my take on the infamous law of attraction
Welcome to another weekly newsletter, lovingly named the “Beyond The Breakup Newsletter.”
It’s the newsletter that provides you with big ideas on how to grow and improve as a person and build better relationships so you can avoid a future breakup.
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Along with the fancy weekly newsletter, I’m also going to give you access to 4 exercises that will help you stop obsessing over your ex as soon as you sign up.
This week, I met up for a short coffee hangout with an old-time friend. She’s also a retired dating/relationship coach turned writer like me.
We shot the shit for a few hours and went over some exciting topics. One of the most exciting ones was on The Law Of Attraction.
For those who don’t know, the Law of Attraction is a pseudoscience based on the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.
The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are made from “pure energy” and that a process of like energy attracting like energy exists through which a person can improve their health, wealth, and personal relationships. (source)
Anyhow my at some point during our conversation, my friend asked me this:
“What’s your take on the Law Of Attraction? Do you believe in it/ do you not and why?”
This was probably the most heated point of our conversation. I’m very anti-spirituality, while my friend is the type of chick who goes to 4000$ mediation, mindfulness, and enlightenment boot camps. Naturally, we ran into a bit of friction when discussing this topic.
But anyway, here’s my take on the whole thing.
Yes, I do believe in the law of attraction. Although not the typical woo-woo, metaphysical, and supernatural one. The one I deem true is tied to basic psychological mechanisms we all share: confirmation bias, opportunity blindness, and hindsight.
1. CONFIRMATION BIAS
Confirmation bias is our tendency to see only the information that supports our initial beliefs rather than the information that refutes them.
Therefore, if I believe essential oils cure heartbreak, I’m probably not going to focus on sources of information — books, websites, people — that tell me essential oils don’t cure heartbreak.
2. Opportunity blindness
Opportunity blindness is the tendency to see only the possibilities that we’re focusing on at the moment.
For example, when I quit my 9-5 job and started my dating advice business full time, I believed it was all or nothing with it. But in reality, the business evolved over time into something completely different.
I went from a men’s dating coach and online salesmen to a relationship coach and Youtuber and then to a full-time writer/blogger on self-development and breakup recovery.
Hindsight relates to connecting all of your tiny life events backward. What “feels” serendipitous to us is nothing but one of the paths we happened to choose.
For example, back in 2015, I considered myself lucky to have stumbled on Corey Wayne’s youtube channel. He’s a life coach for men who inspired me to start my first business. I held the whole encounter with his content in pretty high regard.
But here’s the thing I can understand now in hindsight: Whether I would stumble on Corey or not, I would probably still start an online business since I’ve been digging the idea before I ever saw Corey’s stuff.
So ultimately, the combined effect of all these three psychological mechanisms is that when you focus on a single goal — whether it be getting your ex back, attracting a new partner, starting a business — you start to:
- Naturally, see only the information that confirms your goal.
- Grab onto opportunities you were unaware existed as you pursue your goal.
- In hindsight feel that everything serendipitously came together.
Ps: maybe I’ll do an article on this topic at some point. I had a lot of fun writing about the law of attraction — at least my version of it. Stay tuned.