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One of the biggest realizations I had this year is that ex-back advice really is just self-improvement in disguise.
Keep getting friend-zoned or rejected? Stop reaching out to your ex and putting yourself into a position where you can be friend-zoned or rejected. And work on your self-awareness and neediness — because if you’re getting the cold shoulder, it’s probably because you’re clingy and desperate and can’t notice it.
Ex keeps disrespecting you, stringing you along, or using you? Stop being a spineless idiot and assert some personal boundaries. Stand up for yourself, and how you beleive you should be treated. And move the fuck on if your ex can’t treat you how you want.
Constantly feeling overwhelmed, panicky, emotional, and can’t stop obsessing over your ex and what they do, say, or mean? Find something you care more about than getting them back — diversity your identity a bit. Care more about yourself than them.
Think your ex is your soulmate and that you can’t live without them and beleive you can’t find anyone better — that there is no one better? Work on overcoming those retarded limiting beliefs. Get a grasp on reality.
Can’t stop seeking your ex’s validation and approval and are always trying to impress them? Grow some self-respect, and force yourself to start thinking, “What’s my ex doing for me?” “Are they trying to get my validation, approval, attention, affection, and so on?”
Problems with gauging your ex’s level of interest, connecting with them, and opening them up emotionally? Start hanging out with more people and dating around, work on your social skills, and push yourself to be as vulnerable as you can be.
Need I go on?
How you get a good shot at re-attracting your ex, in general, is by resolving your emotional issues, healing old wounds, overcoming your limiting beliefs, respecting yourself more, improving your self-esteem, getting your health in order, and finding other things to value and focus on in life. Another way to think about is, healing and growing from a breakup is what ultimately makes you more attractive.
Maybe these things don’t sound too sexy, but get them in order, and re-attraction will often sort itself out. You’ll put yourself in the best possible mental and emotional position to mend things.
Truth is, it’s this deeper, self-development stuff that I’m interested in writing about at the moment. It’s also what you should be reading, as opposed to your typical “5 reasons to avoid contacting an ex,” ” 8 signs your ex wants to sleep with you,” or “32 signs your ex will return.”
Don’t get me wrong, this surface-level stuff is important, but I — we — need to go deeper. Otherwise, I get bored and miserable. And you get articles that lack originality and liveliness, providing nothing but a brief and meaningless intellectual high that disappears as quickly as it came into existence. Articles that, while a decent starting point, are a shitty end point.
In light of all of this, I’m pivoting.
I feel like I’ve said everything about getting an ex back that I wanted to say, and I have nothing more to really add to the discussion. Besides, the idea of spending the next 10 or 20 years milking this subject feels as exciting as sticking my dick in a light socket. So here’s what you can expect from me going forward.
After finishing my upcoming book on re-attraction, I’m done writing about the topic, granted I have nothing new or valuable to say about it. Consider the project my swan song, my final statement.
That said, I’ll still update old ex-back articles, occasionally make a new video on the topic, and continue expanding and improving my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It would be stupid to let that go since about 70-80% of my income is tied to it. And I’m still committed to providing the best ex-back content and products in the industry.
Now the new focus of this blog will be, as I alluded to earlier, self-improvement (tailored for people going through a breakup, of course). I want to dive deeper into topics that often get overlooked in our ex-back space and, by extension, the breakup advice space at large. Mainly because they’re not algorithm friendly and are challenging to write about.
These include topics like:
- Identity and values.
- Purpose and meaning.
- Letting go and detachment.
- Emotional baggage and unavailability.
- Relational habits and patterns.
- Mental models, focus, and productivity.
- Resilience, pain, and mental toughness.
- Anxiety and depression.
- Self-esteem and worth.
- Trauma and post traumatic grown.
- State of mental health in our culture.
- Hope and death.
I have already glossed over these subjects in many articles on this blog. It was my creative side poking out, protruding like a little boy’s boner after he opened Pornhub for the first time. But I was still actively pushing it down, suppressing it, choking the bitch in a sewage filled bathtub, and pleasing Google’s algorithm instead.
I’ll do less of that from now on.
I’ll also experiment more with storytelling, satire, and other unconventional approaches to writing non-fiction. Approaches that challenge me creatively and make my work something truly different compared to other breakup advice blogs.
And finally, I’ll occasionally make particular articles more personal, uncomfortably inserting bits and pieces of myself in them — the good, the bad, and the fucked up.
I understand that this pivot might make me lose some of you. That’s fine. Even if you never read another word I write, know that I have nothing but love and appreciation for you. You have given me more than you realize, and I can be nothing but grateful. My run in the ex-back industry has been incredible. I truly hope I’m leaving it better than I found it.
This free cheat sheet will explain every step of the re-attraction process, cut out all the confusion, and catapult your chances of getting back with your ex sky-high.Get The Free Cheat Sheet
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