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While there are many reasons why you might be feeling heartbroken and in constant distress when it comes to your love life, in this article, I will focus only on the one reason that I deem is most widespread. That is, religiously subscribing to the notions of the ideology and movement known as romanticism.
Romanticism emerged around 1750 from the depths of broken hearts and emotional turmoil. And it gave birth to countless artists and intellectuals.
These people quickly began spreading their Romantic ideas throughout the world. Ideas such as how our relationships should last forever, how we can all find a soul mate, or how our partner should complete us and make us happy all the time.
Sadly, those ideas soon turned into deep-seated societal beliefs that gave countless people a false perception of what love is and what relationships should resemble.
So, the relationships people based and developed on those beliefs kept dissolving. And they kept suffering. These atrocities happened because no one could ever meet the grandiose expectations of a Romanticist.
But worst of all, the same toxic beliefs kept people stuck in a neverending cycle of heartbreak.
While many Romantic beliefs are swirling around in today’s society, I will be covering only three. These are the ones I deep most prevalent and relevant.
First, I’m going to present these beliefs to you. Next, I will explain why each one of them is toxic. And then, I will describe why assuming that any one of them is real will keep you stuck in an endless cycle of feeling heartbroken.
BS belief 1: you shouldn’t be feeling heartbroken but love-struck!
Romanticists have a funky view on relationships. They preach that the same passion or crazy love you feel for the first few months of a relationship, should still stay intact years later.
They also believe that sex is the ultimate expression of love and that it should never become dull. But, if it ever does get that way, they assume the relationship they are in is “not right for them.” Thus, they end things and move on to the next shiny object.
Now here’s how this mindset can keep you nestled in a vast cloak of hurt and disappointment. After months of staying in a relationship, you become aware that things do get boring at times.
Likewise, your sex-life is also not something you or your partner will always be in the mood for. And while experimentation does help, it never makes sex the same as when you’ve just met your partner.
If you believe the above experiences are normal, which they are, you wound’t be all that affected by these flawed beliefs. But, if you’re a pure Romanticist, those experiences would rattle your bones and shake you to the core and back. They are far from the ideals that you believe in, after all.
Ultimately, if you believe those Romantic notions, two things could happen. You would either leave your partner or cause so much drama by forcing things to be different that they would leave you.
And when your relationship would end, you would just find another victim, get hit by reality again, and part ways once more.
Rinse. Recycle. Repeat.
Welcome to the endless heartbreak loop.
BS belief 2: Soul mates
Romanticists love the idea of a soul mate or “the one.” Meaning, a perfect partner who meets their every need, loves them in all the right ways, ends all their suffering, and stays with them till the end of time. But here’s the problem with believing that kind of person exists.It makes you unflexible in your relationships and often unaccepting of your partners. In other words, you’re more inclined to act like a looney when you realize that your partner changes over time.
Remember: whoever is compatible with you today might not be compatible ten years from now.
Another thing Romanticists hold close to their dainty hearts is their notion that their soul mate should complete them. This belief is a one-way ticket to codependency, by the way.
In the real world, a healthy relationship is all about sharing your completeness with another human being. In essence, you have to love yourself first if you ever want to love someone else effectively.
But how does this belief keep you feeling heartbroken? Well, It’s simple. Identically as the last one!
When a Romanticist realizes that there is no perfect partner for them, they do one of two things. They either think they are not in the right relationship and end things prematurely or cause so much drama (since their expectations are not met) that their partner leaves them.
BS belief 3: trust your feelings and intuition
Romanticists claim that we should always let our feelings and intuition lead our decisions. They preach how we should always listen to this inner voice.
And then they promise how it will guide us through this wasteland of randomly spluttered particles we call life.
I find this belief the densest turd in the whole pungent shit sandwich of romanticism inspired belief-systems.
I mean, think about this:
Let’s say you just broke up with your ex due to simple incompatibility. And a few weeks later, you find yourself frustrated by thinking, “I still love my ex. Maybe I should try and win them back. I don’t know. It just feels right.”
If you consider those feelings as your Truth, you would naturally try to act by them. But, in reality, you would be shooting yourself in the foot – at least in this example.
And even if you, by some miracle, get back with your ex, you’re just going to break up again in the future because you’re still fundamentally incompatible.
The keyword here is fundamentally.
Think about it like this:
You were incompatible with your ex from the get-go, right? Well, what has changed till now (according to this example, in a few weeks)?
Probably nothing. You two are still incompatible. So, it’s not surprising that things will most likely end the same way the second time around.
And no, you can’t change your ex, or anyone for that matter, to suddenly become a good fit for you.
So the point I’m trying to make here is that even if something feels good, it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good. And this goes the same for feeling bad. What feels bad is not necessarily bad.
Conclusively, Romanticists have zero knowledge of what genuine love is. They don’t know how to love in the right way. They have no idea about the concept of compatibility. And they are blinded by the real functions behind their emotions.
At its core, romanticists can be toxic, delusional. They are also often fated to suffer in their love life – primarily because their relationships and lovers will never match their lofty expectations.
So what’s the lesson here?
Don’t subscribe to widespread Romantic ideals you see around the internet. They are dysfunctional and inaccurate representations of what love and relationship should be.