ON SELF-WORTH, SEEING YOUR EX OBJECTIVELY, AND TRAINS?
Welcome to another weekly newsletter, lovingly named the “Beyond The Breakup Newsletter.”
It’s the newsletter that provides you with big ideas on how to grow and improve as a person and build better relationships so you can avoid a future breakup.
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Along with the fancy weekly newsletter, I’m also going to give you access to 4 exercises that will help you stop obsessing over your ex as soon as you sign up.
Today we’re talking about the following:
- Knowing your self-worth after a breakup
- Seeing your ex for who they really are
- A short story on letting go, by a fellow Redditor.
So without any further ado, let’s do this.
1. Knowing your worth
When we break up with our long term lover, we often sink into a haze that blinds us from reality and propels us to feel worthless and lonely. At this point, some people find themselves desperately chasing and pursuing their ex. They spam their phone while blocked, they profess their love while never hearing the same words back, and they apologize when there’s no need for apologies. Ultimately, they prolong their recovery, which could be accelerated if they just knew their worth. And I’m not talking about believing you’re so worthy that you deserve the world. Fuck that. I’m talking about a more realistic sense of worth. One that goes like this, “I’m probably better than spending all my time chasing after someone who obviously doesn’t want my presence or attention.”So try to realize that. Also, know that each advance you make to pursue contact with your ex is just pushing them more and more away from you. Hell, they could even be laughing at your desperation right now.So conclusively, stop nagging your ex. Start healing so that you can meet someone 10x better in the future. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it’s the uncomfortable truth.
2. seeing your ex for who they really were
“Oh yeah. Let’s place my ex next to Jesus. Then let’s put a diamond decorated crown on their head and a gold spear in their hand. Oh wait, one thing is missing. That’s right; it’s me kissing their feet and professing my infinite love for them.”
Forgive me for the extreme example, but many people get into a habit of idolizing their ex just like the example illustrates. They put them on a pedestal and treat them like a god. They think, “Oh shit, they were the one!” Snap out of it. With so many people in the world, you’re virtually guaranteed to meet someone who is a good match in the future – if that’s your goal, of course.So you have no reason to chase or want someone with who things just didn’t work out. Your ex was just a flawed person – like you – with their own fair share of problems, shitty qualities, and lousy beliefs or values. And your relationship with her, like all the relationships we cultivate, is replaceable. Don’t take these things so seriously. Relationships come and go in life, and while it does hurt when you lose one, it’s far from the end of the world. So, tear down the pedestal on which your ex resides, and reclaim your power.
This was a short post I saw on Reddit a few days ago. It blew my mind.
I never came across an analogy so simple yet so jam-packed with beauty, passion, and clarity of its core-message.
“Don’t hate them. Don’t hold grudges. They were just a passenger.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your journey in life is like a long train ride. There’s a constant flow of beautiful scenery outside the window- and then you have passengers. People get on and off the train at different stops. They follow their own destination, and you have yours.
The person who left you was a passenger who got on the train and sat next to you sometime back. They shared some lovely memories and conversations with you. You both gazed at the beautiful scenery together and even shared a meal sitting next to each other. Overall it was a wonderful time. After a while, it’s their time to get down at their stop but it’s not your stop yet. Do you think you’ll stop a train passenger whom you had lovely conversations with and beg or plead with them to stay on the train all the way through your destination?”
“Then why would you want to hold on to a passenger whose destination isn’t the same as yours? Let them go. Cherish their moments beside your seat. And remember- there are many more stops in your ride. And so many more passengers will hop in and ride along with you. In the meantime- don’t forget to look out the window and enjoy the beautiful scenery. You were on this train before they joined. You’ll be on your way even if they hopped off. The train goes on. So does life.”
I hope this newsletter made you smile a bit.