapy… Self-improvement is indeed valuable for bouncing back after heartbreak. But it can also become a crutch. A way to cope with pain without actually addressing it.

I see this constantly. People go all-in after a breakup. They meditate for hours. They attend every personal growth seminar. They buy all the breakup recovery courses. At a certain point, they’re not improving themselves anymore — they become addicted to self-improvement.

But the whole point of self-improvement is to reach a stage where you don’t need it as much anymore — or don’t need it at all. Like training wheels on a bicycle, once they’ve served their purpose, you let them go.

Today’s Suggestion:

Take an honest look at your current self-improvement routine. Are you using it to genuinely grow, or to avoid feeling your breakup pain? If you notice yourself becoming rigid about your routines — canceling plans, isolating yourself, feeling anxious when you can’t stick to your schedule — that’s your signal.

This week, intentionally skip one of your “must-do” self-improvement activities. Miss a meditation session. Skip the journaling. Take a day off from the gym. Notice how you feel. If you experience intense anxiety or guilt, that’s a red flag.

Today’s Resource:

6 Important Breakup Truths No One Likes To Hear — the full article covering this idea plus five other uncomfortable realities about breakups, including why rebounds aren’t always bad, why constantly analyzing your relationship has diminishing returns, and more.

As always, feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to get back to you promptly.

Until next time,
Max Jancar

A Weekly Email To Help You Unfuck Yourself Post-Breakup

Every Monday I send out an email with one idea, suggestion, and resource to help you break through your breakup and create a new possibility for love. Enter your email to join the newsletter.

Sign Up Now