ON BAD BOOKS, GOOD BOOKS AND BETTER READING
Welcome to another weekly newsletter, lovingly named the “Beyond The Breakup Newsletter.”
It’s the newsletter that provides you with big ideas on how to grow and improve as a person and build better relationships so you can avoid a future breakup.
sign up and join the adventure!
Along with the fancy weekly newsletter, I’m also going to give you access to 4 exercises that will help you stop obsessing over your ex as soon as you sign up.
Today we’re talking about the following topics:
- The uncomfortable truth about breakup recovery books
- Top 5 books to read after a breakup
- 3 tips on how to read better and retain more information
So here’s the scoop, guys, and gals.
THE TRUTH ABOUT BREAKUP RECOVERY BOOKS
*whispers into your ear*
“90% of breakup recovery books are a total rip-off. And the ideas in them…well, you can find most of them on the internet.”
There. Someone had to say it.
After reading most breakup themed books on the market, I’ve found that they all follow an identical outline and carry more or less the same themes: visualization of a better life, meditation, gratitude lists, no-contact rule, affirmations, regaining confidence, understanding grief, dating, etc.
(Sorry to be a downer; maybe I’ve just read so many breakup-themed books – and written so much on breakups in general, that they got boring for me.)
Nevertheless, If you just need to pick up a vanilla breakup book, try this one by Susan J. Elliott. I find it best in terms of writing and ideas compared to the other ones on the same topic.
Generally, once you read one breakup recovery book, you’ve probably read 90% of them.
And no, I’m not saying these things so you wouldn’t buy the books from my “competitors.”
What I’m trying to do is save you time AND expose you to potentially life-altering works, filled with novel ideas that do way more than just help you recover, as opposed to the regurgitated and dull ones found in most breakup books.
So, what are these “potentially life-changing” books, you might ask?
TOP 5 BOOKS TO READ AFTER A BREAKUP
The boring disclosure thingy: The links below are affiliate links, meaning that I will get a commission if you click through and make a purchase. With no additional cost to you, of course.
If you’re a long time reader of the site, you knew this was coming.
Of course, I’m recommending the book that a) inspired me to double down on writing in my professional life, b) got me out of many existential and identity dilemmas, and c) radically shifted my entire outlook on self-development and life in general.
In essence, The subtle art, as Mark puts it, is all about self-improvement, not through avoiding problems or always being happy, but rather through engaging and improving upon problems and learning to accept the occasional unhappiness.
As the title suggests, the book helps you set proper boundaries with your partner, friends, and family members, and gives you advice on how to keep them intact no matter the shitstorm life throws at you. It’s a great read, altogether.
The only thing I didn’t like about the book were countless cases of religious-prattle thrown in. I don’t know about you. Maybe you’re into religion and will find this aspect of the work a giant plus. If so, more power to you! But for me…well, I wasn’t a fan of the constant religious talk.
Another great work from the Stoic philosophy researcher and bestselling author of The Obstacle Is the Way, and Ego Is the Enemy.
If you’ve been reading my articles recently, you’ve probably noticed that I steal many ideas from Stoicism, specifically from Ryan Holiday.
I can’t help it. Like with Mark Manson, I just love his take on letting go, journaling your pain away, meditating, living a virtuous life, embracing pain, learning from pain, and living in the present moment.
At its very core, this book teaches you how to live a fulfilling, peaceful, and meaningful life no matter how good/bad you have it, and then, when it’s time, it reveals to you how to die well.
Want to avoid a future breakup, and learn how to communicate with your next (or current) partner effectively, so your fights don’t evolve into toxic drama? If so, do yourself a favor and pick up this damn book. Seriously.
The book doesn’t only teach you how to make a relationship work. Hell no! Gottman went way farther than that.
The book also teaches you what to do if a steady relationship ever goes south – constant arguments, toxic arguments, trivial arguments, miscommunication, resentment build-ups, intimacy problems, etc.
It’s truly the ultimate book for anyone who wants to have a lasting relationship.
“Dude, did you just plug your own book in here?” Yes. Yes, I did.
It may be tacky to include my own book in this list, I agree. But then again, fuck it. It’s a good book. It contains over 40 exercises to help you get over an ex faster and rebuild your life.
But more importantly, it’s probably better than any other dull breakup book on the market. At least, that’s what others think… Pick it up and decide for yourself 😉
3 TIPS TO READ BETTER – AND RETAIN MORE
Since I’m giving you books to read, I might at least give you some extra tips on how to read them faster while still retaining their knowledge. So here are my top 3 tips for better reading:
- Use your finger while you read. Take your finger, place it slightly below the text on a page, then follow along with the words on the page. I know this sounds stupid, but try it. It helps you retain more information about a book.
- Shut off/silence your inner reading voice—this means you stop yourself from moving your lips while reading. Instead, try to read with your eyes. This way, you’re going to finish a book way faster. Oh, and if you combine this tip with the previous one, you’re also not going to lose much – or any – retention while reading. Cool, right?
- Don’t force yourself to read the shit you don’t like. You skip songs you don’t like, and you turn off boring movies. Why not do the same with books? There’s no shame in it. Just stop reading them if you don’t like them. It’s as simple as that. Yet, you wouldn’t believe how many people are afraid or ashamed to do this.