Monday Newsletter #27

A 5-Minute Hack to Stop Feeling Sad, upset, anxious, etc.

Welcome to another weekly newsletter, lovingly named the “Beyond The Breakup Newsletter.”  

It’s the newsletter that provides you with big ideas on how to grow and improve as a person and build better relationships so you can avoid a future breakup.

sign up and join the adventure!

Along with the fancy weekly newsletter, I’m also going to give you access to 4 exercises that will help you stop obsessing over your ex as soon as you sign up.

Breakups, like all other adversities, are notorious for making us feel like shit. That is, sad, upset, and anxious. But feeling like shit is not the real threat; the real threat is believing we can’t do anything about feeling like shit. 

Years ago, when I was going through my rough breakup, I felt the same way. I felt like shit. It was easy to believe I was trapped in that state and couldn’t get myself to cheer up until a friend of mine shared a technique for rapidly kicking myself out of shitty emotional states.

(He found it on Nat Eliason’s blog

Now, let me be clear, this is one of those quick-fix techniques. It works, but only for a short period. And it is not sustainable.

Therefore, if you’re facing a harsh breakup, let the technique I’ll share below be exclusively an extension of your already filled-with-recovery-activities breakup survival plan (like the one I outlined in this article).

Also, you don’t need to be facing a breakup to use this technique or for it to work. You can use it to tackle virtually any adversity that put you into a sour mood. So here it is, straight out of Nat’s blog.

“First: Pick two songs, at least 2 minutes long, that always make you feel good and that you know the words to. No downer music, no purely instrumental music, just any two songs that you know make you feel good and that you can sing along to. 

Second: Go to the shower and set it as hot as you can comfortably stand. You should probably take your clothes off too, unless you haven’t washed them in a bit. 

Third: Silence your phone notifications and put the first song on full blast so you’ll be able to hear it over the running water. A portable speaker might help, depending on what phone you have. And in case you don’t know, an iPhone 7 is mostly waterproof, so you can bring it in with you. 

Fourth: Get in the shower and see if you can stand making it any hotter. You want to be sweating by the end of the first song. It should probably be a little painful, pain is good here. 

Fifth: Sing! Sing along to the song as loudly as you comfortably can. If you haven’t felt silly up to this point, most of you probably will here especially if you’re trying to do this while in a really bad mood. Just try it. I’ll be over in five minutes anyway, so give me the benefit of the doubt and just sing along to that song. 

Sixth: When the song ends… turn the shower as cold as possible. This is part of why you wanted to get all hot and sweaty in the first place. The cold water is going to shock your nervous system back to normal, and it’s going to be easier to bear if you’re already overheating. 

Again, please just try it. I don’t care if you feel stupid, or like it won’t work, or like you can’t bear the cold. You can bear it, and it will work. And it’s only for the duration of the second song.

Seventh: Once again, sing along! Singing is serving two purposes now: it’s very hard to be upset while singing along to a song you like and you’ll notice the cold less while you singing along since you’ll be distracted. 

Also, singing will require you to take big, deep breaths, which will again help with managing the cold. When the second song is over you can keep going in the cold if you’re enjoying it, or you can get off and towel off. It might help to have a third song here to keep the mood up, but by this point you should be feeling drastically better.”

A personal note: 

As awkward as this technique is, I’ve genuinely tried it at one of the lowest points in my life, and it worked really well.

However, I found that the real beauty of the whole thing is not that it put me out of a shitty state (even tho that’s a fantastic benefit), but that it gave me clarity around my breakup, which I then used to form a concrete plan on how to get over my ex and turn my life around.

So ultimately, if you couple this technique with all the others I teach —in my book or in my articles — I can almost guarantee you’ll get great results in your recovery.